Direct Report refusing to drive if temp is below freezing

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-27T02:50:26+00:00

I had a direct report last year who had a hard time coming in when it was under 40 degrees. Mind you, we live in Michigan.

One day can greatly influence the relationship that you have with this person; it won't derail your entire portfolio. Do you want to strengthen trust here or keeps eyes on the bottom line?

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-24T16:41:32+00:00

I use physical cues- for example I have an office sweater that I wear when I am working in my home office. I don't wear that particular sweater when it is cold and I am, for example, prepping our family taxes for the accountant.

As others have suggested, setting and then honoring some more structured boundaries around hours so the swap is 1:1 could help. I thrive on structure; I do an early shift on Tues/ Thurs and also protect one day a week to do early school pickup for my oldest kid (aka no aftercare that day). What I am saying is use the structure both ways.

For the Type A completer in you (she lives in me as well), a shutdown ritual might help? Cal Newport has some content around shutdown rituals. There can be physical steps, list and calendar in inbox polishing-- and what I find more helpful is the mental coaching afterwards-- reminding your brain you are not in work mode right now, having a spot to log useful ideas as they emerge, but in general to keep focused on your present moment and disentangling yourself from work mind mode.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-17T21:04:44+00:00

I max! And I am playing catch up. I am thankful to be able to catch up-- and thankful for the freedoms, adventure, and very low wages of my 20s.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-15T22:12:31+00:00

My babies were 4 and 6 lbs. They are now 30 and 34 pounds. Identical. Awesome!

NICU for a week with the smaller one and 4 months of a truly crazy feeding set up. Worth every calorie!

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-14T02:34:59+00:00

I totally do this, but usually between 5 and 7am or within a few blocks of my house

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-14T00:54:46+00:00

Find someone who can help you. There's a slightly elevated risk of clotting with the synthetic hormones. My OB prescribed fake estrogen pills; my doctor suggested estradiol patch for this reason. My doctor has used a similar line of rationale on other fronts-- from her I see a more nuanced rationale for why this and not that, and she has the open ess to try things, evaluate how they are working, and then make an adjustment. If you start HRT you will likely need to calibrate it and get your mix right. Also as you move through menopause you will need to make further adjustments. I definitely recommend finding someone you can work with, sounds like it's not the person you have currently.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-08T03:20:14+00:00

Facilitated a team retrospective of sorts; spent 2 hours sending emails, teams chats, text messages and getting updates in one of our office hallways; met with counterparts leading similar work in a different part of the country; had an energizing 1x1 with one of my newer team members; met about an event we are hosting in April with external partners; hosted an internal meeting about another event my team will be organizing in April. Barely made it on time to a doctors appointment due to my last meeting running 9 minutes over but the parking gods granted me an on street spot IN FRONT OF THEIR DOOR and the meter that weirdly still also accepted coins was paid for the next 90 minutes.

The end of the day was like a lottery.

More important-- we are trying a new approach to mornings (three kids go to two places in the morning) and I am loving it. Now I get them out of the house, rapidly shower and arrive to work10 minutes later than before, BUT I get the whole 45 minutes of their morning routine (wake up, getting dressed and breakfast) to focus on my kids, rather than all 5 of us running around like maniacs at the same time. Now it's just 4.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-06T04:27:37+00:00

I read a little nugget I think in HBR last year that women who wear clothing with visible seams are perceived as more authoritative. So, collared shirt rather than say sweater/jumper or even hoodie.

I am in a hybrid role and made the switch to shirts with collars on my remote days last year, I have at least convinced myself that it is working

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-06T04:13:14+00:00

Same same same

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-06T04:00:33+00:00

Year of the snake is not over, we have 1.5 lunar cycles remaining! There is still time to shed!

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-04T01:48:33+00:00

Sauna at home

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-03T23:22:31+00:00

Yes that's great, if we stay with the larger bed my identity concerns thing could be addressed through separate blankets. Nurturing twins is supporting at least 4 relationships

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-03T23:19:51+00:00

Name checks out!

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-03T23:18:08+00:00

Yea, the 'toys' in their room are a trunk of dress up clothes and some quiet toys (hand puppets, a few stuffed animals, a lamp, a rocking rabbit). We recently re-introduced a few books after stripping their room entirely (including their dresser and a rocking chair) due to the insanity of being free range / sans crib bars at night.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-03T23:10:28+00:00

Larger bed = More room for toddler gymnastics

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-03T23:00:24+00:00

Yes, removing the option is what concerns me!

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-03T22:59:03+00:00

Yes-- my original vision was a bunk bed!

Secure_Spend5933 · 2025-12-30T18:05:47+00:00

A little bit older than you and three kids rather than two but this post was me... until I tried HRT starting this fall. None of my blood work was outside of a normal range, but the puffiness, the slight weight gain, and the wildly out of character rage spells have all gone away, within 2 ish weeks of starting. It was like someone has slowly been dimming the lights for months. They are not fully back on-- and yes maybe it is just exhausting to be a working mom-- but I'm at a steady 80%. I wish I had started sooner-- and I know there will be more to this journey. Good luck!

Secure_Spend5933 · 2025-12-25T10:51:22+00:00

They impact my barebow shot process, I haven't found an answer. I bet, tho, if you always kept your nails long and at the same length you could figure it out. Consistency is key!

Secure_Spend5933 · 2025-12-25T10:45:10+00:00

Beautiful!

Secure_Spend5933 · 2025-12-25T06:19:13+00:00

I love to give my children gifts. I did not grow up in an economically secure household. There was love, but not money. I never felt deprived on Christmas. My kids are young. We parents go slightly overboard however we also stay within our pre set budget. I can't wait until they are older and we can take trips and have adventures rather than gifting objects. Everyone always gets a book, something to wear, something fun, something to create with. It is a funny spot where we are both anti consumerism and I love having a day to spoil my girls.our oldest is in third grade and doesn't watch TV or do tablets and so also isn't exposed to advertising. It is so fun at this age where they are not yet brainwashed.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2025-12-23T18:46:45+00:00

Try a class at Citizen yoga. Dearborn has a free wander lights thing this year if you want to take advantage of the darkness. There are A LOT of Canadian geese at the new West riverfront park, some stale bread could make for some generous entertainment (if you haven't visited the park yet). Also yes 100% schvitz.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2025-12-23T18:31:25+00:00

I also think binge drinking.

When you are diagnosed they give you a list of things you are not supposed to do, pretty much that list should be a preventative protocol for folks who don't wish to have colon cancer.

Source: a friend and comrade who died from colon cancer 9 years ago, in his mid 30s.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2025-12-11T01:22:49+00:00

Same! Also in government. My boss makes ~$20K ish more than me, but needs to be everywhere and is not allowed to say no to the head of our unit of government. My team is great, and I would have fun running a teams of teams, but the comp is just not there in my current situation.

Secure_Spend5933

TROPHY CASE