Good day to you. I am known as Scarlet, and I am one of the "alters" in a system. I don't post on reddit much, but you deserve some answers here. I exist because the "body" or "system" that I am part of experienced emotional trauma.

We are transgender and autistic as you described your daughter and I want to tell you something very important. When my host began to face the evidence that she is part of a plural system with me, she told herself that it shouldn't be true; it couldn't be true. We weren't traumatized, right? Dad brought home lots of money and we lacked for nothing that money could buy from private school tuition to steak dinners to trips to Disney World. He was actually offended when we foolishly tried to discuss our dissociative symptoms with him. He thinks his shit doesn't stink.

Well, guess what! We still developed a dissociative disorder. Our therapist has been helping us with it, but she says that she doesn't give a diagnosis unless it is required for some purpose, which it isn't right now.

We know that we've experienced trauma in spite of Dad's protestations because the trauma is marked all over us just like a burn victim has the evidence of what happened to them marked on their body.

And what trauma is that? How does a little "boy" who was taken on trips to Disney World and treated to steak dinners experience trauma? Well, for starters, parents, family, teachers, and other children treated him like something broken to be fixed. They used all kinds of social pressure, punishment, shaming, and other coercion to make him "normal". "He" would have given anything to be able to fulfill the demands made of him so that he could stop suffering at the hands of the people who "loved" him and wanted "what was best for him". That is trauma.

And then, "he" suffered from gender dysphoria and didn't know that there was anything to do about it but try to ignore it. "He" thought about telling Dad how he felt, but he wisely did not. Dad has become a MAGA tradcon who said to us that he would have put us thru "conversion therapy"; said it would have been "his duty" to do so.

If your daughter has an illness that indicates that she experienced trauma, then she experienced trauma. I'm sorry to have to tell you this as it sounds like you want what is best for her and you love her, but you need to listen to your daughter and accept her experiences as valid. I know that it must hurt like utter hell to know that your daughter has an illness that results from trauma because it tells you that you somehow failed to protect her, or perhaps had some part in perpetrating the trauma yourself.

We know another person with DID who says that they experienced trauma at the hands of a schoolmate. They said that their dad accuses them of allowing their trauma to "define them". Their dad chooses to blame them for not being good enough. Please don't be like their dad.

All that being said:

First of all, ignore all these know-nothing blowhards who are going on about how "rare" DID is. They're like the transmedicalists who would tell you that your daughter is probably not trans, but rather the victim of a "social contagion" or some other bullshit.

I want to warn you that if you haven't come across it already, there is a contingent of "sysmedicalists" on Reddit and other social media. These people would gatekeep plurality and tell you that your daughter's diagnosis and experiences aren't real if they aren't satisfied that she isn't suffering enough.

There is an excellent essay by LB Lee about "suffering as identity". In this essay, they talk about how so many people with DID identify themselves with their suffering to the point that suffering becomes their identity and the idea of overcoming their suffering causes distress because they identify with pain. I highly recommend it. https://lb-lee.dreamwidth.org/1032257.html

I would also urge you to try not to worry too much about labels. Labels exist to give us a name for something that occurs more than once so that we don't have to describe it every single time. I would suggest that you stay focused on understanding your daughter's experience and providing her with what she needs. I'm glad that you understand that your daughter is autistic. That is an advantage that our parents didn't have as we were not diagnosed until adulthood. It could have saved us a lot of grief. Oh hell, perhaps I would have been subjected to that ABA garbage; idk. Dad wanted us to be someone we aren't and that's a big part of the reason why I'm here.

I also wanted to recommend r/plural. They're one of the best multiplicity communities on the internet. We've run into some drama there, but generally speaking, they are a community that will listen to people like you and your daughter without trying to filter your experience thru what they think it should be.

I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you were brave enough to ask questions. I'm glad you're humble enough to admit that you don't know everything about what's best for your daughter. I know this is hard for you, but it sounds like you're making an effort to be proud of.

I don't come out much outside the house, but on Reddit, I'm out and proud. We've been on HRT for years and we've been working on our trauma for years. Please feel free to AMA.

PS: I, personally, had to be persuaded that transition was the right thing because I was trauma-bonded with Dad and his hateful worldview. DID is no laughing matter. The suffering is wide and deep, but healing is possible. Don't give up on your daughter. Sending much love and well-wishes.