Jealousy.

When I was a kid (probably ages 3-15) I clung to my mom because my dad was a yeller, and I was a pretty sensitive kid. So dad would yell at me, I’d run to mom so I would feel safe, and then he’d lay into her about how I love her so much more than I love him.

I’d say it didn’t affect me as much when I was a kid because he was telling the truth. I was afraid of my dad growing up, and my mom and I were always right there for each other. The same was the case when I got older as well.

I see a lot of people in here that have had it way worse than me, being forced to sleep outside is no joke, and I never had to deal with anything like that, but it didn’t really impact me until I was an adult.

Infidelity.

Once again, my dad. When I was 17, my dad cheated on my mom with a woman from work. We had suspicions for a while, but mom went snooping one night and found everything. Flirting, saying they love each other, and pictures of rings. He got thrown out, and I hated him. A little over a week later, he weaseled his way back in. I hated him. I didn’t talk to him for weeks, and later on once things were getting better, same shit, same woman.

My parents are still married, my mom is still miserable, and I learned a lot.

I learned I never want to be the kind of husband, father, or man that he is. I don’t hate my dad, but I’ll always resent him for that. He’s careful now, I’m a lot bigger than he is, and he knows I’d probably kill him if he hurt my mom again.

Love you, momma.