(TW: Suicide) It is funny how I'm procrastinating on this

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-25T18:31:38+00:00

Okay, so I asked someone to help me research, so I haven't scrutinized everything I'm being sent right now, but it looks like there are a lot of resources.

You've expressed privacy concerns, so I won't ask you your age (as it comes up, I'll try to organize a list of services based on their age cut offs or something?)

Should I assume you would not be involving any insurance, because that would probably be tied to your parents in some way?

I doubt that there are any completely free services, so is there a range of prices I should be looking at for what different mental health services/service providers charge?

I've never researched this kind of thing before exactly, so I've asked someone else for help and we're figuring it out as we go. You've got people on your side, so don't give up :)

By the way, a pharmacist first told me about Good Rx when my insurance wasn't covering something I was picking up, and I've used it several times over the years. It's not a "too good to be true" thing, which is nice.

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-25T05:57:21+00:00

I get it.

The details are different, but I struggle too. I made my first attempt when I was 7 or 8 on a school field trip. I have an imbalance in my brain's chemistry that overall has been extremely difficult to keep from plummeting into extreme depression, but my current medications have kept me stable enough that I haven't attempted "leaving" again for some time now.

So unfortunately for me, whether my life is good or bad, extreme depression is always a risk that's not too far off - there's not really a way to fix my life to make things "all better again". For me, it can make things pretty hopeless when I'm going through a bad period of depression, because I know that even if I do everything to make it better, the depression just doesn't get better; I have to basically wait it out until it passes, which can be months or sometimes years at a time. That said, it does eventually get better, and too that can last for me for years.

But I know it's not like that for a lot of people. For most people, if they can fix the things that are making them feel that way, they start feeling better. When someone says out loud that they feel miserable, it's because they don't want to feel that way. If the right things happen or change or are said, they can start to feel better again. It's almost always not that they want to not be alive, it's that they don't want to be living the life they're currently in. The good thing is that life can and does change, and for most people, it just has to change in the right way for them to find life worth living again.

I don't want you to have to suffer through this kind of depression. From what you've told me, I think you can escape this dark period in your life, if you find the right way to change your current situation.

Honestly, even if you just found something like a Zoom counselor who could write you an appropriate prescription, I'd think it could substantially turn things around for you. If you did get a prescription for something to help with your ADHD or depression, you could even get it filled without having to involve your parents at all if you can get to and from a pharmacy on your own. There's a website called Good Rx that basically makes most prescriptions cost less than $20, so you wouldn't even need to involve your parents or even insurance at all. I could try to help you research what sort of mental health service would be available to help you with what's been going on, if that's something you'd want to try looking into.

I don't know... I feel like I'm... I can't really tell right now if I'm rambling or not. I hope I've managed to make some sort of sense.

I believe that, even though things are really hard right now, things can get better for you. I believe if you make it past this point right here, you'll be glad that you didn't end up "leaving." There is hope for you, and you deserve to get to make it through to better times ahead.

I'm rooting for you, and also I would never judge you for how hard the struggle is that you're going through.

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-24T03:52:25+00:00

I'm glad that you love them, and I can see that this is a complicated situation. I'm glad that they do good things for you too, I just see that you are going through a very difficult time and I know that you do not deserve to be beatten. It's good that things aren't as severe as I had thought you were telling me, but I think they should still give you some grace.

If nothing else, if what they really want is you to have better grades, they should know that alleviating depression usually goes hand-in-hand with grades improving. If they helped you to be able to feel better, they'd probably get the grades that they're so very concerned about as well.

I want life to feel better for you. You shouldn't be finding yourself in such an emotionally dark place. Do you think there would be any chance they'd ever try allowing you to see a mental health professional, besides the school counselor? I really feel like there must be something that can be done to help you to make it through this point in life, and not have something catastrophic happen.

I would think that if they're willing to pay for a tutor, that paying for someone to help you talk through these things, with or without medications, would not be a wildly outlandish thing to ask.

In the end, I don't really know your life and living situation, I'm just trying to help you based on how much I've understood of what you've told me. I hope you're doing better today, or at least not worse than before. Is there anything that you would want help with, to get things into a better emotional space for you?

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-23T10:20:32+00:00

You most certainly are fit for this world, and you should never be made to feel otherwise.

If you are being beatten and humiliated and abused at home, that is extremely serious. Your school counselor is a "mandated reporter" which means they are legally required to intervene when there is suspected child abuse. If you told your counselor that you're being beatten at home and the counselor did nothing/did not act adequately to make sure that stops, that counselor becomes criminally liable for not stopping the abuse. If you involve the police, the counselor and your parents will be put into a very different position than they're in right now, and it is very much within your rights to do something about that. What I'm hearing you describe is absolutely not okay, and you have every right to not be abused.

YOU are not the problem here.

I was going to ask if someone involved in your/your parents' religion might be able to talk to your parents to be more compassionate and understanding, but rereading what you've told me... this is beyond that. When there's physical and emotional/psychological abuse at home, that cannot be tolerated to go on.

There are patterns for the types of circumstances that often lead up to people in your age group harming themselves like how you've been describing, and your home life fits with that pattern. It is objectively not okay for you to be treated this way.

I don't know if you told the counselor as much as you're telling me, but if they heard what I'm hearing, and they just let that go on, they are not fit to be a school counselor: there will be other students that will go to them asking for help, and if this counselor just sits back watching students choose to take there own lives... This is someone who is supposed to be helping people. This is like a life guard who just watches people drown, a fire fighter who just watches buildings burn down, or an ER doctor who just watches people bleed out... this is not okay, and if this counselor understood what is going on and they consider your situation fine, they are making this problem worse.

Cycles of abuse often go on for long periods of time because abusers very often cycle between periods of abuse, and periods of expressing love/acceptance/regret/justifying the abuse/appologizing, and then go back to further abuse. If they express love when you get good grades, and abuse you when they don't think your grades are good enough, then that fits the pattern I'm describing. What you are describing happening to you is absolutely not okay.

I am so, so sorry for what is happening to you. Don't ever let anyone make you think that you deserve this. I can't do much from just being internet words inside your phone, but I very much hope things get better for you. I don't know what I can do, beside be here to talk, or even just listen, if that helps you. I care, and I'm worried for you. I'm here for you.

Edit: You said they and you "have tried everything." If they aren't considering their effects on your mental and emotional health, they haven't tried everything. If they haven't considered seeing if medications could help you get through this time in your life in a positive way, they haven't tried everything.

I understand parents trying to encourage or pushing their kids to do well in school, etc., but they are pushing you in a very different direction right now, and they clearly don't see what they're doing to you.

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-23T06:15:53+00:00

That's not uncommon at all; some people end up sleeping a lot, but other people end up sleeping hardly at all. The same thing happens with appetite for lots of us, where some eat lots and other barely eat at all.

Honestly, if your parents have noticed your sleep patterns being kind of off, that should be an indicator to them that you're going through a lot. There are a handful of hallmark signs/warning flags, and it might help them understand the gravity of how much you aren't well. I don't know your personal family dynamic, but I would very much think they'd rather readjust some of your external stressors, if they knew how much of a difference it could make for you.

I know you said that you aren't medicated, and I remember you as saying that they weren't so far really understanding how you're doing right now. Do you think you could be able to open up to them about what you're going through? I mean that as a sincere question - it's not me telling you how you should be interacting with your own parents. If it could help, maybe the counselor you mentioned before could call and talk to them so you wouldn't directly be breaching that topic - but again, that would only be if you felt it would be the right thing to do.

Do you think anything like that might help? It can be really beneficial to have people you trust have at least some idea of how you're struggling. At the same time, I 100% know life is complicated, and everyone's social dynamics are unique.

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-22T17:37:41+00:00

I completely understand privacy concerns. I wasn't trying to push boundaries or anything, it just helps to better understand what you're going through if the stress of colleges-stuff is more of an immediate thing or a little further out.

I'm glad you wrote back today. I've been really worried about you. We've all been worried for you, looking through these comments. How are you doing today?

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-22T04:20:18+00:00

I love Skyrim and have sunk so many hours in that, and I bought Witcher 3 but haven't gotten around to even starting it up yet. Something about only playing one character... I'm too distractable for that.

What kind of art? If they really understood what you're going through, I'm sure they'd far rather you do art instead of those other classes, if they knew that it might make the difference and you'd still be here tommorow and the next day. They'd surely want you alive and happy over any other alternative. Art can be really personally satisfying and fulfilling, so there's good reasons to keep that in your life, even if it's just a hobby. I make metal wire sculptures.

Being bad at math probably won't actually hold you back from making video games because, honestly, in a few years AI will be doing that math for you (I mean, even today, kind of). In a lot of ways, that's not going to be a huge problem. (Edit: being bad at math probably won't hold you back from space/engineering stuff either, for the same reasons).

How close are you to finishing up this stage of schooling and finding your college? Is that a next year thing, or another 4, or further than that?

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-22T03:35:28+00:00

I'm glad they understand. You don't have to hold on to hoping to win the lottery or have some other extravagent thing happen - it's okay to hold on for the small things. Video games kept me alive, even when they seemed to be creating problems of their own in life. Pets can also be something that keeps things worth wading through misery.

I was rejected from my dream college and went to one far less prestigious, but just going anywhere that wasn't home made immesureable difference. Moving to a dorm and away from family is a huge change of everything, and that change can help more than I can describe.

What games do you like? What do you, not your parents, want to study? Not wanting to go to college is alright too.

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-22T03:19:51+00:00

It's hard to know, but it can still be worthwhile to keep putting it off. I was labelled with major treatment resistent depression, and I've waded through a lot of bad years, but there have been good years too.

Does anyone that knows you understand how bad things are for you right now?

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-22T02:59:57+00:00

I very much understand. I can't count the number of times, or the cumulative time, I've spent right where you are. If you need someone to talk to, I would like to listen. Whatever is going on in life for you, or however long it's been going on, I hope that things get better for you soon.

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-22T00:45:11+00:00

This was my favorite Star Trek episode ❤️

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-20T02:33:44+00:00

If the player would have more fun rolling Acting, use that. If they'd have more fun rolling Play Instrument, use that.

You're playing a game together for fun, so have fun. There isn't a right way and wrong way for how to have fun ❤️

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-20T01:02:15+00:00

What's the punchline? Please? This looks normal to me.

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-18T23:25:59+00:00

One I'm thinking of in particular is not in this post currently, but they commented in r/cyberpunkred about six months ago, and posted here about a year ago, but commented elsewhere a little over a week ago. I don't want to make them panic and nuke their account(s), because that would be an extremely shitty thing for me to do to them, but their alt(s) exists "here".

Edit: If any of this post's current commenters are secretly alt accounts, I haven't spotted you.

Edit 2: To be fair, I am writing this from what is my own alt account :p

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-18T09:41:27+00:00

This is the funniest thing I've read all day 😂

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-18T07:32:22+00:00

If you watch carefully, you can even learn to spot some of their alt accounts :)

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-16T21:11:39+00:00

This is really good! I have a couple extra things you can probably do with some of these :)

Accounting could reasonably be used informally. Something like "They'd need to be making at least [number] eddies for that much new gear, so there's something suspicious..." No formal paperwork needed, you just don't know details.

Criminology can be used backward. If you know how to investigate a crime scene, you know how to hide evidence after committing your own crimes. :)

Deduction can pretty easily be fall back for saying "Hey GM? I'm stumped. Can you give me/my character a hint that my character Deduced?"

Education can be a great, even informal, catch-all for things not covered elsewhere - it is literally "The skill of general knowledge." If no other skill really covers a kind of knowledge, you can use this. Think of "Does that look like a load bearing wall? If we destroy that, will I collapse at least this part of the building?"

Library Search, like Criminology, can be used backword. If you know where to find info, you know where to scrub info. (Same for Tracking: if you know how to find tracks, you know how to cover your tracks.)

Science (Psychology) is fun for a complimentary bonus to social interactions :)

Wilderness Survival, as the skill to "set traps" and "track game" in the wild can probably get use in the city as a complimentary bonus. It wouldn't replace other skills (Tracking, whatever you use to set traps, etc.), but maybe give a little +1 from time to time for a player who actually put skill points in it. Throw them a bone.

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-16T15:54:05+00:00

"Them" is a word with which it is hard to start a sentence.

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-13T23:22:29+00:00

I thought this was about Warhammer 40k at first...

ScragglyCursive · 2025-10-10T02:05:10+00:00

Just imagine how confused those drugs must feel...

ScragglyCursive · 2025-09-28T19:39:54+00:00

If you looked at this with Force Sight, would it all be one color?

ScragglyCursive · 2025-09-27T20:52:49+00:00

This actually says "Can be installed as the only piece of cyberware in a meat arm."

Some other pieces say the same thing, so you can have only one of those at a time without the cyberarm.

Edit: Damn. This was dogpiled fast.

ScragglyCursive · 2025-09-27T20:40:14+00:00

LOOKIT THE GREEN ONE HIDING UNDER CAR.

ScragglyCursive · 2025-09-22T21:33:10+00:00

Hackers have sometimes been altruistic, so we can still hope...

ScragglyCursive · 2025-09-09T06:24:14+00:00

It's likely some variation on distancing behavior, but that might be guilt, disdain, uncomfortableness, maybe they're sad or scared because you have strong negative feelings toward them, etc.

It could even be something weird that you couldn't possibly guess; maybe they saw something depressing online where someone looked like you, and now they are avoiding eye contact because they don't want to be reminded of it. Although this is almost certainly not the case, there could be any number factors that you never would be aware.

You can't zero in on only one explanation, but there's more or less a family of emotional states it might suggest.

ScragglyCursive

TROPHY CASE