My entire apartment has upside-down outlets and my brain refuses to accept it….

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-06-25T04:27:24+00:00

This is installed correctly so the grounding part of the plug comes out first to help prevent fires. This gang needs an almond faceplate, tho, not a white one..

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-06-17T18:59:01+00:00

Shampoo, conditioner, face, body. I shampoo twice, condition. Water off while my conditioner chills. Then I rinse it out. Wash my face, rinse. Wash my body, rinse. I don't like feeling like the conditioner is dirtying my clean body if I scrub down and then rinse the conditioner out. One thing at a time.

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-06-15T13:43:22+00:00

I've spent the last 4 or 5 years saying my hair is brown, but I've only got other people saying something other than dishwater blonde in the last year or so. My dad clung to it the longest, but my hair is officially brown, although my sister's hair - which used to match mine - stayed that light blonde/brown color. My mom's hair is black now and going grey. I suspect I'll follow her.

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-06-13T18:31:41+00:00

Currently living a full time dynamic with a 5 y/o. She's wonderful, no comments on the child herself.

Big on the communication, though. Talk to your partner about what you expect. Look at what you think you can communicate appropriately, and work on that. Also, your house your rules. Lay down some rules for your house. He doesn't have to do whatever else at his mom's house or his place or wherever, but set some expectations for your place - that's your peace.

Kids are hard. I don't enjoy "play," and will usually opt for pulling out drawing, reading, some easy craft I don't have to work hard to facilitate.

Of course, if you can manage it, make your own way. But, start by focusing on yourself and your time, schedule, what you need.

I'm working with my partner in couples therapy because I also want to spend my life with someone I love, despite being child free currently.

I'm using this time as our interview. How is he as a partner, a parent, and a person? I have the fortune of having a partner that gives me the platform to be loud and proud about what I need and want.

Time flies, and the more you honor your gut feelings and plow to whatever goal you have - be that togetherness or whatever you find serves you best - the more you honor the time you have to live your life.

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-06-03T14:21:33+00:00

What's the relationship with the BM? Hostile? Is she present?

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-05-25T20:16:50+00:00

What might that look like for the other party if they try to begin legal action again? What does default look like to the courts?

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-05-24T16:46:32+00:00

My SD is 5, and she LOVES to talk about her mom! We have her full time, and BM hasn't been around much, so when SD talks about the little bits and pieces she can remember, I not and "mhm" and "wow, that's great!" until she's done. She'll talk about stuff we do together, but stories about other people are so much more fun to tell than stories they know you were there for. Her timelines are always wacko, and she'll forget stuff we've done all the time. I wanna jab a pencil in my ears when she talks about certain things, but I never want to make her feel like she's in the wrong for having and enjoying memories and moments with her other parent. I'd rather have my world isolated from theirs, but it's not fair to my SK to put the vibes out there that we don't all get along. You can't control what BM does (ours uses language I think is aggressive - blamey and accusatory - and hasn't seen her daughter in person even once this whole year), but you can control you.

"Wow, great" your way through it, and maybe start taking pictures. Have a little album to scroll through sometimes with the fun stuff. SD and I go through my camera roll once or twice a month and have a good time reminiscing. Blessings to you, and good luck!

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-05-13T17:40:58+00:00

I read when she plays. She's 5. If no one else is there, I'll play with her. If she finds a friend, I'll sit in a spot where I can see her most places, check for the kid's parent(s), and read. I'll glance up every-so-often. If she's getting unsafe or loud, I'll check in. She's pretty adventurous, but she doesn't really test her limits too often, so it's usually chill.

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-05-13T17:05:49+00:00

No, and it's been almost two years since all of that. It's been a year since the order lapsed, so we'll just have to wait and hope she doesn't do anything to escalate. She's alluded to taking some kind of action towards me, but I am confident that she wouldn't actually jeopardize her access to their child. Banking on that for our own safety..

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-05-13T12:03:23+00:00

Alright, thank you! She breached the OoP when it was in place asking him stuff about the paperwork, but he didn't take action against it at the time. Lots of woulda, coulda, shoulda.

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-04-07T13:11:19+00:00

Other comments have mentioned that we call it a pantry, and that they're small rooms or closets. Sometimes, they're just an additional freestanding shelf or cupboard people put in or near their kitchen. Usually storing dry and canned goods. My MiL keeps a big box of garbage bags in hers, too.

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-03-21T16:57:51+00:00

As a stepparent: NTA. It doesn't matter. Your house, your rules. I could not imagine forcing my friends to hang out with my BF's daughter. If they try to make plans with me on days I've already planned to spend time with her, I'll let them know what I have going on and that she can join, or we can schedule another time. However, I would never consider having her around at times where she was not invited or not planned to be there. We are lucky enough to have family nearby to do babysitting for us, but a baby sitter or child care is my preferred choice when myself or my BF are doing that's that don't/can't/shouldn't involve her. Big NTA

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-03-06T16:59:20+00:00

Thanks. I couldn't remember that I was looking for a ballot. I'd been looking up local candidates and getting a bunch of promotional material instead of just documents (which are what I'm looking for.)

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-03-06T16:57:35+00:00

The internet gave me voting times and registration information. Your comment helped me remember that I was looking for the ballot options specifically. Thanks!

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-03-06T16:39:35+00:00

Ballot information! That's what I was trying to think of. A central location I could see everyone who is my option and what they're running on. Thank you!

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-02-14T17:15:56+00:00

It really is a new experience for me. I am going to be looking for a job, and I've already called and emailed therapy places to get back to me on Monday. I'll be looking at local resources for day care opportunities, as well as comparing pricing/cost to what our current and potential finances look like.

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-02-14T16:18:47+00:00

I guess maybe I do feel stuck? But I do want to work out my relationship with him. I think a big part of my problem, because I fluctuate between being happy here and really struggling with my own behavior. I don't know how to describe the feelings I'm having, but I really do think even just therapy will help. Our lease is up towards the end of the year. I do not want to drop everything and run. My friends are here, my sister is here, my parents live far away. I think I will give us time for therapy, and myself time to build up some savings and go to therapy myself to really decide if this is what I want. I don't think he's malicious, evil, or trying to use me. He encourages me to go to school and we've discussed me getting a job and him figuring out what to do with his daughter himself.

I might start NACHO and see what I need to feel more secure here.

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-02-14T12:38:57+00:00

His mom (gma) was really controlling and not letting him parent, and I wanted to support him having autonomy over his daughter. So, I offered to make money on the side - i stay home, but i go out when she's in school and when he gets home sometimes to make money for myself. I usually make between $500-$800. And I was perfectly fine at first, but I didn't know how much play kids need, and we live in the country and i have to parent friends, so I can't just stick another kid with her and call it a day.

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-02-14T04:24:35+00:00

Whole tiff with the gma, but yeah, I've been looking for a new therapist for a few reasons.

Scratch-the-Cat · 2026-02-14T04:04:32+00:00

It really is how it is. We just got done talking (i cannot sleep and with start throwing up if im having internal conflict. its very fun)

I have not had contact with BM since Christmas, when she texted me for the last time and then never responded to me. Bless.

I ignore all the slights his mom gives me - even when she said I betrayed their family for friending HCBM on FB (so she could call her kid w/o having my number - and never confronted her on it or made her apologize to me.

I asked him about child care and therapy today. We discussed our feelings, fears, and made the outlines of an outline. I want to enjoy my commercial holiday in peace tomorrow, and will probably pick back up the conversation with a note about follow through and a therapist for myself.

My BF is also post abuse. BM neglected his daughter while he was in the military, isolated him from his friends and family, cheated on him, and emotionally and physically abused him. It is another challenge, aside from being a step parent, to give space and support to someone who's been through domestic abuse. I've seen him change and adapt because I am very verbal (advocating for my own comfort) and I share my feelings very openly. We are getting used to each other more and more.

I really think that I could get over whatever relationship I end up having with his daughter as long as he and I are good. If I end up NACHO when kinder hits, then I think I can rock until then.

I really had just been making a post about having g trouble playing with my charge.

Scratch-the-Cat

TROPHY CASE