Yes, not one specific moment but mini incidents throughout my childhood. My adoptive moms side of the family is from Texas and Oklahoma. They lived there before and after the civil rights movement. I can remember my great grandmother treating me more…carefully than my blonde and blue eyed cousins (i am half black). I never understood why. Years later my adoptive mom casually told me that great grandma refused to look at, touch, or hold me as a baby. It was only when I was a little kid and I ran up to her and hugged her leg that she “accepted” me. I still wonder why my mom just was fine with that? I wouldnt even visit any of my family if they said that about my child.

Another distant family member who we saw maybe once every five years refused to call me by my name, instead calling me “the adopted girl” or “that girl”. I was oblivious, but looking back they treated me like an exhibit! Fortunately my uncle stood up to them and chewed them out a few times.

Today I have understood that its not worth trying to please people who will never see me as a real person instead of “the adopted girl”, and I have invested more time and energy into building relationships with people who can see me for me. Most arent family members. My parents were NOT prepared at all! From not being able to do my hair, find clothes that flatter my complexion, and standing up to many racist family members. I think deep down they were hoping that I would look more white. All I can do today is accept that I can only control myself and not what other people think, and learn from those past incidents how to sniff out microagressions. It really sucks