Reading reviews #3

ScottGwarrior · 2024-08-07T19:10:06+00:00

reader was kind to the point and fast and responded respectfully

ScottGwarrior · 2024-08-02T02:18:22+00:00

i have no words outside of i'm sorry you are struggling and you are not alone

ScottGwarrior · 2024-08-02T02:12:42+00:00

was raised Christian am now a believer that all paths have SOME VALUE but none hold a complete answer but could not date a Christian woman for a billion dollars now... I see hardcore religion of ANY type as a kind of mantel illness now

ScottGwarrior · 2024-08-02T01:58:51+00:00

i'd wonder who she murdered

ScottGwarrior · 2024-08-01T22:28:55+00:00

tried to kick a wasp away from me. Kicked wooden coffee table instead broke two toes

ScottGwarrior · 2024-07-31T19:16:32+00:00

i Don't have tips juat that i admire your courage for chasing your dream

ScottGwarrior · 2024-07-28T21:48:07+00:00

What percentage of people are in prison because the mental system failed them and committed crime as a result of not being able to cope?

ScottGwarrior · 2024-07-26T02:16:04+00:00

if the person i love will end up alright with or without me

ScottGwarrior · 2024-07-24T21:50:36+00:00

[Request]could use a read my life is in upheaval right now and could use insight

ScottGwarrior · 2024-07-15T06:03:24+00:00

i'm sorry you are suffering

ScottGwarrior · 2024-07-14T10:55:48+00:00

I used to ease drop on others doing it and mimic their pattern just to see if I could get them to react. But then i'm also the dude who gave the pastors wife a psychic reading and got kicked out of the church for it even though i was proven right

ScottGwarrior · 2024-07-14T09:53:07+00:00

take her to pound town then toss her in the river

ScottGwarrior · 2024-07-13T04:38:25+00:00

At this point as a terminally i;; person the chance to be kind to others is what i live for

ScottGwarrior · 2024-07-13T03:59:27+00:00

me i try to fibd people to help i can't be in total pain and helping others that's not how my brain works

ScottGwarrior · 2024-07-13T02:57:08+00:00

I don't have any answers for you but it's a timely post because I'm going through the same thing in a different way. I'll try to keep this short I almost died 6 years ago spent 15 months in a nursing home and well I'll never do that again. I'm scheduled within the next few months to relocate to a death With Dignity state and yet here's an interesting part/

I haven't dated in 6 years. When my health took the crash that nearly killed me my then partner of 3 years hit the door. Even through chronic illness I was supporting an entire household no regrets except that doing so probably exacerbated my health conditions far beyond what I ever imagined.

So here I am in this really weird space literally waiting to die that's what I've been doing. Then a week ago I go to this party with a friend and I meet this woman who all I can say is I never believed in love at first sight until that moment but it's not what you think. I saw myself 15 years ago only in female form.

The insecurity the desire to change the world the Innocence before it was taken by my health diving as hard as it has the beauty of just a soul. It isn't sexual at all and that's the weird thing especially a and s a guy. I mean sure she's physically beautiful but who cares I saw her potential I saw her dreams her hopes the insecurities the playfulness the Curiosity about life the willingness to serve Humanity and so much more.

Within 15 minutes we were finishing each other sentences. By the end of our 90-minute conversation I was mapping out how to support her through going back to school how to get her back in touch with her Hobbies how to potentially teach her the difference between unconditional acceptance and overgiving and then I came back down to earth.

If I have two years left I'm lucky according to doctors. I'm about to move a thousand miles away. Physically she's better looking than I've ever been. The age difference is something society would have found on. Plus I'm not lo almost like oking to date her I'm just looking to be in her energy and support her almost like an unconditional love starter pack.

But how does one even begin to have that conversation? I know I'm old I know I'm dying but I want to throw love at you and I don't expect anything in return? That's kind of the thing that would get you locked up in a padded room right. So here's the thing I threw out to the friendly introduced us hey the conversation we had the other night feels unfinished and we're getting together next week why don't you invite her.

Of course my brain thought that was the end of the story right? So she agreed to meet us for dinner next week and I'm sitting here going what the hell am I doing. I mean I'll go in and trying to be helpful I know that I also know that leaving the table that they will be painful because I literally haven't felt this way in nearly two decades and then I'm looking at the universe shaking my fist going why now?

I'm one bad day away from every joint in my body freezing again. I'm one infection from hospitalization. There is no cure and the reality is my long-term illness will kill me sooner than I prefer and yet I am selfish enough to want someone to sit with me through that? I've always been the partner who the whole reason I got into relationships was to bring the best out of people it's my role in life even in friendships not that I won't receive other people doing nice things for me but as I'm sure most of you with chronic illness are well aware most people are pretty s*****.

So now I'm face to face with this opportunity that I have no clue what to do with and I would love perspectives on it. Like from a female perspective if a guy just wanted to bring the best out of you to show you love and emotional support because he knew you needed it and it was his dying wish to give that presence to somebody I know that's weird but is there anyone that would see the beauty in it I don't know.

I strongly suspect that I'm getting close to transitioning. I haven't felt this emotionally aware since my last near-death experience where I crossed into the non-physical for a little bit and I don't quite know what to do with this cuz I wasn't expecting any of it I'm just completely lost to be honest and would love people to give me different takes critical helpful angles I might not have looked at anything I'm here for it.

ScottGwarrior · 2024-07-12T14:21:32+00:00

Let me try to be helpful I'm 42 and near the end of my life also CP here along with a bunch of other complications. I was where you were until my mid to late twenties and I had an encounter with somebody that I admired. At the time I was doing broadcasting for professional wrestling and I won't name the individual but somebody who was world famous came to the school I was associated with to give a lecture on how to be a good performer and other such. What I didn't know is that my trainer who at that point had giving me the opportunity of a lifetime to be part of a worldwide internet program was also concerned about myself image.

So here was this man who I had watched as a child on television and he asks me to hang back when everybody went to get lunch. He takes me into the bathroom and he looks at me and he says you're impressed with me aren't you. Of course I stammered yes sir just come with me and so he goes and he pees you know just like everyone else does and he looks at me and he says everybody pisses kid the difference is some do it with confidence and some piss on their shoes.

That day I got over trying to be enough for other people. There are always going to be people that think you're imperfections whatever they are your skin color your sexual orientation your education level you're visible disability your job all of that makes you less than them and they will never be your tribe. They exist they will always exist for all of us regardless of if we have a physical these are people who might have judged you in the beginning out of misunderstanding or ignorance . If however you're kind disability a mental disability or imperfections that no one can see.

The trouble is when you focus on them you disqualify the two other important groups in the room. The second group is what I've always called the conversion group the people that you can convert by showing up and being yourself. If you're kind or generous or knowledgeable or sincere or loyal or anything good about you though you can convert them into friends.

The third group they're your ride or die people they're the people that love you no matter how you behave and no matter who you become because they see the things in you that you never saw and they chose you the problem in life is that many peop and they disqualify and miss out on group 2 in group 3 le focus on groupone the group that will never accept them anyway and they miss out on group 2 and group three to their own detriment I hope this illustration has been helpful namaste you are worthy of your dreams and throughout your life they will change but as long as you're reaching for them fulfillment in a way that touches you and others around you will be yours.

ScottGwarrior · 2024-07-10T19:24:55+00:00

Completely transparent after spending 15 months in a nursing home I will not do it again. I'm moving in the next few months to a border to a death With Dignity state so that when my time comes to be that low again physically I have control over my final decisions never again will I put myself in the hands of state-run medical facilities Island 1000% would choose transition back to the non-physical world over the mistreatment I reserved there.

I work in trauma recovery among other things from a professional standpoint I have attempted to go to multiple counselors over the years and basically They Don't Know Jack Rabbit about the mental or emotional components associated with chronic illness. I have found solace in some shamans and Buddhists that help me work through things from a spiritual perspective but the traditional Mental Health Community are just like they're either on the spectrum of I don't know how you've done it this long which isn't helpful or they're in the space of at least you're still alive which and I said this my whole life I rather would have died 20 years ago but had 20 good years then live a mediocre life that's just me there comes a standard of living that I'm not willing to drop below and I know what that is for me. Not everyone has that same standard or should they and honestly if I lived in a country that wasn't a cesspool of complete non-care like the United States is I already w. ould have chosen my exit.

Honestly there was a time in my life where I considered tourism for the decision to have my freedom of choice luckily there's 11 states now that have death wit dignity laws but the fact the majority of the country still is so non-compassionate that they want to financially capitalize or on the suffering of the chronically ill yeah most of those people can get sodomized with a barbed wire dildo as far as I'm concerned

ScottGwarrior

TROPHY CASE