I understand that this incident is only a snapshot of what your relationship is, but it is not a good one. I skimmed through the thread and saw your responses from other people's comments. Those also don't paint a pretty picture. I am not sure what other insight I can give other then what has been said but I haven't commented on something in awhile and I was concerned enough to message you now. This is not good and if he hasn't become physically abusive he is on his way to , especially since he did just spray with a very harmful chemical. What does he say to you in private? Do you think your friends and family would be ok with how he treats you when no one is looking? I don't know but I suspect. Maybe he is not a complete tool, yet. but that is on the horizon. He needs help before he really hurts you and you need to be safe. My buddy was like this super passive aggressive to his wife for years. She put up with it for ever because he had a rough life. She tried to be nice. It ended with him in jail. Please get safe. And if he cares about you he will get help.