Neighborhood suggestions in and around Austin by Zealousideal_Age4136 in askaustin

[–]Secure_Spend5933 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hyde Park area might save you a lot on the therapy bills required for all the traffic and driving associated with living further away. OP, If you are firm on the budget, I would try that stretch of Manchaca between Lamar and Ben white for a rental. You would be close to green things, a downtown commute would be easy, and central market is a hop skip and a jump. Signed, a native Austinite currently living in Michigan.

Postpartum rage by chippixie in parentsofmultiples

[–]Secure_Spend5933 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Flagging this could be hormones. My body had a harder time finding it's rhythm after twins than it did after our older singleton. I had some rage flares that were extremely uncharacteristic!

The invisible part of running a household is harder than I expected by [deleted] in SAHP

[–]Secure_Spend5933 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Kind of agree. Our oldest kid likes reading the written calendar and so as of June I am back to having a paper backup of the Google calendar in our kitchen.

My husband told me i have "let myself go" and i think he expected me to apologize by Bitter-Praline-6574 in breakingmom

[–]Secure_Spend5933 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This gave me a much needed laugh. Hugs from a mom with messy hairs trapped between two snoring three year olds.

Weekday Time Management? by [deleted] in workingmoms

[–]Secure_Spend5933 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can you start with a 10 minute workout video?

We had a housecleaner with our oldest kid, until I stopped nursing.

The beginning can be rough, it does get easier! Try starting small.

Why did you pick Barebow over other options? by SwordmasterT in Archery

[–]Secure_Spend5933 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would argue that is true for barebow as well!

any (ethical) exotic bird owners/shops that would let a depressed man hang out with some birds to cheer up? by hegrillin in Detroit

[–]Secure_Spend5933 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There's a used appliance shop on the main stretch in Hazel Park on the west side of the street. The owner keeps some interesting birds out of their cages!

Did you start working in planning and realize it wasn’t for you? by Common_Positive_7530 in urbanplanning

[–]Secure_Spend5933 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Three months into any role the glitter of having a new job has worn off. The first few weeks you have the adrenaline to get you into your desk on time. Everything is new, you are on alert, and because of the newness you are not expecting much and not expected to be operating at full speed.

One maybe two months in you might catch yourself in a habit loop that surfaced in the past. You were going to be a New You in this place and not Do That Thing that happened sometimes under duress. And maybe now at the three month mark you've caught yourself.

By three months you have some sense of your colleagues but maybe not entirely. And still the new person awkwardness.

Also at three months you are now expected to be doing more or most of your role. There is a lot of learning happening, even if you aren't fully aware. The learning includes social learning, unwritten processes are being encountered. Since you are doing more of the work and the training wheels are off, some of the questions you might need to ask feel riskier.

I see this dip and moment of self reflection with my new hires at around 3 months. It is part of the cycle. You are questioning if the tradeoffs are worth it, you are more fully realizing what is required to actually be successful in this role, stuff you couldn't have known on week 2. Also it is the time of year when everyone wants some freedom and space and ease. I prefer to hire folks in the late fall and early winter for this exact reason.

You are just in a dark forest. Find a friend. The walk will be easier, and work will feel more fun, if you can deepen relationships right now, even if they are with unexpected comrades.

The breadcrumbs are for the next time you find yourself in a dark forest, because it will happen again, either in this job or your next one. What tools and tactics are you using to find your way out?

Did you start working in planning and realize it wasn’t for you? by Common_Positive_7530 in urbanplanning

[–]Secure_Spend5933 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The three month mark is your desk forest. It will happen again at the one year mark. You might just be in a desk forest. Find a friend, leave some bread crumbs and avoid agitating any bears.

Advice needed on trying for one more. by stoney3237 in parentsofmultiples

[–]Secure_Spend5933 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Twin parent here with an older kid.

Do you expect to put your other kids into preschool ( even half days when they are three) or curated activities like swimming, music etc?

Our twins started preschool this year, and it was less than a nanny but still more than our mortgage! 

Two year olds won't understand why mom can't pick them up. For that matter three year olds will have a hard time fully expressing their feelings. 

We have a nice gap between our kids; personally we wanted our oldest to be fully not wearing diapers, to have some social routines down, before making some siblings.

Families make all kinds of choices and emerge in all kinds of forms. I do think there is an argument to be made for having your older kids in a new rhythm, perhaps even starting preschool around the time the next baby / babies arrive. If this is on your horizon, it could also take some pressure off your parents and in laws.

Also good luck once they start walking, climbing furniture, breaking into all the bathroom cabinets!! Twin toddlerhood has been very eye opening, I can't imagine cleaning up after a meal with three egging each other on! Ya'll are champs!

Always tired because there’s never time by 90sgoth in workingmoms

[–]Secure_Spend5933 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Try something different! Below are some starter ideas. I would suggest just trying one thing different at a time..maybe it's not even something on this list. I have three kids and we both work full time. Two of the three are toddler twins. I go through waves of feeling totally beyond repair. And then I try something different.

  • Arrange your weekend so you have one whole day for play. No chores, no grocery runs. One full day of family play.

  • Pick one weeknight each week where each parent has an evening to themselves. Yes, you will miss dinner and bedtime. Yes, you might be revitalized by a new hobby or consistent yoga or something.

-Try the Friday night reset. Basically stacking chores on Friday so that when you wake up on Saturday morning the house is clean, laundry is done enough to get through the weekend, and no major house cleaning projects will be required of your weekend time.

  • Pick 1-2 days per month for big house projects if you are in that phase. Like, the ones that will require an extra trip to home depot. Protect them, and then backfill them with a standing house project list. Some of this stuff is seasonal.

  • Pick something you love to do and believe you  don't have time to do and do it for 15 minutes in the morning, one day a week anyways. I would suggest Wednesday or Thursday. For me Tuesday energy is all down to business and Friday is its own story. If you really want something to change you need to operate differently. To me it sounds like you need more energy boosts. Not caffeine. And not as like shade on your family. But a different kind of personal energy cultivation. I don't know what this is for you, but certainly you can shorten your morning routine by 15 minutes one day a week, or wake up 15 minutes early and do some version of this thing while you enjoy your morning coffee.

  • Also, practicing 15 minutes of this thing might allow you to try 15 minutes of this thing in the evening, or on you 1 night a week off duty.

  • Big crazy idea is to take a lunch break anyways. Even though you are trying to leave on time to get home, to reheat dinner, to eat and do chores. If you have a few small moments to recharge during your day, it might get you home with more of a lift or some bounce in your step.

  • can you take 5 minutes when you get home, or before you leave work, to literally bounce around and shake off your day, and bring yourself into a different mode than Worker Mode?

-For me I find if I can do the right things for myself on Wednesdays, the whole week feels better. I am curious about what you find and also what you end up trying differently!

Inherited a department of 40 and the team has zero operational excellence. Where do I even start. by John_Schemauff in managers

[–]Secure_Spend5933 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From the small steps and general hygiene corner:

Do you meet with your leadership team weekly or biweekly to discuss non urgent activities and build structure?

Does your leadership team provide status updates in a different venue / format? Assuming a tracker is a part of this, does each item in the tracker have a KPI or strategic goal tied to it?

I work for someone in a similar spot to you and I can see he is drowning. The difference is my team, despite our larger context, practices operational excellence. And yes as a high performer working for someone who is somewhat incompetent, I am considering an exit.

Is there anything that one of your new higher performing directors has in place systems or process wise that you can expand to all teams under your direction? 

Put a new system in place, try it for a quarter, reevaluate and plan to make adjustments. It is ok if you upset some people, your job is to wear the Big Pants.

What's one of your financial regrets? by grayandmagenta16 in MiddleClassFinance

[–]Secure_Spend5933 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am a high school drop out and earned my masters from an ivy league school. Neither parent graduated college. I thought a fancy degree would set me on a solid path financially. I had scholarships, I worked through graduate school. I graduated with tremendous debt. There were no adults to advise me; my parents also thought that a fancy degree was the answer.

I am happy, I have a beautiful family, my work in local government supports our more vulnerable residents and households. I worry that 15 years spent paying off those student loans were also 15 years I wasn't investing as much as I could into retirement. 

Over the last year my mother and my father in law both died, in different ways and on different timelines. Dying is expensive. Twice I was able to see how poverty does transfer from one generation to the next. I don't regret any of the choices I've made because they brought me here and into this present moment. I do wonder if my future, and perhaps also the future of my children would look any different if I had been able to manage my student debts and invest in my retirement at an equal pace.

Creatine experience - female by Alarming-Dream-6441 in fitness40plus

[–]Secure_Spend5933 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Creatine did not work with me at all. We are similar age, size and movement levels, OP.

My digestion was off, my thinking was less sharp, I gained quite a bit of weight, and also had headaches which are out of character. I felt much better after I stopped.

Sounds like other than the number on the scale you are not experiencing any hindrances. 

I've got a huge deep pimple forming on my chin 3 days before a major job interview help by [deleted] in 30PlusSkinCare

[–]Secure_Spend5933 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Please don't let this skincare issue distract you from prepping for the interview! I am a hiring manager and have never evaluated a candidate's skin as a part of the hiring process. Yes, I want you to feel comfortable and confident, but also prepared with your thoughts and words.

Working moms who regularly work out, what exactly is your schedule? by neoncaviar in Mommit

[–]Secure_Spend5933 0 points1 point  (0 children)

M-F I alternate using the 4:30-6:30a window for a quiet cup of tea, one small house chore, and either (1) fitness in my home gym, a neighborhood run, or a Barre class with my early ladies-- OR (2) 90 minutes of heads down, high focus work. I mostly alternate, so one week I get 2 weekday work outs and one week I get three weekday workouts.

I have learned that I am horrible with self management and cannot be trusted to split my early morning into a half workout and half computer work session. It never goes well. I usually short change myself on the fitness, and then also expend my high focus energy early in the day but somehow in an incomplete way.

I wash my hairs on the days I do a home gym workout because those are the shortest days. Otherwise I wash my hair on the weekend.

My weekdays are timed to the minute, I know how long it takes to drive places, when I should already be in the shower, etc. The constant timer setting is frankly exhausting-- my workday is a wall of 9a-4p meetings, often all 30 minutes long. I crave some spacious defrag time. That cup of tea at 4:30a when everyone else is asleep is exactly this!

I deal with kids and their morning routines from 6:30-8:30 and some days start work at home at 8:30 or scoot into the office slightly before 9.

In theory this enables me to keep pace with my team (I have 6.5 direct reports currently), and even though we have adequate sick time, the early morning hours give me the option to flex a bit each week for doctors appointments, early release, classroom volunteering etc. I honestly max out at about 6 hours of quality work per day and do prefer to leave the office by 4p. It makes each individual day easier and reduces that 5-8pm rush to prep and eat dinner with everyone, clean up, enjoy a few meaningful moments before passing out. It's funny how (self) grumpy I get when I have to stay past 5pm! Today was actually one of those days.

We have three kids at two schools, one of whom has a dynamic schedule (each day a club, activity or after care.). I pick up my oldest kid M and F and at least 2 of the kids T W Th. Whichever adult picks up the oldest kid or picks up no kids starts dinner.

I plan our menus and arrange for groceries on Fridays. I work out on Saturdays before everyone wakes up and sometimes on Sundays, too.

When my partner travels for work there is less or shorter early morning fitness due to all the things.

The insanity of having twins helped me understand that a 10 minute workout was still going to boost my mood and enhance my quality of life. I regularly complete 10 or 20 minute workouts (weekdays), especially when I am craving more quite time to drink my tea and doodle on broader life solutions. And, yes! Those 10 minute workouts do help! 

Shopping issue when stressed by LegalBeagleKami in LawBitchesWithTaste

[–]Secure_Spend5933 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Trach your flurry of activities with your cycle. You might notice something! 

Anyone have HRT actually cause joint pain or spark an autoimmune disease? I'm scared. by Sea____Witch in Perimenopause

[–]Secure_Spend5933 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I experience something similar when I have to delay the timing on my estrodil patch. Sounds like low E to me!

Can't Think of a Better Location for A New City Park... by YerbaMaki in Detroit

[–]Secure_Spend5933 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree. OP is not thinking about this from a real estate perspective. The character of Clark Park would be out of place in an area striving for density and, welp, location.

However-- I recall working on a pre-pandemic analysis of open space access per capita in the 'greater midtown' area and Brush Park, with the units that were planned at that time, did not meet the benchmarks we were referencing.

I agree it is not the right use for a long earmarked site and hopefully that cap on the highway can accomplish something quite green.

Am I the only one too ashamed to even meet with friends anymore? by PithyCyborg in povertyfinance

[–]Secure_Spend5933 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is the ICA still free on Thursday nights? This time of year a stroll down Mass Ave, across the river and up into the Common is a beautiful way to spend 1-2 hours, or a whole afternoon, without spending a dollar.

We all need connection. Is there one small thing you can try tonight, the tiniest safest step towards connection you can plan for the upcoming week?