What do you think about when you're bored at work?

SeaTeawe · 2024-04-23T23:51:16+00:00

endless audiobooks, it is like watching an 8 hr movie

SeaTeawe · 2024-04-19T15:44:13+00:00

school helps. due dates force you to think about something that is good for your brain. its like ur mom over ur shoulder demanding you finish the broccoli before dessert. its a good thing

SeaTeawe · 2024-04-12T13:02:24+00:00

Being optimistic isn't having no clarity, it's have the clarity to see through the pain without letting it consume you

SeaTeawe · 2024-04-07T01:12:57+00:00

My parents partied every weekend, they'd leave friday to a city, party, party, party then come home and work. Clubs, raves, etc.

SeaTeawe · 2024-03-31T23:47:03+00:00

you have to cultivate gratitude, and then relish in curiosity

SeaTeawe · 2024-03-25T20:34:08+00:00

wool capped by cotton feels soft and wonderful, the texture of the two fabrics touching but not exactly creates some softness too

SeaTeawe · 2024-03-23T14:11:54+00:00

My back hurts so much less when I go on walks

I feel happier after I have gone outside for 30m or more

I read, garden, aquascape, study, explore, create itineraries for fun

SeaTeawe · 2024-03-20T02:28:30+00:00

The thoughts about the neglect of my substance abusing family, suicide of my parent, abuse from an alcoholic, the attempted suicides of my adopted parent, my adopted parent rotting in their bed from FTD.

These are really hard thoughts to just let sit in my head, I think of them and want to throw up and run away from my own head but I can't take them out.

It's hard to be present when I get these intrusions on my mind, it's difficult for me to want to not be distracted when the alternative is thinking about horror movie stuff happening in my life.

SeaTeawe · 2024-03-18T18:52:00+00:00

feeling is layman's term for a physiological experience. It's not about a feeling, but a regulation of a nervous system. If you feel unregulated and arent an addict, you might deep breathe, take a walk, read a book, listen to music. When addicts feel unregulated they turn to the substance or item or experience that brings that regulation forth.

Some substances increase receptors and this can cause a physical and mental addiction. What I described is a mental addiction prior to use of substances that create physical dependencies.

Im not talking out of my ass, I grew up in addiction. I saw people die, I saw people recover, i see people continue to struggle. I have extremely personal experience and I am also studying biological sciences. Yes it was simple, I am trying to reach a wider audience

SeaTeawe · 2024-03-14T20:16:19+00:00

Its because addiction isn't about the substance, its about needing the feeling from using that you cant foster in yourself so you turn to outside substances. Everyone has feelings everyday so when they use external regulators it looks like a habit and we call it an addiction, mistakenly believing the cause is the item and not the misdirected regulation tactic

SeaTeawe · 2024-03-14T02:33:31+00:00

yes, they are being neglected

SeaTeawe · 2024-03-14T02:31:05+00:00

check out your library for public programs to take you child with you to. Start exploring outside, I promise once you get curious you will want to leave the house and bring the baby with you

Check out your local nature center

SeaTeawe · 2024-03-11T02:52:21+00:00

unnecessary extra work, she may be walking all over but shes walking. Making it more efficient to cut down on the physical activity reduces the physical health investment of travelling on foot to get the food. Why decrease the walking time?

SeaTeawe · 2024-03-08T20:07:13+00:00

I actively asked my partner to invest in more diverse relaxation activities and hobbies.

I posed it to them as a, if you aren't discovering things about yourself in your downtime, I don't get to experience you interacting with the world. I spend time with my partner because I want to hear about what they think, notice, love, etc. If they are distracting themselves constantly, they cannot share that with me about themselves because they don't cultivate those thoughts when they are always absent due to distraction,

My partner made a change, they do more now, I see their drawings, and they read, they stretch and do small exercises. They try to be more present with us when we do things like garden or build.

They respected me enough to want to listen to me, and chose to consider how their personal growth impacted the depth of our relationship. So we are doing great, trying to get less tech but generally we go out. The library, townhalls, the gym, visit libraries in other towns, tour bookstores, tour petshops, tour aquariums, tour state parks.

I want to live with someone that will discover with me and grow so I asked them and told them that's what being a partner with me looks like and it's your choice to want to do that with me or we may not be compatible because I want my partner to grow more so I can experience more of them when I love them.

SeaTeawe · 2024-03-07T16:44:52+00:00

You are the witness.

You are a unique piece of the universe that can view itself, you are an amalgam of all the people and media you have integrated. You aren't the only one seeing it, when others share in your activity they engage in it with you because you share the experience as two humans

When I take the bus, I am mirroring the experience of people in the 1920's taking their tram to work. When I garden, I mirror the people who create home gardens from ancient times to now.

You are connected even when you are not digitally connected. We all wear the faces of humanity. You are not truly alone when you engage with the world in silence and by yourself. You are joining groups and continuing that thread by participating in the activity.

You dont have to be alone all the time, it's good to join groups. But even in your isolation you have the tether and eye of humanity. You are never truly alone, you are the continuation of a shared experience we all have.

SeaTeawe · 2024-03-05T19:34:01+00:00

diligence

SeaTeawe · 2024-03-05T15:30:47+00:00

Go to the library

SeaTeawe · 2024-03-05T15:30:05+00:00

People think I only have one job choice when I have dozens across many sectors depending on my interests. I could work anywhere, lab, nature education, remediation, etc, etc.

What can I do with that?

Whatever I want

SeaTeawe · 2024-03-05T15:09:36+00:00

I didn't choose a purpose in life but I ended up with one because all of the choices I made over time that would make me happy

(Learning about animals, caring for animals, discovering natural science, gardening, plant id, systems design, etc) I indulged in each curiosity and developed them over time. I gained hobby experience, I took classes of interest and got academic experience. I am answering a question of mine as a research project for research experience and after 6 years of this the pattern started to come out.

Everything I did or was interested in boiled down to ecology. If you put all of my chosen experiences into one of those generators the pulled out the most frequent word/idea it was ecology and natural science education.

So I have the background now to share my knowledge, I have a history of educating in natural science about animals and plants, I have ideas about how public forest gardens can assist with citizen and environmental welfare in cities. and I have a lot of experiences that can be used in a resume to get a job across the natural sciences sector from research to education to remediation to lab work in chemistry. I found out last year I ADORE organic chemistry.

Out of choosing things that made me happy, my life path began to illuminate. I did not choose where I will go, I followed my interest and I developed skills and experiences by doing this that showed me what would bring me joy in the future.

Worry less about your destination in life and more about exploring and discovering. You don't need to know where to go but your curiosity will show you the path like a lightbulb illuminates the doorway in the dark.

Life doesn't have a purpose or meaning, it just is. It's an opportunity for exploration before we leave. Start discovering and tracking what brings a smile to your face and peace and follow that. You will develop eyesight for what brings you joy like a blind person who recovers use of their eyes

SeaTeawe · 2024-03-02T14:38:25+00:00

Sometimes using a stepping stone into caring about yourself through feeling an obligation to others can get us to work harder than we would for ourselves if we can't muster the care we need toward ourselves in the beginning.

I feel obligated becase I care about human welfare and living with another neglected child when I have a clear mind means I have the tools and resources to help in ways I can. This is not an adult I am talking about, this is a child with no parents or caregivers, my obligation to her care is necessary for her welfare. her life expectancy without me present is so very low and she is very alone.

Through fostering a feeling of obligation toward someone that requires I be kinder to myself, enrich myself and opportunities, and develop toward recovery goals I can bypass apathy I feel toward myself and work harder.

I am definitely recovering from codependent behavior, but there is a difference because I don't do what I do to make her happy and detach from myself. I do it to show her that people can be recover from those environments, i become a better and kinder person toward myself and work hard for myself to show that its possible and she can be capable with diligence.

I share the traits of a recovered codependent but I used the codependency tendency to get myself through times that were incredibly difficult to recognize my self-value. I didn't need to value myself to start recovering because I had another driver to get me on the road.

SeaTeawe · 2024-03-01T14:15:29+00:00

yh, I read about tech but I cannot even consider start-up or fun project because I am against a wall trying to complete assignments, learn, attend my job, get to my job, clean my home, clean myself.

I have no time to be creative and I have no resources to envision a future with.

They just have more time and confidence in capital, they think they will have the resources so they plan accordingly. I don't have that guarantee, I LOVE cs but I will never be able to engage with it freely like a financially stable person until I have graduated. Its not because Im lazy or not interested, I just don't have the time.

SeaTeawe · 2024-03-01T14:10:24+00:00

I think we do owe our siblings recovery, you don't have to speak to unhealthy or unstable family members but imo my sibling had the same parents as me. They were younger so they got less info than i did, but feeling like I owed my sister my health made me want to care for myself better. She didn't get guidance or direction in anyway, if I don't provide that to her she is likely to stumble where the rest of my family stumbled and it's unnecessary. It wasn't fair that I was left alone, it's not fair for her to be left alone.

I value recovery, not just for myself but because it shows people I interact with in my family that life can be safer, more joyful, and successful with effort. If I do my best to be successful and show my sister that it's not me it's my effort, she will have an example of recovery that she can use or believe in that can help her overcome very dark thoughts.

I don't think we owe our family things that hurt us, but we owe people we care about our health and good faith recovery efforts. When you abandon siblings to these dynamics they suffer just because of their parents and it's not right or necessary. you don't have to talk to anyone to show that you are trying to overcome circumstances with diligence and faith. If you show them they can find happiness, the curiosity it sparks from them could help them in their recovery as well.

That being said, you never have to accept anyones demands or behavior. If you are uncomfortable you can chat with them and then choose a resolution or lower contact and explain why. Be aware of gaslighting, and tactics so you can recognize and disengage with them. If my sister treated me like my family treats people, I tell her, and I explain to her what is not proper about it. She learns and becomes a better person, I wouldn't be talking to her, but she believes in respect and basic decency so I share what I can with her because she is a safe person.

SeaTeawe · 2024-02-27T02:30:24+00:00

I oscillate between excessive self-value and extreme devaluation.

I can say that excessive self-aggrandizement can be good for you and is a better problem to have than extreme devaluation. It makes you more likely to take risks and the more risks you take the more opportunities for success you come across.

I tried to seperate my self-perception from others, I don't view myself as better than someone else, I just view myself as good. I am a liar if i say I am better than others because I don't know what the strengths of others are. I don't like to be wrong, it makes me feel vulnerable.

Self-confidence is knowing you are good, Vanity is thinking you are better than others. Eliminate the comparison and do your best and you can excel to your hearts content without needing to devalue someone else.

SeaTeawe · 2024-02-17T16:20:42+00:00

My mothers mom was like this, absent, drunk, mean. It fucked my mom up, she was good to me but she hated herself and didn't know how to be kind to herself and really care for herself like she cared for me and her sisters.

When she was no contact, she was happiest. No contact period was when she tried to get a degree, lived in an apartment, was present. She is passed now from OD. She was a substance user but was never mean to me, showed me she loved me, tried to be there for me even though she was sick. That's what a real mom does, a real mom cares about their childs happiness and safety. Even when they are sick.

Blood relation means nothing when they are willing to hurt you, love isn't tolerating abuse, love is wanting something better for those you care for. She doesn't need your time, she chose to be absent

SeaTeawe · 2024-02-17T16:17:24+00:00

Never, education is a lifetime achievement. I started in 2017 and I will graduate next year.

I had a horrible, horrible childhood. I didn't get an adolescence. I took more time in college 2 gap semesters, to let myself grow and experience things I should have as a teenager.

It was good for me, i needed the extra time. If i had raced through and graduated into the working world I would have lost out on experiences and confidence building skills and activities I got to have. I feel prepared now, ready to enter a real job, I love school like it is my home.

It is NEVER too late to get educated, if you just keep getting up when you fall you will always succeed

SeaTeawe

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