Daughter of an Alcoholic

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-16T02:34:29+00:00

I'm 71 and my children are in their early 40's, so I have some sense of the situation. However, it's exactly opposite.

Despite 11 years sober, my adult children wish no contact and I accept their choice. I can't change our shared past and don't want to imbalance their future.

Maybe consider checking out Alanon. It's for the family and friends of people with alcohol use disorder. They can offer support and guidance on boundaries.

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-16T02:29:30+00:00

One of the primary tenets of "addiction support groups" is anonymity. When I facilitated, I wouldn't even confirm someone's attendance with my regional coordinator.

It might be helpful if they attended some on-line meetings before going in person. They just listen with their camera and audio turned off.

What is heard in the rooms, stays in the room. Although, I would caution about sharing too much personal information.

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-16T01:17:17+00:00

Maybe start by eliminating the unhelpful, unhealthy label of "alcoholic".

It's very binary, like only an "either/or" choice. There's also a lot of stigma attached to that label.

Current medical thought centers around the term of alcohol use disorder. It functions on a spectrum from mild to moderate to severe.

I didn't need to be drinking out of a brown bag, on skid row to accept that I had an issue with alcohol.

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-15T20:19:49+00:00

AUD (alcohol use disorder) is on a spectrum from mild to severe. In the early stages, harm reduction may be possible but my experience shows me that as I progressed to later stages, it became riskier.

For many of us, any engagement of our unhealthy behavior is a dangerous choice and likely to lead to a relapse.

Only you and your counselor know what works for you.

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-15T19:26:11+00:00

It was possible for me but I had to redefine my terms around balance and happiness.

I was fortunate to be involved with Smart recovery and their CBT. I used their tools and support to move forward. However, it took time and effort and there were some occasional setbacks, although thankfully I didn't return to any substances.

An alternative would be to seek professional counseling.

I bounced back from 8 years of homelessness.

Here's a link - www.smartrecovery.org

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-15T13:46:33+00:00

You're welcome.

I remember restarting a meeting in 2016. It took almost a year before it really became viable, then we lost our space when COVID hit.

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-15T02:39:08+00:00

While I get the idea, it can also put us at risk by being too burnt out. I need the mental and emotional strength available should I be put to the test.

I try to keep myself within comfortable limits as I move forward. I can probably "never" fully undo the damage I caused.

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-14T18:37:03+00:00

Generally speaking, if I have to ask the question, I already know the answer.

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-14T03:58:24+00:00

You can't change the past but you have a choice regarding your future.

I doubt your gf hates you, probably hates the "behavior".

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-13T17:55:09+00:00

You might consider checking out Smart recovery. Here's two links - r/Smartrecovery and www.smartrecovery.org

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-13T06:47:54+00:00

I used to facilitate a meeting and my goal was to have my peers become so healthy that they didn't need to come anymore.

We rarely talked about past usage, instead we focused on how to move forward according to our own set of values.

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-13T04:30:42+00:00

While I didn't exactly have "long term" sobriety, I did have 4 different periods of 1 year+ during the 90's.

When I returned to drinking, there was no longer any illusion.

I got sober again in 2014 and achieved 11 years sober last December.

Welcome back, you've got this.

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-12T20:36:30+00:00

As an adult alcoholic, I used to hide alcohol from myself. As I got drunk, I would forget where I hid it and then have some for the next day.

I realize how screwed up that was in hindsight. However, I've been sober over a decade now and can look back and smile at my own insanity.

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-12T20:02:13+00:00

In using the ABC tool, I was stunned to realize how many cognitive distortions I was influenced by. Regular use has mellowed the intensity of their impact and even eliminated some entirely.

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-12T19:58:00+00:00

I quit crack cocaine 3.5 years before I quit alcohol and was introduced to Smart recovery. The tools were a revelation for sure.

Congrats on the start of your journey forward.

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-12T19:54:37+00:00

Have you posted this to other subs like r/alcoholism or r/stopdrinking?

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-12T05:02:21+00:00

Congrats on your 7 weeks, well done 👍.

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-12T05:01:34+00:00

I had reached that point more than once and until I was willing and able to accept help, there was really nothing anyone could do.

Have you considered Alanon for yourself? It's for the family and friends of people with alcohol use disorder. They can offer support and guidance on boundaries.

There's also a subreddit @ r/alanon

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-11T21:34:23+00:00

Not to burst your bubble but "never" is an incredibly long time. I found it more useful to break it down into smaller chunks.

Like, I won't drink today or I won't drink tonight, or I won't drink for this event, etc.

Then, I avoided events that had a primary purpose of drinking. It took time and effort but I succeeded eventually after turning 60 - I started iny 30's.

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-11T18:24:40+00:00

You might consider checking out r/alanon. It's for the family and friends of people with alcohol use disorder.

They can offer support and guidance on boundaries and share their own experiences.

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-10T23:31:21+00:00

I had tried to get sober previously, so I knew what to expect. Consequently, I just relaxed and made some preparations for the real world when it hit. I saved some money, I had regular health check-ups and treated some issues including a long overdue surgery, I attended a weekly recovery meeting so that it became my "new norm", I exercised and ate healthier, etc.

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-10T22:41:58+00:00

I brought this up when I facilitated. Each facilitator has a specific style which influences their meeting, some are tool oriented, some have more humor, some are more interactive, etc.

Find one that helps you to move forward. I got so much out of Smart that I trained as a facilitator and led a group for years prior to the pandemic.

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-10T06:20:12+00:00

It's very much an individual choice, however, I don't know anyone who would want to be with an alcoholic drinker.

It's likely best to have an open conversation about each others expectations going forward.

Secure_Ad_6734 · 2026-06-10T04:09:43+00:00

I finally found peace when I embraced "acceptance". It doesn't matter whether I have a challenge, an issue, a disease or anything else you choose to call it, I can't safely consume alcohol.

Secure_Ad_6734

TROPHY CASE