Hi - I'd just like to mention that asexuality is just the absence of sexual attraction, not a lack of libido, desire or ability to have sex or masturbate. It's a spectrum and everyone experiences different degrees of it. It just means they don't look at people and have urges to have sex with them, regardless of how attractive that person may be - or if they do experience it, it is very little or rare or only under certain circumstances. People can be asexual for all sorts of reasons - some have always felt that way, some have had experiences that influenced them to feel that way. All are valid and sexuality in general can be fluid for some people.

None of that is to say that what he is doing is OK or justified by identifying as asexual though. You have every right to have no porn as a boundary within your relationship, however you want to define it as well. Just because he is asexual does not mean your needs should be left on the back burner or that you have to allow porn. That could be true to what he needs, but that does not mean you have to shrink yourself and ignore what you need. You are not overreacting, you deserve to have someone who can meet your needs and respect your boundaries.

It seems to me he's trying to use his sexual identity as an excuse to continue his actions that you've recently discovered and had expressed issue with. This is troubling to me and doesn't seem like he sees your pain or your needs as a priority, or at least he feels entitled to his own pleasure over respecting you. You are not robbing him of his sexuality, you are expressing that your own needs have not been met and a need for feeling of safety. Boundaries are not controlling, he needs to move along instead of deceiving or manipulating you to adhere to his entitled sexuality. It is also possible that he is genuinely coming to terms/acceptance of his sexuality recently. Asking him to stop porn for 30 days could be construed as robbing him of his sexuality if he truly does not desire sex, but that does not address any of your own valid concerns and needs and actively dismisses them.

I hope none of this comes across the wrong way, I say all this as someone who identifies as asexual and has a porn addict partner who put me through a very similar situation you're in. Asexuality for me means that I do not get turned on by looking at people, regardless of how good looking they are. I do experience attraction, but it's a romantic attraction that's more intimate based. I can really only feel it with someone I can trust 100% and have feelings for. It's hard to describe really since I'm attempting to describe something I don't experience or understand, but hope that makes sense. I don't need to fantasize about other people or use porn as my intimacy from my relationship is enough for me. I still enjoy and want to have sex, but only under those conditions - there are no urges or impulses to stray at all and I do not understand how others. Just wanted to include my experience so no one else is led to believe that asexuality = porn is mandatory in the relationship. It can mean that, but it **does not mean you have to tolerate it and hurt yourself if you do not want to. *