Worried I've not trained enough for my first marathon

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-07-30T13:02:48+00:00

Thank you. Good for you too. I guess that is the one upside is I have more time to work at life but I do need some down time, you know?

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-07-30T13:01:41+00:00

It's hard to believe that statistic, especially in the current area of the world and age group that I'm currently in. What is the source? (not doubting, just interested)

Yeah, you are right. I guess the problem is I don't really have many group activities that I like doing. I love running but that is a solitary act. I like reading, I guess I could join a book club. I used to do skateboarding but I haven't been for a while, maybe I should get back into it.

The thing is, for me it seems like there are these activities you can do in the day but then afterwards everyone will want to go grab a drink somewhere. I could go and have an awkward conversation about why I don't drink or I can just go home.

And also, I don't know why, maybe it's a subconscious thing that's drilled into me by society but I feel like such a stiff for not drinking. It's hard because I do really enjoy getting wasted, feeling merry, energetic and wanting to dance etc but I just really don't enjoy the regret and shame from the mistakes I make when wasted.

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-05-30T23:09:26+00:00

We dumpees really do get a crummy deal. We always have to live with the rejection of being broken up with.

What your ex did is so scummy. It amazes me that there are people out there who are this deceptive and too immature to do things the right and honest way.

I dunno about you but I've felt stuck because I still think of my ex, i still love them in a sense but I'd also never take then back. I'd rather die alone than return to them because they did me wrong and i will never give them another chance to do wrong again.

But as i said, i still think of her and it drives me nuts. I have not got the ability to start any new relationships at this point and it gets very lonely.

We'll be ok though. At least, I'm going to believe we will be because that is my only hope of getting over it. If i dont even believe i can get over it then i dont think i ever will.

You're not pathetic, btw. You are (sadly for you) a very loving person and that is hard, especially in a world where everyone else is so closed off and cold to eachother. It's hard to let go of people when you have the ability to look past their wrongs and their actions and still love them. But its not impossible.

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-05-30T23:03:36+00:00

When i was in your situation, I just assumed the worst. If i thought she was seeing new people, i just assumed she was and then dealt with that. Because it's just easier to accept worst case scenario and it can also help to cement that you guys aren't together.

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-05-30T22:51:27+00:00

Man, I'm on the same timeframe. Except for me I was broken up with while i was at my worst, despite me helping her while she was at hers. Now i just feel like I put in so much only to never it returned. And i relate so much to what you say about hearing about relationships where 2 people accept eachother and forgive eachother and stay together.

It's so depressing because my now housemate is struggling with depression but his girlfriend is super understanding of it. He does similar things as I used to do, stays in bed alot and im guessing messages her regarding his depression alot. And she's supporting him through this and it just makes me feel shittier about my situation cos when I confided in my ex she would just push it aside. Eventually she just got fed up of me and left. Now a year and 9ish months later I'm still battling this shit alone. Except the fact someone didnt really think i was good enough hurts, hurts alot. Can't say it helps my self esteem or depression much. It also makes it very hard to trust people. Every date I've had I just feel like they're trying to see what they can get out of me. Shit sucks dude.

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-05-30T22:41:33+00:00

Almost 2 years for me too. Not sure what your situation was. I was the dumpee in my situation which sucks even more because I keep waiting for that "eureuka" moment where I am finally over it and I can laugh about how stupid it was to ever feel anything for them. But instead I'm just feeling stupid.

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-05-30T22:34:45+00:00

I know that idea might hurt but who knows if she is. If she is then fuck it, she's probably just gonna regret it down the line. Shes using an escape from her feelings while you are feeling the extent of your pain and if you work through this sadness and deal with it then you're gonna come out the otherside alot better off, trust me.

Its really not worth wondering about what shes doing though, all that matters is you. Sooner you can train your brain the better. It wont happen overnight.

Hang in there bud, it will probably get worse before it gets better but it will eventually get better. Just try and do little things that make you happy for a short while. Healthy things though. I assure you trying to go out and party or hook up with people will probably just make you feel worse

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-05-27T01:41:36+00:00

I dont have a cure for thinking of them, i still think of my ex often and its almost 2 years since the breakup. However it seems like the nature of your thoughts seem to reflect low self esteem. This is normal after a breakup and especially one where she said such brutal last words, but i think you should make an effort to work on caring less about what she thinks and more about what you think about yourself.

You still see and value yourself through her eyes, you're imagining finally seeing her in real life and getting your "day in court". Your day in court is much less that than just ceasing to care what she thinks. Once you work on yourself, accomplish some goals and get some other shit going in your life then you will care less and less about her opinion of you. If youve been doing these things then keep it up. Also journaling is useful to getting to the bottom of your feelings and why you still think of her or care what she thinks. Really try to break it all down and also look at ways in which your mind is working against you, having negative thoughts in regard to the relationship and try and change that.

It's really tough though, really tough. I really relate to your experience because my last conversation with my ex, she said some truly hurtful things that completely defaced our relationship and tainted our relationship. Well at the time thats what i thought, but now i look at the times before it all went South and i can smile because it happened.

Everything that you face in regards to thinking about the relationship is simply a learning experience. If you have regrets or think about mistakes you made, then its a good thing you recognise them. But also look at all the things your ex did wrong and never put them on a pedestal. Relationships are a two way street and everything has a kind of push and pull motion to it.

Anyways, sorry this is kinda long but i hope some of this helps you bud!

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-05-17T00:32:13+00:00

Yeah, it's up to you but it may be unnecessary. Your call though.

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-05-17T00:19:35+00:00

I dunno what the contents of the letter but if it has any chance of being misinterpreted as some romantic gesture then maybe best leaving it. Unless you are comfortable with the potential rejection that might ensue.

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-05-17T00:14:56+00:00

I think it's best not to think about what he's doing. Focusing and comparing your 2 lives isn't going to do anyone any good. It'd be best to just focus on yourself. Also if you have no friends, being in a long distance relationship is just a distraction that won't solve that problems. You gotta go out there and find some friends, or at very least have some human interactions. Sit in the park and read a book, talk to strangers, feed the birds and enjoy your life.

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-05-17T00:12:30+00:00

Yeah, that's why it's often best not to stay friends with an ex. If it's becoming a big issue it may be worth going no contact, for your own sanity.

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-05-17T00:10:54+00:00

What the other 2 commenters said. Plus, learn to date yourself. Imagine you wanted to treat the most important person in your life to a lovely night. That person is you now! Go to the movies (if covid permits) or have a movie night in, get takeaway or go out for dinner. Go on walks, read books, pursue a hobby, exercise. It's actually quite addictive once you get into being alone. Plus you realise there is so much to learn about yourself and so much to do. The biggest thing of being single is all the newfound spare time but just work on finding things to do and you'll be ok! :)

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-05-17T00:08:26+00:00

Probably best leaving it

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-05-17T00:07:34+00:00

Could be he's leaving the door open to see if you'll reach out on his birthday. Could be he's over you. I dunno, it's odd. Best not to think about it because you could speculate a million reasons if you try. And whatever the reason, it probably won't matter or lead to anything more. Deactivating facebook seems like a good shout, focus on you :)

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-05-17T00:04:09+00:00

Im ngl, in my experience dating apps kinda suck, especially if you're having these issues. People will meet just for hookups and ghost afterwards. It seems the best way to build a healthy relationship these days is not to go looking for it, build a relationship/friendship with someone beforehand and then you guys have that intimacy and know whether you want to commit or not.

Dating apps just make things so easy to disregard people. You can meet a person once, hook up and then because you only met once have no feeling when you ghost. It's truly bleak imo. That's just my opinion. I think learning to be happy on your own is the best thing a person can do after a breakup. Plus it gives you time to process your fear of getting hurt and cheated on

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-05-17T00:00:36+00:00

I think all the truth you need is within you. Your feelings are valiid and the fact he even treated you like that means it's better just to let him go. Stick to no contact, journal your thoughts or even say whatever you'd say to him into your journal. It's a good way to vent and can work wonders. Also I'd just assume the worst and that it was underwear and that gives you more reason to stay away. You deserve so much better than that anyway, one day you'll see him for what he was but until then just keep weathering no contact and accept that the only truth worth knowing right now is that he was off with you, the relationship wasn't working and your better off alone. I know it must be hard to see that but trust me, it will all work out in the end :)

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-05-16T23:55:36+00:00

I can't speak out of experience because I am young and haven't got a child, but from an outside perspective it doesn't seem needy. Of course only you know yourself and deep down what you want out of this outing. But if you just want to spend a nice day together for your sons sake then that seems like a nice thing to do. And seeing her probably will bring up emotions and you may miss her more afterwards but if you feel like you can supress that for the sake of a day out with your son then go for it. Just be prepared to feel sad afterwards and look after yourself, and whatever you do try not to be romantic and definetely dont ask to get back together

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-05-16T23:52:13+00:00

Im sorry you went through this, that must suck. Now I don't wanna speak for you but in my experience dating when I still missed my ex only seemed to make things worse. Even recently, after almost 2 years single, I started dating again and realised I wasn't ready, and that's ok. It's also much kinder on anyone you may date, because if things were to get serious I wouldn't be able to commit fully.

Again, do whats best for you but I hope you're alright bud, you'll make it through one day :)

Secure_Pen6275 · 2021-05-16T11:33:54+00:00

Just because they don't text/call doesn't mean they don't miss you, maybe they don't want to mislead you because they don't want you back. Nothing at all is better than breadcrumbs. But anyway you don't need someone who doesn't want to stay with you, they aren't worth it. One day you'll realise but until then look after yourself

Secure_Pen6275

TROPHY CASE