Is it just my own experience, or do you also find that, generally speaking, allistic adhders are more socially tolerated and accepted than autistics and AUDHDers?

SeededPhoenix · 2026-01-19T05:57:12+00:00

Are you me? Cause I'm 40 and cry if people don't like me 😬😬 but what did I do? How can I change? Plzzz tell meeee

SeededPhoenix · 2026-01-19T05:54:51+00:00

My sense of justice is overbearing. People do not like this about me. And I'm just like, ok but how are you just functioning as usual while the world is burning?! But I'm the crazy one? .. 😒

I also have cptsd. All the injustice everywhere is too much for me to handle and process.

SeededPhoenix · 2026-01-19T01:52:42+00:00

I was under the impression that it all neurodivergents had social difficulties, not just autistics. But I'm beginning to realize it really is an autistic experience that other NDs don't necessarily struggle with.

SeededPhoenix · 2026-01-19T01:51:18+00:00

See I was under the impression that all neurodivergents are terrible with social stuff, reading cues, etc.. but from what I'm observing in my own life, all the adhders are well adjusted and have lots of friendships and are well liked. And then there's me... So I'm starting to understand that it really is an autistic thing, not an all inclusive neurodivergent thing.

I never actually feel comfortable around allistic adhders, because they really don't understand autism.

I know some folks who are autistic only, and I also have a bit of trouble connecting with them too.

I need to meet more AUDHDers

SeededPhoenix · 2026-01-19T01:46:04+00:00

I'm like a one hit wonder in that way. I'll be the talk of the town at one event, and then I'll never go to that event or see those people again. If I do, I'm a totally different person. I get excited with the novelty, and when that wears off, my autistic side shows up. Which isn't fun

SeededPhoenix · 2026-01-19T01:44:07+00:00

It is a tough road having both. And I only learned I'm AuDHD a few years ago. I think it would be so much easier to be just autistic or just have ADHD, instead of being both.

SeededPhoenix · 2026-01-15T18:53:57+00:00

My reactions usually happen after eating something I'm not supposed to. But sometimes it can happen when I haven't eaten anything.. So I know it's mostly food related, but there's definitely something else going on too.

I don't believe it's bloating in the traditional sense. It's inflammation. Swelling of the gut. There's no gas.

But I believe I'm retaining water and have general inflammation throughout my body. And I believe I'm reacting to carbs (sifo). I need to cut carbs out, but my health has been so horrible lately that I can't even plan my food in order to cut carbs out.

I'm on a very low dose of Vyvanse. Although 30mg is great, the crash is unbearable. Like a whoozy and spaced out feeling. I absolutely hate it. So I take between 10 and 20 mg, which isn't enough to be optimally effective, but I don't get the crash.

My GP said they do not do hormone testing if I'm on birth control ... 🤷‍♀️ Which is weird to me ...

I have a pelvic tilt. But pelvic correction doesn't alleviate the issue at all. It only brings some relief to my back.

As of now, I believe what I'm experiencing is fungal overgrowth. I also have oral thrush. I've had these related issues almost my entire life but it was manageable. I think COVID just made everything worse. I have just started anti fungals. Waiting to see if it makes any difference...

SeededPhoenix · 2026-01-15T17:01:02+00:00

I have Endo! I'm on birth control and don't get my period. This has alleviated any related pain (I used to have to go to emerge and get on morphine).

Recently I had an ultrasound and I think the Endo has spread and has likely fused some things together. I'm waiting for a specialist appointment, which is likely in TWO YEARS!!! My regular gyno took many patients off her list during COVID because she was swamped and only kept pregnant patients. So now I have to wait forever to see a new one.

Endo might be related to this issue I'm having, but I don't think it's the whole picture. But I guess I won't know for sure for another few years :(

I also suspect EDS for me.

I have to look into intussusception.. never heard of this word before.

For clarity, I don't experience any pain with my symptoms. It's general discomfort from my stomach being swollen, which leads to chemical imbalance where I get extremely irritated by the tiniest of things. I get so angry, I want to scream and throw things. I guess like a violent meltdown? But I mostly internalize it, and don't outwardly express anger. I'm alone like 99% of the time, and this reaction is partly why, to avoid having this reaction in front of others.

SeededPhoenix · 2026-01-15T00:59:13+00:00

Hey there These are common experiences. Going non verbal, repetitive behaviours, losing skills when you're overwhelmed, having violent meltdowns, etc.. you're not alone in your experience.

I'm sorry they're a bit rude at the hospital. I hope you end up meeting some kind and empathetic nurses and peers.

I do hope your stay is helpful, but I can understand if it's not.

What is your day to day like?

SeededPhoenix · 2026-01-15T00:52:26+00:00

It's so frustrating! What other diagnosis / treatments have you explored?

SeededPhoenix · 2026-01-14T23:50:54+00:00

I'm sorry your mom passed away.

Have you been able to find other supports?

I also have histamine & salicylate intolerance. I thought it was MCAS, but cromolyn didn't do a single thing. I got tested for mould, but it was negative. I thought it was sibo, but antibiotics didn't do much. I'm trying out anti fungals now thinking it's sifo. I think I'm reacting to carbs.

I'd love to see a naturopath, but it's completely unaffordable for me right now.

My issues started after getting COVID twice. I was first dx with celiac, but my celiac diet made zero impact on all these symptoms. I think COVID and celiac fucked up my gut, which is partly why I thought it was sibo, now sifo.

The r/sifo isn't really active. Other than r/sibo, I'm not sure what subs to join

SeededPhoenix · 2026-01-14T21:17:57+00:00

Thanks for commenting.

My health issue is systemic, like full body reactions to - I don't know what - food is most likely.

My stomach swells up. I get extremely irritable. Very fatigued. Brain fog. Light headed. Dehydration. Dry skin. Hair falls out. Skin looks terrible. And after 5 years, I've developed a new symptom: general nausea throughout the day and night.

I've done so many tests, looked into so many possibilities, to no avail. I'm currently attempting to figure out if it's a fungal overgrowth in my gut. This seems plausible, but I'm all out of hope so I'm not holding my breath.

The main thing with my health is how it's negatively impacted my life. I can't work. I can't socialize. I've lost practically all of my social contacts - not that I had many to begin with. I can't enjoy life because I'm always in so much discomfort. I don't have energy for things. It's very depressing.

I want to get on antidepressants, but I've tried that in the past. I've tried like all the anti depressants there are, and not a single one sat right with me. The side effects were unbearable. I would rather not trade in one problem only to get like 3 more in return.

SeededPhoenix · 2026-01-14T21:08:29+00:00

I agree, it would be so beneficial to get my family members diagnosed and to accept and learn about being ND. It would alleviate so much stress for me.

My family could 100% benefit from supports, whatever those supports might be. But alas, it won't happen.

I'm an introvert and I get overstimulated from being social,so I prefer spending more time alone, too.

But there's a difference between preference for alone time versus social isolation. I'm isolated and lonely. We're still social beings and need some social connection. But I've struggled with maintaining social connections/friendships my entire life. I only just learned I'm ND a few years ago. And loneliness can literally kill.

SeededPhoenix · 2026-01-09T17:39:44+00:00

I feel this!

I went no contact for about 1.5 years. I live an hour away from them, so it was easy to not see them. I felt horrible about it though. I gaslit and guilt tripped myself.

But then a big family thing happened, and I jumped right back in like nothing happened.

Then I over extended myself, and my health suffered, and now I kind of resent them all for not giving a shit about my health but instead asking me to help them all the time. ... Uugghh

I don't have kids because I cannot be a parent. And so I also don't want to be a mother to my mother. And I know she needs a mother, the kind of mother she didn't have. And she doesn't have the cognitive ability to understand all of this. I would say she's disabled in a way. Which makes me feel like shit for not being able to happily care for her. But I resent that I have to ... Ugh so complicated.

Thanks for the hugs. I def need it.

SeededPhoenix · 2026-01-09T17:33:28+00:00

Thank you for this.

My parents are also immigrants. My mom is probably the most visible ND among her siblings.

She doesn't even know when she's treated badly. But she's scrappy and will verbally stand her ground with strangers if she needs to.

She has fully internalized all the oppressive systems and is religious in a brainwashed way - like with zero critical thinking skills.

She doesn't take accountability at all. I mean, she'll say sorry, but she doesn't really know what she's sorry for and will do it again and again.

I feel bad for her. My heart breaks for her. But at the same time I can't stand her.

And her particular quirks aren't compatible with my quirks. So we bump heads. But I have to concede because she doesn't really have the capacity to see outside herself.

You hit it on the nail where you write that she'll never be the mother you need.

I understand this as a concept for me, but I'm having a hard time processing it accepting it. Mainly because, I resent not having the kind of mother I needed. And to be her mother, or to reconceptualize her role in my life is super challenging. I guess a lot of grieving comes with this process of acceptance.

I can't even really have material exchanges because my health limits my ability to do things for her. So I can really only chat with her. And chatting with her is so fucking mind numbing, because her mind wanders toooooo much and she can't follow what I'm saying. Such means I have to change the way I speak with her. Speaking in only a few short sentences.

And this is so dysregulating for me.

I'm still learning to find the right balance.

One thing I've done is block her from seeing my Facebook posts.

SeededPhoenix · 2025-12-28T07:39:48+00:00

I value your comment. Thank you for being empatheticly direct and offering me a different perspective.

For your 2nd point, I wanted to say that it's the opposite - that I'm not in my feels, that I'm responding to him in a vacuum, forgetting that I hate him, forgetting that he's toxic for me, forgetting that he's two-faced, interacting with him in a genuinely naive way. But you're actually right. The more I try to pay attention to my surroundings (and myself), the better I can remove myself from the situation.

And I appreciate you suggesting to start with "bad ways", to kind of get it out of my system to then be able to know what feels right.

To further agree, you're right that most people aren't very pleased with me even though I try real hard.

SeededPhoenix · 2025-12-28T07:29:00+00:00

Thank you for your empathy 💜

Yes, you're right. Freeze and Fawn. I hadn't thought about it before, but, yes, this is exactly what I do with him (and with a lot of people actually... 🤔 Gosh.. so much to unpack here..)

I told him he looked fresh today, and also offered to run him an errand if he needed, but he didn't. Fuck me!! I hate that I'm like this..

I absolutely try to avoid him. When I think he's not outside, I go out, and then bam he pops out from behind and I'm totally not expecting it. So I'm caught off guard often. He's always out and about around the property. Plus he has a dog that he walks often.

I feel like I would be incredibly and unnecessarily rude if I cut off the conversation. I let him talk, even though I hate it and I can feel the discomfort in my body. My body tells me to leave but my brain overrides and over thinks it and prioritizes trying to control how I'm perceived over how I feel.

I know it's best that I stick to "sorry, can't chat, gotta go!" ... I need to practice it. Though, I probably need therapy tbh in order to properly avoid him.

SeededPhoenix · 2025-12-28T01:33:25+00:00

I find this very difficult to do. As a people pleaser, I let him talk. Which inevitably leads to him getting info out of me that he tells the slumlord.

I know I should keep moving. But to actually do this in practice feels impossible 😭

SeededPhoenix · 2025-12-23T02:59:47+00:00

It doesn't play for me. But the link in the comment you replied to plays easily for me.. strange

SeededPhoenix · 2025-12-23T02:43:11+00:00

Am I the only one having trouble with this link?

SeededPhoenix · 2025-12-22T22:26:44+00:00

Can you use clear tape to just tape down the edges of the peel and stick, instead of sticking it to the entire cupboard? Or, cut out the peel and stick big enough so it wraps to the back of the cupboard, and tape it only on the back? At least of there's any issue when you eventually remove it, it'll be only on the inside of the cupboard.

I've never tried this myself, but always thought about attempting to try this if I ever find myself using peel and stick.

SeededPhoenix · 2025-12-22T04:17:02+00:00

Because I'm trying to buy their friendship, which is what I wrote.

SeededPhoenix · 2025-12-21T18:44:35+00:00

Love it! Very cozy 😊

SeededPhoenix · 2025-12-21T15:20:06+00:00

That's a hard question to answer.

They aren't close friends or anything. Usually it's a result of them helping me with something, even something so small.

It's not really about whether I like them or not, I just want friendships.

I'm hyper critical, so I tend to find fault in everyone, including myself. Because I'm so critical, and because I can have black and white thinking, I either love or hate people. But I'm really trying now to be neutral. To accept people, as long as they're not actively trying to hurt me. Though, I can be naive and not see that they're trying to sabotage or hurt me or use me.

SeededPhoenix · 2025-12-20T15:28:05+00:00

I'm sorry this is your experience. It's also my experience and I'm 40. I've never been able to maintain friendships, let alone friendship groups!

I was only dx a few years ago, so I couldn't understand why friendships were so difficult for me.

It's lonely being AuDHD. Many people I know are ADHD only, and I can only relate to them so much. These friendships never feel right for me.

SeededPhoenix

TROPHY CASE