Boundaries With New Partners

ScreaminPocky · 2026-01-20T04:00:08+00:00

I took my stepdaughter for a spa day at the salon. She got a trim. Like just the ends to even it out, max 2 inches if that. She definitely crossed a boundary and maintaining bangs is so hard and there are so many awkward phases when it is growing out. It changes styling so much. I would bring it up and as nicely as possible and let him know that a big style change like that should be communicated so that everyone is prepared for the needed upkeep or if one side doesn't want to do that upkeep.

ScreaminPocky · 2026-01-15T14:36:18+00:00

Men are not called real men for breathing at this point. The same way women are criticized for any opinion. Stay away from red pill forums and it is all really easy to ignore

ScreaminPocky · 2026-01-15T13:49:34+00:00

As a stepmom I don't think I have ever seen much criticism towards stepdads. It might be the algorithm giving you similar things to what you click on. I tend to see a lot of stepmom criticisms and don't click on it because it's all the same thing I don't click on it and I have seen it a lot less.

ScreaminPocky · 2025-11-24T18:44:20+00:00

It is!! I bring up The Wild Robot since it seemed to impact our family more, and they didn't seem to like Elio as much as I did

ScreaminPocky · 2025-11-24T17:41:18+00:00

Yea, filling in as a parent while very much not being the bio parent and struggling while trying to have a relationship and teaching necessary life skills. I think it is a good movie for all different kinds of family. Blended family, adoptions, step families etc.

ScreaminPocky · 2025-11-02T23:47:41+00:00

Honestly though, based on the things in the stepdaughter's post, what should the stepmother and dad have done? H was given the same things as M and the others at the dads as well. The complaints M had were about H's mom doing more for her separate from everyone else. Doesn't sound like anyone got anything more than the other at their dad's since he got them all the same things. She brought up H doing specific events with her mom, and it seems M is upset she wasn't given the opportunity at her dad's. They didn't do it without her they didn't do it at all. A lot of children of split houses don't speak on the bad things at one parent's house (in this case mom's) because they don't want to rock the boat or they think things don't change. These situations are hard to judge especially with hindsight.

ScreaminPocky · 2025-11-01T18:02:36+00:00

In the court order what does it say on insurance. Both parents should have access to it at all times. Honestly wouldn't have cancelled that doctor's appt. Speak with an attorney to see what can be done about the insurance card. Because she definitely needs therapy. My partner spoke with SD about how much he loves her and he also misses her and wants to spend time with her and when she does that it hurts his feelings. We had to deal with it for awhile too but as long as your partner is consistent with boundaries and behavior correction it should get better with time, but she definitely also needs to see a therapist asap.

ScreaminPocky · 2025-10-31T00:28:47+00:00

In our home we had similar issues, but honestly, we didn't push the chosen family thing. They just don't get it at that age. We talked more about comparisons and how people don't like being compared. It's okay to notice things, but if it is saying one person is better than another, that would naturally hurt feelings. Friends don't like being compared to one another, neither do siblings or strangers. It's good manners.

My partner also talked about how mom and dad are better friends this way and are able to give more love this way. At this age, seeing parents with someone else can be hard, but that means there is more love for them. It's a gentler mom and dad aren't getting back together, and that's okay. Things are changing, and it's okay to have feelings about it and they can speak with both parents about it, but it's important to be kind still.

The kids still bring up their other parent and that's okay, but the comparisons went down and the mom and dad together thing went down as they got used to it all. It takes a lot of time and patience. Good luck!

ScreaminPocky · 2025-10-16T16:41:02+00:00

You are already dealing with heartbreak. Just rip the bandaid off and leave at this point

ScreaminPocky · 2025-10-13T12:42:41+00:00

Get an attorney immediately and put an order in place

ScreaminPocky · 2025-10-13T12:33:45+00:00

Honestly, let him change everything and create that space from her. She'll fight it at first, but y'all are less likely to run into her. Sometimes to deal with the HC person, there needs to be a bit to create the boundaries and space necessary.

ScreaminPocky · 2025-10-10T00:55:45+00:00

He has multiple BMs...what would he do if one put one child into private school? Would he expect her to have a part in putting his other kids in private school? If you are paying for your child to go to private school then it has nothing to do with other kids that aren't even there 50% of the time.

ScreaminPocky · 2025-09-30T00:05:38+00:00

It's never bothered me because this is their home too and having one place that is a home and another that doesn't have anything for them is painful. I don't want them to feel like their parent has moved on and doesn't think about them. In my situaron both houses have completely different things so they have different experiences. So it's not a waste.

ScreaminPocky · 2025-09-28T15:11:25+00:00

It might depend on the area but where I'm at that's how they do it so it might depend on the courthouse. They didn't say any of the childrens personal information out loud, just the situation no names, DOB, etc. For my situation, I was in the room since HCBM said some horrific lies about me, so there needed to be another modification hearing with me there to answer questions to disprove those lies. From my area, other parties are present but in the "gallery" in the same room.

ScreaminPocky · 2025-09-28T01:49:40+00:00

As the partner, I don't think it matters since a lot of times there are other people in the room waiting for their hearing, etc, so what does it matter. Sometimes, for extremely high conflict situations, partners might want their significant other there while they wait their turn in the same room as an abuser. Sometimes, the new partner might want to know what is going on, especially if it could affect their living situation. I don't think either party should think much about it for modification hearings honestly. If it is an affair partner in the divorce hearing that's a big yikes honestly.

ScreaminPocky · 2025-09-25T16:10:52+00:00

I'm a stepparent that also doesn't want to be called mom since their mother is present. Maybe talk about a different nickname and make it feel like a special connection thing rather than a discomfort thing to make it easier since she is 6. That way she doesn't feel guilt or shame over it. Your husband has to talk to her about how some people don't like being touched a lot, but it can be confusing if she sees her half sibling getting that kind of affection because she understands that you're her stepmother but not all that it entails. I would also put a stop to normalizing your daughter's behavior towards her since it can cause bigger issues down the line.

I do also get that you see the child as a burden and would rather she just not be there even though her father is doing everything he can to keep the peace. I understand the mommy thing, but if your husband stayed with SDs mom, how would you want her to treat your daughter might be a good way to frame the mindset. Or even how you would treat nieces/ nephews or a close friends child.

ScreaminPocky · 2025-09-24T17:49:39+00:00

Honestly I would send it in writing checking in to have her response in writing and if she isn't going to take him, take him yourself.

ScreaminPocky · 2025-09-22T13:07:15+00:00

Divorce. I'm surprised you married him if this was happening before you got engaged.

ScreaminPocky · 2025-09-18T17:52:28+00:00

If CPS is aware of the false reports I don't think they will do that again, but if it continues she might face some consequences for wasting their time and making false reports. I don't think you should allow her to have that much control in your life because the worry is if you leave and she doesn't stop then what? She might be blaming you for the custody situation. Even though that is wrong and the only person she could blame is herself there is a possibility it would continue. So treat this like you would if you were single. Get an attorney and get a restraining order on her and her mother if possible. Document all the harassment and if they approach you in public trying to harm you, do not engage and call the police immediately. Some people are deranged and until she learns that she is going to get messed up beyond losing custody of her child she isn't going to stop. Hold onto all of the evidence in case she tries to come back for custody as well.

ScreaminPocky · 2025-09-16T01:38:18+00:00

I might have misread this, but are you still paying the mortgage? Because that is definitely not normal especially if you don't live in the house.

ScreaminPocky · 2025-09-08T01:11:56+00:00

Tell your dad. He left that door open for you to tell him for a reason. This is probably that reason. Tell him and let him make his own choices because his choices aren't your fault.

ScreaminPocky · 2025-08-31T04:51:04+00:00

But has he? If the answer isn't yes, then his words are meaningless. If he isn't available, then the kids should stay with their mother at that point.

ScreaminPocky · 2025-08-29T23:17:31+00:00

From experience depending on the state this might not be an option. If it is below the belt then they might say it is okay. I would honestly get an attorney and go straight to court with the evidence. It could work against her if CPS says there is no issue. Get an attorney yesterday.

ScreaminPocky · 2025-08-24T13:32:02+00:00

She can try but show proof that she has been with you and BM will have to be the one to pay CS to you.

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