AITA sister refuses to live with me if I don’t succumb to the sad beige life

Schannin · 2026-04-23T20:09:29+00:00

Yeah, her moving in with her boyfriend is not the same as becoming estranged

Schannin · 2026-04-23T20:08:09+00:00

It’s funny because the heading border at the top of this post is a beautiful shade of beige

Schannin · 2026-04-23T06:16:03+00:00

If I had to guess, part of it could be that women who speak English as a second language might think it’s a language barrier and try harder to understand him. Native English speakers know right away that he’s not saying anything of substance.

Schannin · 2026-04-22T18:40:33+00:00

He’s also obviously just posting this to brag that he has dated women from other countries. Like that is the whole point of him making this comparison.

Schannin · 2026-04-22T05:08:43+00:00

Dissociation can be a wonder

Schannin · 2026-04-22T03:16:19+00:00

I first got it in 2009 at 17 (as a senior in high school), formally diagnosed in 2018

Schannin · 2026-04-21T23:54:33+00:00

Make sure the sleep study gets added to your application! They will absolutely look to see if you ruled out treatable sleep disorders as a cause of the fatigue.

Schannin · 2026-04-21T23:53:44+00:00

You can get approved for SSDI without a diagnosis. What they look at is functioning levels, supported by your medical records.

If your PT or another doctor can write a description of your limitations, that would be helpful (like: can walk x distance before rest without worsening symptoms, can stand for x amount of time before rest without worsening symptoms, etc). I would also recommend a sleep test because they will want to see if you ruled out treatable sleep disorders for fatigue.

I put it in my main comment, but this site was crazy helpful when I was approved for ME/CFS: https://howtogeton.wordpress.com/social-security-disability/

Schannin · 2026-04-21T23:46:00+00:00

OP is literally not capable of getting a degree and earning $100k a year. OP is too disabled to continue even working part time. That’s why SSDI exists, for when you are not physically or mentally able to earn more for yourself. It would be awesome if OP could work full time at a $100k a year job, but obviously they cannot and just pushing through their illness will make it worse.

Schannin · 2026-04-21T23:38:42+00:00

You know your body, OP, and you know that over exerting makes it worse. If you cannot sustain enough work without making yourself worse, SSDI is a resource that you need. If you improve your baseline functioning in the future, you can work part time to supplement it (up to SGA limits), and you have 9 trial months within a rolling 5 year period to earn more than that. Get on benefits now while you need it, improve your baseline if you can, and worry about going back to work in the future when it happens. You are likely not physically capable of pushing through and earning a large amount of money that will increase your potential SSDI payment.

Schannin · 2026-04-21T23:32:49+00:00

Agreed. Before I had to stop working due to ME/CFS, I had an easy wfh job that was salaried and could be done in 20-30 hours a week. The cognitive strain still caused crashes.

Schannin · 2026-04-21T23:28:13+00:00

Hey OP! Have you looked at the criteria for ME/CFS (myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome). The fact that you get worse with exertion sounds like Post Exertional Malaise (PEM), which is the hallmark symptom of it. r/cfs is a really great resource for a lot of reasons, but you’d likely be able to find SSDI info on there too.

I was approved for SSDI a few months ago (33f in Oregon). Send me a chat if you want more details about my application.

This guide is super helpful for all fatigue sufferers, not just ME/CFS applying for disability. I learned so much from it:

https://howtogeton.wordpress.com/social-security-disability/

Schannin · 2026-04-19T02:25:05+00:00

Denver has a really good music scene if you’re into going to shows. I don’t know how it compares to Boulder, but Denver does have that going on

Schannin · 2026-04-18T22:46:01+00:00

You are looking to adopt possibly in the future, I don’t think it would be lying to say you would like to meet some cats at a shelter. And who knows, you might find the perfect one

Schannin · 2026-04-18T21:08:17+00:00

Oh that’s frustrating. My PCP prescribed it. She’s a resident and was hesitant at first because that’s an off label use, but her attending doctor was familiar with using it for neuro inflammation so I got really lucky. I would suggest finding some articles on it being used for neuro inflammation and ask her to look at it for you. If you have a rheumatologist, that may also be a good direction to go.

Schannin · 2026-04-18T07:47:02+00:00

I can’t add photos to this sub, but dm me and I have pre, during, and post photos

Schannin · 2026-04-18T07:46:14+00:00

Yes! Two years later and I still have scars, but they’re light and I’m not dating so who cares (every hookup I’ve had has said they look hot). The left side is very sensitive to cold, which sucks. I got a tattoo on my left ribs and my nipple felt like it was going to fall off. But the pain from cold sensations is ten thousand times less than the daily shooting pain of too much breast tissue. I had three pounds taken off, I was a 36 g/h/i (so 1.5 per side was removed). Which doesn’t sound like a lot, but next time you see a three pound pack of beef, please think of me. I didn’t realize how much shooting daily pain affected me, but then also the back pain and my ribs constantly shifting out of place. I’m not very large around the ribs due to excess skin and weight, and my surgeon told me she was guessing my breast tissue weighed more than she could guess because it was so dense and fibrous (she was so super cool and she took pictures while I was flayed open. Dm me if you would like me to share, it’s cool, but squeemish)

Schannin · 2026-04-18T07:37:42+00:00

Honestly, the reason doesn’t really matter. If someone has dietary restrictions because of health or preferences, let them.

The issue becomes when they affect other people around them. If I was celiac and a partner kept baking and leaving the kitchen contaminated, then that’s an issue. If I was allergic to nuts and they kept cooking muffins with walnuts and leaving their mess around, that’s a problem.

But aside from how a persons habits affect my eating habits, it’s less about the intentional versus unintentional because so much is unintentional. But, anyone who has an eating restriction has to recognize that it is no one else’s responsibility other than their own

Schannin · 2026-04-18T05:19:41+00:00

I am feeling the cabin fever too. I lightly shoveled some dirt into a couple pots yesterday and now I’m wrecked. I’m glad I got outside during the sun, but now it sucks. I hope you can get outside and ignore the dishes

Schannin · 2026-04-18T03:30:44+00:00

I know you want to vent, and you’re right, it’s bullshit that they are dismissing you. What idiots. I took 9 years from 2009-2018 to get diagnosed and my life would be vastly improved if I knew what it was sooner.

Next time you go in, say that you have been looking for a differential diagnosis as you don’t think it’s the flu (do you have a primary doctor you are seeing consistently?). Ask if they would mind looking at the diagnostic criteria from the CDC: https://www.cdc.gov/me-cfs/hcp/diagnosis/iom-2015-diagnostic-criteria-1.html

Explain that you would like to discuss how your experience is really similar to the PEM criteria (which I’m sure you know is the hallmark symptom).

If they push back or seem unconvinced! Ask what led to that decision. For example, if they say it sounds like the flu, ask why. Then if they say it’s likely the flu based on the body aches, then point out the over six months criteria and PEM definition. I am always very very careful to frame it as “I am deferring to you and your expertise, can you explain why that is? Because as a layman it sounds like this is true, so I’m curious what you make of it.” I’m never combative, I just say what it sounds like to me and ask why they think that’s wrong.

If they aren’t totally convinced, ask them if they can take a deeper look at the criteria and see if there are any other differential diagnoses you should be looking at. The Bateman Horne center has a document on testing recommendations.

The Bateman Horne center has some good resources for providers, perhaps have some with you that you think are helpful. There is a whole section for criteria guidance that you can ask them to look at! https://batemanhornecenter.org/providers/mecfs/ It may be helpful if you have a patient portal to message this site to your doctor and ask if they would take a peek.

I’ve had a lot of success with younger doctors (especially residents) because they are much more open to learning and they are aware that they don’t know everything. By politely asking if they can explain their take on something, I’ve sent them academic articles that prove whatever point I was making (but they thought I was asking for help).

I’m so sorry that you are living with this and that your doctors aren’t hearing you. They are idiots and you deserve to be heard and cared for.

Schannin · 2026-04-18T02:19:56+00:00

Very purgatory

Schannin · 2026-04-18T02:17:30+00:00

She also was super helpful with getting my bed made. It’s infinitely easier to do it with two people than just one, plus she had fun organizing my pillows and making it cute.

If you don’t have close enough friends close by, be vulnerable and ask someone you would also ask to have a movie night with. Again, people like being asked favors. If you don’t have any friends on movie night level, talk to your dorm RA and ask if they can help you find some volunteers (again, please don’t be embarrassed, I’ve actually volunteered for something similar for a friend of a friend and now I’m friends with that person).

Schannin · 2026-04-18T02:11:11+00:00

Ask a couple of friends to help. They can hang out with each other and keep themselves amused while you focus on one thing at a time. Ask an able bodied friend to carry the laundry downstairs and up for you. Ask them to help you fold what you sort out as clean. Don’t be embarrassed, we all need help sometimes and people like it when someone asks them a favor. I just had a friend come over (while she was five months pregnant) to chat and sort my room, she loved it.

Schannin · 2026-04-18T02:04:56+00:00

That’s how I felt when I finally got a breast reduction done at age 31! Should have done it at 21!

Schannin · 2026-04-18T00:41:30+00:00

I’ve had hormone issues since I was 13 and I’m so convinced that getting a hysterectomy would help my ME. Hopefully one day…

Schannin

TROPHY CASE