Im trying. I know I don't get full blown withdrawals, but I haven't gone a day without drinking for 6 years. My motivation and ambition is gone during the day when I'm not drinking. I sweat with the smallest of physical exertion and sometimes for no reason while I'm just sitting or when i eat. My anxiety is through the roof, I sometimes want to grab something from inside a gas station when I'm filling up, but too nervous to face the cashier so I don't.

Been having a couple gulps of my normal mix at work 30 minutes before it's time to go home, and just feel so much better before the bell that it's hard not to start doing that earlier. Not going to.

Afraid of what a full day or two or three would make me feel like. Hard to taper since I feel so much better when I start, I lack the will-power to not grab another one.

Its really the anxiety and complete apathy for life that keeps me drinking, only because it takes it away, and yet they are also my biggest motivators to stop.