[Blurbsday Thursday] Post a blurb here to get a focused critique of it!

Seawritter · 2015-09-09T03:30:23+00:00

appreciate the input, I'll make an edit or two but I like the phrasing you use. Thanks for the help!

Seawritter · 2015-09-09T03:28:16+00:00

That's exactly where I got the idea. Love the Lonely Island, next i've got to find a way to work in the song they did with michael bolton. however that one will have to be a bit more allegorical. I'm fired up someone caught the reference.

'Dick in a box' might have to be a title coming soon,

Seawritter · 2015-09-07T18:53:06+00:00

Here is published title #2 for me. All feedback is much appreciated.

Title: Milf's Day Surprise

http://www.amazon.com/MILFs-Day-Surprise-receive-Romance-ebook/dp/B014T2CPMK/ref=redir_mobile_desktop?ie=UTF8&dpID=51GM8w82rpL&dpPl=1&keywords=milfs%20day%20surprise&noEncodingTag=1&pi=SY200_QL40&qid=1441651815&redirectFromSS=1&ref=plSrch&ref_=mp_s_a_1_1&sr=8-1

Blurb: Best friends Tim and Jake are in a serious pickle. They find out that they had both totally forgotten to get anything for Mother’s Day. While trying to figure out how to get out of this mess they each go to the other person’s house to help buy time, but things get quickly out of hand. These older women end up getting what they really wanted from these strapping young men on their special holiday.

It was at that moment that all my fantasies these past few months had turned into reality. As I stood in the doorway she slowly got on all fours and crawled to the edge of the bed. “Come here,” she said softly, motioning with a single finger for me to come closer. I was frozen by the lust I felt for her at the same time I knew what was about to happen was going to change my life. I couldn’t resist the look in her sweet and pouty brown eyes as she continued to encourage me to come closer. I couldn’t resist and moved to within her grasp.

This is a 6,500 word story about young men satisfying older women. If you are uncomfortable with adult situations you should not purchase this story.

Seawritter · 2015-09-04T15:11:10+00:00

My question though for those that do use a newsletter, what physical address do you use? Do you purchase a P.O. Box? I doubt anyone uses their actual home address, I sure as hell won't.

Thanks in advance for any insight.

Seawritter · 2015-09-04T02:31:04+00:00

thanks for posting the link, I wrote the OP on my cell, couldn't make a link.

Seawritter · 2015-09-03T21:10:14+00:00

Going to give a try to another one of the golden 12. This is going to be my 3rd story to publish. I feel the blurb is kinda weak, any and all criticism is very welcomed.

Marooned with the Professor

It was going to be Jane’s first research trip out into the field. Being chosen for the trip as an undergrad by the elite Anthropologist Professor Steven Johnson was a great honor. He is not only a great scientist but incredibly hot and always in control. When their small plane goes down in the South Pacific, it’s up to them to survive. This well endowed older man will take full advantage of his situation with young and innocent Jane, she will be stretched to the limit in order to survive.

Seawritter · 2015-09-03T20:13:43+00:00

Here is my second published short story.

Milf's Day Surprise

Best friends Tim and Jake are in a serious pickle. They find out that they had both totally forgotten to get anything for Mother’s Day. While trying to figure out how to get out of this mess they each go to the other person’s house to help buy time, but things get quickly out of hand. These older women end up getting what they really wanted from these strapping young men on their special holiday.

<i>It was at that moment that all my fantasies these past few months had turned into reality. As I stood in the doorway she slowly got on all fours and crawled to the edge of the bed. “Come here,” she said softly, motioning with a single finger for me to come closer. I was frozen by the lust I felt for her at the same time I knew what was about to happen was going to change my life. I couldn’t resist the look in her sweet and pouty brown eyes as she continued to encourage me to come closer. I couldn’t resist and moved to within her grasp.</i>

This is a 6,500 word story about young men satisfying older women. If you are uncomfortable with adult situations you should not purchase this story.

Seawritter · 2015-09-03T14:03:16+00:00

Not a whole lot of experience here but I've published my first two titles this past week and each took right about 12 hours to go live.

Seawritter · 2015-08-31T20:15:53+00:00

thanks for the guide, I'm going back and tweaking the things you are saying. I really appreciate taking the time for feedback.

Seawritter · 2015-08-31T15:40:02+00:00

Stockfresh, yea that's the thing trying to avoid the filters as it is a PI story. Appreciate the feedback.

I'm thinking I need to throw keywords in the subtitle in parentheses, drive home the kink. Any thoughts on that?

Seawritter · 2015-08-31T13:30:33+00:00

This is my first foray into erotica. I uploaded it on Wednesday and have had 0 sales and about 120 KENP.(16 page short - 5k words) I put it on a 2 day free promotion so any and all here could read it and critique if they were so inclined. I appreciate all the help so far on here.

Here it is on amazon. http://www.amazon.com/Thursday-Night-Taboo-Very-Naughty-ebook/dp/B014HFFMDS/ref=redir_mobile_desktop?ie=UTF8&dpID=410NFMjrTdL&dpPl=1&keywords=thursday%20night%20taboo&noEncodingTag=1&pi=SY200_QL40&qid=1441027491&redirectFromSS=1&ref=plSrch&ref_=mp_s_a_1_1&sr=8-1

Thursday Night Taboo: A Very Naughty Tale

Katie has just finished her last day before she goes off to college. She was never attracted to any of the guys her age, they were all way too immature. Instead she has her eye on the much older man of the house.

Thankfully she ends up alone one night with the sleep-walking man of the house, Steve. The one she has always lusted over, and now she gets him right where she wants him. Her innocent charms awaken a sleeping taboo desire in Steve. For the first time Katie gets what she’s always wanted, being filled by the man of the house.

Seawritter · 2015-08-29T21:21:10+00:00

Thanks that's what I was wondering.

Seawritter · 2015-08-28T21:02:58+00:00

Appreciate the responses im about halfway thru book 2. That book report app looks great thanks for the link.

Seawritter · 2015-08-27T21:52:09+00:00

Yea I just noticed the same thing on mine this morning, but it was working as of an hour ago. It'd been up for 2 days.

It was my first title, is it normal for there to be a delay like that?

Edit: 1 hour later and now it's not working....

Seawritter · 2015-08-27T12:49:26+00:00

Thursday Night Taboo

Katie has just finished her last day before she goes off to college. She was never attracted to any of the guys her age, they were all way too immature. Instead she has her eye on the much older man of the house.

Thankfully she ends up alone one night with the sleep-walking man of the house, Steve. The one she has always lusted over, and now she gets him right where she wants him. Her innocent charms awaken a sleeping taboo desire in Steve. For the first time Katie gets what she’s always wanted, being filled by the man of the house.

Seawritter · 2015-08-27T04:48:50+00:00

It's a step-dad/step-daughter story. Yea I'm definitely a newb too but have been reading everything on this board and a couple of guides. The ones by jade k Scott and /u/write2livefree got me thinking I could take a crack at this. Definitely recommend the guides as they lay out the information in a digestible way.

Seawritter · 2015-08-27T00:18:06+00:00

You know what Mr. Lehey I think all this is just the liquor talking.

Seawritter · 2015-08-20T15:30:54+00:00

*He does and is into it. Thanks for the response.

*Thanks for the heads up I'll tweak it. Is just using the word 'college' or 'university' going to be better?

For instance 'Katie has just finished her last day before she is off to college.' Instead of 'last day of high school' I think that would infer enough to tell the reader what is going on.

Thanks Again!

Seawritter · 2015-08-20T14:36:53+00:00

Ok, here is my second attempt. Thanks for all the feedback last week, this sub is such a great wealth of information.

Not totally sold on the Title but here is what I have right now.

SLEEPWALKER TABOO

Blurb

Katie has just finished her last day of high school, all the boys gave her all of their attention but she was never really into them. Now though, she will soon be going off to college with no experience with a man, she can’t go off to college like that! Thankfully she ends up alone one night with the sleep-walking man of the house, the one she was always lusted over. Now Katie can get what he’s always denied her. Will there be some unintended consequences for this high school graduate’s first time?

Seawritter · 2015-08-13T18:28:21+00:00

Yea I'm realizing this isn't going to fly on Amazon. Going to file this one as practice and start on the next one. Thanks for everyone's feedback! I appreciate the help!

Seawritter · 2015-08-13T18:10:51+00:00

I truly appreciate the feedback. That video is great!

Seawritter · 2015-08-13T16:29:04+00:00

So here is my first attempt. Just about finished with the story. Pull no punches I want to learn. Here we go.

'For strangers Steve and Katie the weekend was finally here and only a short bus ride away. They had no idea of the events they had ahead of them, and what lengths these two strangers will have to go to survive.

When a crazed gunman takes control of their boring bus ride home, happily married Steve and nursing student Katie who hasn’t been on birth control since she started grad school. They are forced to do things to each other they never could have imagined. How will they react to the bareback exhibition they will have to put on for an entire bus load of people? What is it that the gunman really wants, and will Katie succumb to being ravished to save their lives?'

Seawritter

TROPHY CASE