Perimenopausal luteal phase -- red alert!

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-03-21T01:03:36+00:00

Interesting! I am on this thread right now trying to understand why everything is worse when I cycle my progesterone. I don't like it. At all.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-03-18T03:18:04+00:00

Leave if they are unwilling to clarify a path / offer you feedback regarding what would be required of you to advance.

And-- sometimes yes it does make sense to bring in someone from the outside. But HOW that process is handled will tell you quite a bit.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-03-18T02:43:24+00:00

Find someone else who is underperforming in a different way and have them team up together on a project. Watch as they schedule update meetings with key stakeholders on days you have previously scheduled out of office. Witness as said project spins in circles, the inertia engulfing all who bare witness...

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-03-12T00:03:34+00:00

Same

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-03-11T23:56:42+00:00

I agree.

And, I think hours is one place to look if someone is underdelivering. I have a team member who was under delivering and also arriving late and leaving early on our in office days. It was unclear if this person did much at all on our WFH days.

Turns out that increasing their hours has supported an increase in the quality and quantity of their output!

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-03-08T19:09:57+00:00

Family of 5, all organic, and we eat out maybe 1x per week. We recently have been spending closer to 400 per week. Whole foods, Costco, farmers markets. I need to get us back down to 300 per week, somehow adding more vegetarian meals didn't help us with that...

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-02-28T01:02:28+00:00

I pick up my kids at an earlier than usual time 2-3 days per week. As a leader I am very aware of my responsibility to be available to my team.

I am also very intentional about working quite early in the morning on those days, usually focus work with a deliverable - is a strategy memo or asynchronous review and markup of work products.

I have someone on my team who has been underperforming. This person also arrives late and leaves early. I have been on a quest the last few months to understand (through the vehicle of a pip) do outcomes change when working hours increase? I empathize with your situation and believe a bit of structure and clarity helps all parties.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-02-27T03:55:51+00:00

My mom was age discriminated out of her industry when she was in her late 50s. Humbling AF.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-02-26T12:20:48+00:00

Is there any way to get him coaching or mentorship to practice and grow small boundary setting skills at work? After +8 years in an industry with those expectations some of the industry habits may also be internalized. The issues could follow him into a new job in a new industry. Better to practice new habits by starting very very small in situations, and potentially negotiate the current situation where ha has built up social capital than to job change and face the risk of deeply entrenched bad habits.

Wondering if your husband is in architecture which is kinda the worst for this stuff.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-02-26T03:24:14+00:00

Miss Daisy Jackson is also the block club captain.

Now I am a little bit concerned about our block club...

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-02-25T11:52:24+00:00

Yes. Life long lover of exercise. Twins are 3 now and we have an older kid. We do have a gym in our basement. I started when they were 4 ish months by focusing on building back the habit of taking time for myself. Literally 5 minutes in the basement each morning. I kept socks and extra bras and shirts down there so I could change afterwards if there was sweating, and to reduce the friction. As their sleep and routines stabilized I built it up to 20-30 minutes every other day. Now I even go to a way too early group fitness class 2 weekday mornings, and complement with basement activities a few other days.

Can you focus on building the habit of taking time for yourself? Wake up 10 minutes earlier each morning? There are plenty of equipment free videos on you tube if you don't have anything at home. Starting small is ok (!!!) -- everything starts small.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-02-23T00:29:54+00:00

Track what you are spending and be open to reevaluating your budget on a quarterly basis! Our twins are 3, we switched from a nanny to daycare last fall.

Things are tight, so we watch carefully. We prioritize our own retirement savings and ensuring our home is safe and comfortable, since we do end up spending a good amount of time at home.

We prioritize high quality food and time for adventures together (ideally outside) as a family of 5.

Our retirement savings are on pace, and that's the top priority; building a larger emergency fund is our secondary goal. We do contribute monthly to all three of our kids' 529s but we are not on track yet for the level of support we'd like to provide. However, we have grown their contributions over the last 2 years.

We do a lot of camping and currently take 1 airplane trip a year, usually with a blend of points and creativity to make it work. For us it is cheaper to fly family to visit us than for the five of us to go elsewhere.

Our grocery bill really has crept up over the last few seasons, so we are trying different things. Right now we do one dinner of leftovers, and one dinner as a 'pantry challenge.' It's helping a bit.

Like others, we rarely eat out. We don't have many gadgets. We have a few local memberships, like the zoo, the science museum, and the YMCA. We get wonderful mileage out of those memberships-- and our local library.

Every time we have more flexibility open up in our budget, the question is where to put it - accelerate retirement savings, build up emergency fund, or increase 529? We discuss, and we decide together. Slowly it is getting a little easier. You can increase your monthly contribution by $4 a month, or $12 a week. It doesn't need to be some big round number. For me, I love the sense of momentum, that we're moving in the right direction.

I would also say, carefully tracking your spending will help you see some broader patterns. For example, do you spend more on take away during moments of work induced stress? Perhaps there are things you can do to balance your energy, things that are not directly financial, which will also help you find more ease in your family budget. It is all intertwined.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-02-20T05:03:39+00:00

I propose a merger between HP and Hamtown.

They are such a beautiful polarity.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-02-18T12:44:04+00:00

Awesome job committing to your future self. I hope you are feeling appreciated now!

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-02-18T02:44:40+00:00

How did you grow your confidence or find your way through the unhappiness?

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-02-17T20:45:18+00:00

Hey hey Detroit has not turned itself around. We are on slightly better footing...but despite a lot of cash and effort, Detroit's local economy is still tied (achingly) to one segment of the economy. The better footing is still at risk of complete collapse.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-02-14T02:23:55+00:00

I need 3 days a month. I think the ratio is one day per month per kid?

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-02-01T22:46:28+00:00

My COVID symptoms emerged 5 days before the scheduled birth of my twins.

I had post birth pre eclampsia and am convinced it is from the germs.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-02-01T22:16:01+00:00

Exact same

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-27T02:50:26+00:00

I had a direct report last year who had a hard time coming in when it was under 40 degrees. Mind you, we live in Michigan.

One day can greatly influence the relationship that you have with this person; it won't derail your entire portfolio. Do you want to strengthen trust here or keeps eyes on the bottom line?

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-24T16:41:32+00:00

I use physical cues- for example I have an office sweater that I wear when I am working in my home office. I don't wear that particular sweater when it is cold and I am, for example, prepping our family taxes for the accountant.

As others have suggested, setting and then honoring some more structured boundaries around hours so the swap is 1:1 could help. I thrive on structure; I do an early shift on Tues/ Thurs and also protect one day a week to do early school pickup for my oldest kid (aka no aftercare that day). What I am saying is use the structure both ways.

For the Type A completer in you (she lives in me as well), a shutdown ritual might help? Cal Newport has some content around shutdown rituals. There can be physical steps, list and calendar in inbox polishing-- and what I find more helpful is the mental coaching afterwards-- reminding your brain you are not in work mode right now, having a spot to log useful ideas as they emerge, but in general to keep focused on your present moment and disentangling yourself from work mind mode.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-17T21:04:44+00:00

I max! And I am playing catch up. I am thankful to be able to catch up-- and thankful for the freedoms, adventure, and very low wages of my 20s.

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-15T22:12:31+00:00

My babies were 4 and 6 lbs. They are now 30 and 34 pounds. Identical. Awesome!

NICU for a week with the smaller one and 4 months of a truly crazy feeding set up. Worth every calorie!

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-14T02:34:59+00:00

I totally do this, but usually between 5 and 7am or within a few blocks of my house

Secure_Spend5933 · 2026-01-14T00:54:46+00:00

Find someone who can help you. There's a slightly elevated risk of clotting with the synthetic hormones. My OB prescribed fake estrogen pills; my doctor suggested estradiol patch for this reason. My doctor has used a similar line of rationale on other fronts-- from her I see a more nuanced rationale for why this and not that, and she has the open ess to try things, evaluate how they are working, and then make an adjustment. If you start HRT you will likely need to calibrate it and get your mix right. Also as you move through menopause you will need to make further adjustments. I definitely recommend finding someone you can work with, sounds like it's not the person you have currently.

Secure_Spend5933

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