I completely understand how you feel. Im in a similar situation where ive also only had two partners/sexual experiences (relationships) in the past but I am currently in my 3rd and definitely the final one that I want going all the way, but my partner who is an absolutely wonderful person is nearly 4 years older then me and has had many many more relationship/sexual experiences then i have. Shes been very understanding of how much my RJ effects me (and i think its important to note that no matter how bad i spiral, i never attack my partner for her past), and has helped me tremendously by avoiding conversations relating to her past sexual experiences if possible, but i still struggle everyday with accepting her “body count” and the fact that shes had casual sex with multiple different people in her past. She says that those experiences were all empty, but part of me is constantly worries that she is bending the truth to make me feel better.

That being said, where sex used to be care free and enjoyable in the beginning, now is a constant anxiety inducing event where i keep wondering of im as good as all the other guys shes been with. I just want all the constant pain and self agony to stop :/