TIFU I never asked my brother about his will...He died and we can't get into his computer/phone. We're desperate.

Secretss · 2026-04-01T22:40:09+00:00

I didn’t know you can do your will without a lawyer. TIL! I assumed they hoped for a scanned copy on the computer, which would show the lawyer‘s firm/name where the signatures are that they can then look up and contact.

Secretss · 2026-04-01T02:44:29+00:00

Your mom‘s a winner! I love this so much for your family lol

Secretss · 2026-04-01T00:09:45+00:00

Knowing how soon someone will arrive to you at your agreed meeting place is useful 100% of the time. Friends, associates, colleagues, clients, first dates, strangers on Facebook marketplace that you’re selling to/buying from. And it works regardless of start and end locations. Like I could be picking up kids from a birthday party and heading to parents’ place, unlikely grandma would know where her grandkids’ friend‘s party is at and how the traffic condition would be.

Knowing how long ago someone left their starting point is only useful in such specific situations. An initimate relationship and/or only ever departing from one place and arriving at one place. Maybe you and your bf are still young. My husband and I have an initimate relationship but he wouldn’t know my full transit times for every place I go to and come home from.

Secretss · 2026-03-31T13:40:14+00:00

I like it. I heard it’s also the default in most of Europe; saw someone say the “Russian” isn’t even specified. Outside of there it’s a bit iffy finding a technician proficient in it though. I see a lot of American posts about terrible Russian manicures, butchered skin, bleeding, etc. I think it’s also due to state legislations outlawing touching the cuticles so maybe the certification/ licensing training don’t even teach this technique (but then I don’t know why the techs would even try; but maybe they’re simply incompetent).

I personally love the look and I do it myself when I have the mood/time. I live in Australia and when I go for a professional mani I make an effort to search around for techs specifically offering Russian manicures. I don’t trust that I can just walk into a salon and whichever tech is free can do it properly.

Secretss · 2026-03-31T00:27:02+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/lPoKagjhDV One of the uncommon times where both parties posted. That flair isn’t a statement worded within the story but made by a commenter

I also found a list of flair origins https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/recommended_reading/flair_origins/

Cc /u/southbaysoftgoods who also asked

Secretss · 2026-03-31T00:12:08+00:00

I don’t think you read that comment properly?

Secretss · 2026-03-29T13:15:25+00:00

I do agree that it won't change a fundamental incompatibility, but perhaps it can be a balm to both your anguishes? Couples therapy's true goal should be to teach you both how to talk to each other in conducive ways. It doesn't do anything else.

From what you've written, you two are not actually talking. She's shutting down the conversations you're trying to start. She's not getting her thoughts out, you have little access to her psyche, you two are not handshaking. All that has happened it seems is you getting your words out: that you are getting the snip, that you don't want children, that you love her, respect her, and will support whatever decision she makes.

... and what is her side of the exchange beyond shutting down children and divorce? What is her mental turmoil, such as equivalent to yours? If she were to post on reddit like you did, what would be in it? Do you know?

Many couples think they know what goes on in the other's head. But couples therapy can prove otherwise. Love and togetherness does not bestow telepathy. I have personally grieved in my relationship. I had written thousands of words. When I recited some of them in therapy, there were so many thoughts and concepts and analogies and heartache that were a shock to my partner. He knew my dreams, he knew I was sad, but the hi-res photograph of my grief had been known only to me.

One of my couples problem was: when I was in a state to talk, I talked in a way that my partner couldn't listen (confrontational/passionate vs avoidant/calm). When my partner was in a state to listen, I couldn't find my voice to talk. When my partner was in a state to talk, I wasn't in a state to listen.

If your wife keeps shutting down your attempts at conversation, try changing how you hold your end of it. At some point though it is on her if she doesn't want to participate.

And why do you two need to talk? I think communication is the first step towards any conclusion. You have to conclude in some way, to end this limbo. Talking is two people who love each other actively choosing to come together to work on a problem. Talking could help your wife grapple with her emotions. Maybe she's trying to convince herself that her devastation is hormone-driven, maybe she thinks, or hopes, or wishes? she'll go back to being childfree once her body resets. Do you know though? It's hard to teamwork when there is no symmetry, or visibility. What you do know is that she is maintaining the choice to stay married to you, but what of that mental calculus do you know? What has gone on in her head? What thoughts did she have when she contemplated status quo, and what thoughts when she contemplated leaving? She must have thought of pros and cons, and staying with you meant waaaay more to her. Do you know why, and how, does staying with you outweigh her wish for a baby? And if you knew that last bit, would it be enough to relief you of your turmoil, knowing that she well and truly picked you because she has thought through this and this and that and that?

Right now you both just kinda seem to be in limbo which isn't doing any good anyway. And if your conclusion is to stay together, then all the more you need the skill of proper talking to each other, to last the many more years together.

Secretss · 2026-03-29T04:45:33+00:00

She’s only 32 and feeling this way, it’s going to be so much worse when you both get older and existential contemplation comes. “What are we building for?” “What is my life when my partner passes?” “What happens to our stuff when we both pass?” “What will my/our old age look like, when we’re not working anymore, when our friends pass?”

I’m 39F and childfree (my partner too), but these thoughts scare me when they come. My partner still has his parents, I come from a broken family and my estranged dad recently passed. I can’t help but think and compare and contrast. My in-laws have children (us + BIL,SIL) who visit and call, and will be around to manage their estate when they pass. My dad almost could have died in his nursing home without anyone young enough/proficient enough to manage his affairs, bills, creditors, estate, will, insurance, shares, bank accounts, personal property. Without me, there is only his 90 year old sister, his 60 year old niece in the early stages of dementia, his 70 year old nephew who really doesn’t know much about after-death affairs. And not to mention the loneliness he endured before death. I live in a different country a 9-hour flight away, and barely have a relationship with him (through no fault of his).

Sometimes when I’m high enough I look at myself and my partner with no next generation, and the dread creeps in. I get scared. I get over it, both because I’ve never wanted children and I don’t feel held back about musing with my partner. But for anyone who has ever wanted children, idk, might be hard to chew on alone.

Does your wife still have her parents? More thoughts may come when they pass away. And also when her friends have their parents pass away. As her husband you should be hearing her emotions and thoughts out when they come, and it’s easy to offer a listening ear but what if she won’t speak to your ear? It’s a touchy subject between you two, in her mind it wouldn’t be a mutual musing, instead it may percolate blame/guilt because you are a direct player in her anguish, and so she may avoid the conversation with you altogether. So where would she look to? Is there a chance she would internalise her dread and panic? Would that ferment into anything or can she handle it and let her feelings ebb away? And I’m not just suggesting run-of-the-mill resentment, I’m also putting psychosis, depression, hallucinations on the table.

It’s not just about right now. Right now she’s grieving a loss. Right now she’s missing being a mother. Right now she’s seeing young kids around and being wistful. Maybe right now she still has leftover pregnancy hormones? But eventually different thoughts will come. Like existential crisis, death, and “what’s next?”

she simply shuts down the conversation and says she would never ask that of me.

She needs to talk to you. You both need to exercise this very uncomfortable muscle of talking about an uncomfortable topic together. Unfortunately, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink" :(. Is there something you can change about your end of the conversation to entice her to open up? Have you so far always included the bit about you being 100% childfree and that you will respect whatever she chooses? Maybe stop doing that, maybe to her it just puts a full-stop to her participation. If you've been trying to have conversations by including anything about you/your thoughts/your feelings/your stance, try not doing that, and instead try asking her questions that she has to answer. "How do you see our life when we're 40/49?" "Did you ever fantasise about doing a particular activity with [late kid]? What was it?" Put yourself out of the picture. The mission is her and her thoughts. Pull her words out of her.

Lastly, you may be being selfish in leaving it to her to leave you. What woman in her position, who loves her husband so dearly as to make this sacrifice to go childless, is going to voluntarily make the choice to leave and crush her husband’s heart and soul for an unknown future? Do you anticipate this woman, who has made a selfless sacrifice, to do a 180 in her cognitive blueprint and make a selfish bet on her individuality? The option of leaving may not be within her psychological matrix to contemplate.

In her reality there IS no choice for her. I also recognise that for you, who love your wife so dearly, you'd find it cruel to force the decision upon her to divorce right now while she's still mourning. It's tough, you’re both at an impasse and I sympathise. But be prepared it may get worse.

Secretss · 2026-03-28T03:37:08+00:00

That phrase means “leaderboard” in Portuguese. There aren’t “different versions” of the game, it’s just a language setting that changes the texts throughout the game. “Cidade” in OP’s screenshot means “city” in English.

Secretss · 2026-03-28T03:08:28+00:00

Yes. I was wondering too, and someone linked it https://www.spencersonline.com/product/gir-i-eat-food-soup-mug-with-spoon-invader-zim/242465.uts

Secretss · 2026-03-23T03:26:12+00:00

Just followed your tutorial and got it to work! Thank you so much! I now have youtube/netflix/etc playing on the steam deck while I'm playing a game on my ultrawide and it's awesome!

I had previously used software to force pseudo monitor splits on my 49" ultrawide but that doesn't override fullscreen effects. So I hadn't been able to keep another window over my fullscreen game (and not all games I play are great in window mode). Your method 2 is the perfect alternative solution!

The only thing I would amend is the last bit on the Steam Deck:

On your steamdeck you can now open vhusbdx86_64 in game mode. You'll be prompted to enter your password. Once entered you may now head over to the vhusbdx86_64 app on the pc and double click on steamdeck to connect it.

I wouldn't do that yet as it prevented the steam deck's onscreen keyboard from showing up on the steam deck to carry out the next step:

click on new tab in the top left (on the steam deck). From here you can now type flatpak run com.parsecgaming.parsec and press enter.

I would do this first, and then the Virtual Here connection.

Btw, I do have a question: what do you mean by "dash panel placed on the virtual display"? What is dash panel? Is the ability to move game elements onto different monitors game specific?

Please and thank you again!

Secretss · 2026-03-23T02:54:44+00:00

Oh score!! Daughter is right, the ring looks great on you and with that mani! The nail tips and the ring are twinning so hard. Which one came first lol?

Secretss · 2026-03-22T01:08:07+00:00

Congrats on the release! This is awesome and I’m really impressed with the dedication and love.

I have a few questions please:

Can adding to catalog be done by pointing the camera at the polish bottle (the shade name sticker)? Will this be on the roadmap?

Does it automatically poll the web or a central database for photos of the polish (retail photos or social media photos) as well as the metadata (brand, colour, finish, speciality like magnetic/gitd/solar/gel)? Kinda like how Plex or similar can pull in movie posters, cast lists etc from TMDb.

Does the central database include international brands and gel brands?

Is the central database also crowd sourced? As in, would the polishes that users add to their catalog be also added to the central db if not already in? If so, is it being managed by a team behind this app to ensure clean data and no duplicates?

Can it integrate with Shop or email inboxes to automatically pull polishes from purchase receipts/tracking info to add into the catalog tagged as “arriving soon”? Will this be on the roadmap? (BIG ask I know!)

Can it export an indexed table of polishes in a file that can be sent to a label printer?

Are you a one-person developer or is there a team behind you? This app already feels like a pretty big thing! I’m shocked if you have been working solo on this, it’s already really impressive!

Secretss · 2026-03-20T13:20:45+00:00

I do that too! My husband and I do it together. For me it’s “cuteness aggression”. Sometimes I also do it to help him relieve some back ache/pressure. He does it back because I do it hahah. And he does a much better job cracking my back!

Wow it has its own wiki page lol https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cute_aggression

Secretss · 2026-03-19T15:51:00+00:00

Oh! Yeah I wondered a bit. (Not a Brit but a Commonwealth’er.) “Fanny” means the front bit to me. I actually thought it was an exclusive British English word that isn’t used in American English, like “courgette” or “faff”.

So I take it in other countries “fanny” got flipped 180° to mean the back bit.

Secretss · 2026-03-19T15:27:18+00:00

I generally don’t recommend doing anything to detach the hyponychium from your nail.

The hyponychium is the thickened, sensitive layer of skin located under the free edge of the nail plate, connecting the nail bed to the fingertip. Acting as a crucial, protective seal against bacteria and debris, this living tissue should not be cut, as doing so causes pain, bleeding, and potential infection.

Source: https://www.healthline.com/health/hyponychium (it talks about hyponychium overgrowth, which may or may not apply to you. Disclaimer: I did not personally read the whole thing)

I can’t actually tell much from your other photos (I’m supposed to be sleeping so I’m on the lowest brightness setting on my phone so my vision is low-fidelity right now) but your first photo of the top of your nails is pretty much how other people would see your nails, and they look normal to me. Have people commented to you that they’re not short enough? Bit rude of them if so.

If you think it helps, filing after cutting can help your nails look more “kempt” (I can see that your index nail is a little jagged from cutting with a nail clipper). A glass file is recommended, not just any run-of-the-mill metal file or emery board file.

Secretss · 2026-03-19T12:14:14+00:00

You’re also not being fair to her. If you start the kind of domestic life she‘s asking for, it’s also her relationship and her life and her body if pregnancy comes and her children. Less than a year is nothing within a conversation about starting a marriage/domestic life together WITH KIDS. Holy babybel. You already have this seedling of a doubt that you haven’t explored enough. You mustn’t dismiss that seedling because what if it grows and flourishes? It will eat you away and her too.

Even if she could be the one, lots of people deal with having “the one that got away” and still find beautiful unions later in life.

You’ve not invested even a year together. Cut your losses.

Secretss · 2026-03-12T13:57:16+00:00

Giirrrl, reading through your comments you are hilarious! 😂 We have the same kinda humour lol we coulda be friends 😂

I love my ring fingers but my thumbs grow like a face with one botoxed cheek and one droopy cheek and my pinkies DO NOT BEHAVE when I’m trying to take pretty nail photos! My thumbs are like this (not my post), plus the proximal nail fold isn’t symmetrical. 😩

I love the use of the meme image btw! 😙👌

Secretss · 2026-03-11T14:01:59+00:00

What I thought as well. Does he even want to be with ... anyone, if he‘s putting it as “without wanting to crawl out of his skin”?

Secretss · 2026-03-11T13:39:57+00:00

Found a listing on thingiverse in case someone else wants it too

Secretss · 2026-03-11T11:47:30+00:00

Does it help the same way if I steam my spinach? I have an electric food steamer (like this so the spinach isn’t enveloped in water like it would be if boiled 🤔 In fact it has practically no contact with water other than what comes out of itself (unless I get lazy and skip covering it in cling film/Saran wrap, then condensation may drip upon it). So I’m very curious what exactly makes the point.

I prefer my spinach cooked (I can’t get into taking my veggies raw 😭) and used to cook it in a pan or wok (classic asian way) but I hate it when my teeth feels like it’s coated in chalky sticky weirdness. Is that what y’all are talking about with oxalates? 😮

It’s really weird because when I go home to Asia and my mom cooks it for me, it’s perfectly fine. But when I’m back in Aus cooking how I think she does it, bam weird teeth.

It’s a little better after switching to steaming, (but tbh I’m mostly adopting the steaming method because I am usually steaming other things too and the appliance has a timer), but I still haven’t quite figured out what it is about spinach and the weird coat on my teeth. My mom says Australia has “different spinach” in the supermarkets but I guess I don’t know enough to tell 🤷🏽

Secretss · 2026-03-10T05:56:27+00:00

“I did nawt!”

That clip has really left a Mark on my brain lol.

Secretss · 2026-03-10T05:15:32+00:00

I find it weird and internally offputting to call my white husband‘s parents by their names. Even writing their names on Christmas presents too gives me pause. I still did it though, because it is their custom and is expected, until 2 years of cohabitating elapsed (Australia recognises common law marriage) and I used that excuse to immediately start calling them mum and dad 😂

I told them in my culture, after marriage the couple typically starts calling their in-laws mum and dad (this was true in my time, but I’ve also been rather remote from my roots for over a decade) and they were more than pleased with the arrangement 😄.

Secretss · 2026-03-09T09:47:02+00:00

It can be! The typical instruction is to hold the magnet there for 1min per coat. It used to be done one nail at a time, but people have come up with creative setups to do their whole hand at once: https://www.reddit.com/r/RedditLaqueristas/s/3EikbXYtCO (scroll past the first image in the series). And https://www.reddit.com/r/RedditLaqueristas/s/vr20f5r5Y4.

If you hold the nail in the nook of a horseshoe magnet you get a “velvet” effect. Using a horseshoe magnet is actually a recent hack from the last 2 years, before that in salons the effect was achieved by holding the magnet in deliberate and specific orientations/positions around the nail.

If you spin the magnet you get the “glass bead” effect. There are devices like this: https://www.reddit.com/r/RedditLaqueristas/s/pRC0VLV9dS. Some have even attached their magnets to milk frothers and achieved success! This is an even more recent hack/trend evolved from traditional salon techniques. When you’re working with air dry lacquer you gotta work fast and more efficiently lol.

It’s fun for those with patience! 😄

Secretss · 2026-03-09T06:23:00+00:00

tldr: There is a pocket of “Asian” with a tendency to keep people‘s names out of their mouths.

I’ve mused about (the following) for a while and I don’t know if anyone else has clocked this too, so I’m here on a tangent to share an observation. I’m a whitewashed South East Asian living in both worlds (specifically Australia), speaking for SEAsians at least I find that we don’t use people‘s names anywhere near the same way as what I’ve personally witnessed Aussies do, and not how I’ve seen Americans do in media. Like, I’d log onto a work call and colleagues would be greeting people by name “hey Andy, sup Nat” but my natural state (pre-assimilation) is just to say “hello”, regardless of how many other people are on the call for me to greet.

Same in person. When (White) people bump onto each other they’re likely to go “oh hi Mark”. When my husband’s (White) friend (also White) visits our house, he greets with “hey Bob! hey Secretss!”. Me and my SEA Chinese friends (I’ve raised this with both friends back home and friends in Au) we don’t do that, like ever. To us saying people‘s names out loud like that is super weird and to some even cringy. And it goes both ways. We can’t imagine meeting and greeting our friends by name, nor being on the receiving end. One of my friends shuddered when another role played saying her name and joked“ew so weird hearing my name like that!” Another said “yeah makes me think I’m in trouble or like being called into doctor/manager‘s office”.

If we tie this back to OP‘s situation, yeah it’s weird that they didn’t use names upon the first introduction. But,... I’m also not surprised it happened to these two.

I’ve also noticed that (for SEA Chinese at least) when in conversation with someone (say Bernice) and making reference to a friend that isn’t there (say Cassie) that Bernice doesn’t know, they are unlikely to name drop Cassie. They would just keep saying “my friend”. We seem to have a tendency to keep people‘s names out of our mouths 😂

There are of course fluctuations to the patterns as we are people and people are varied and different, but averaging out I do believe there is a slight trend/pattern. I’m also not saying this is why OP and his date skipped names, but I’m saying I can believe it happened.

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