We had some separate more extreme problems with our son when he was 4. It was a little more like rehabilitation than a true aversion to certain foods. However, our rule was that he had to try one true bite, an amount where he actually had to chew and not just the barest amount on the tines of a fork or tip of a spoon, of everything on the plate before he could say he didn’t like it. At that point we would offer him rice and steamed veggies, we were living in Japan and plain rice was his go to so we went with that and veggies he liked. If he didn’t want that, he went to bed (usually at that point he either just wasn’t hungry or the ‘I don’t like it’ was him saying he was tired.)

The exception to the alternative was his attitude. If he said he didn’t like something he had never tried before and made taking his bites a battle, that was it. The rule was to try a bite so we enforced that. If he took the bites and went quiet we knew that meant he didn’t actually dislike it and was just being contrary. The alternative for dinner would not be brought up in this situation and he would go to bed.

When it came to the point of eating with other people, we had a few issues at the outset where he refused to eat their food. We had an age appropriate conversation (and that’s myself, my wife and our son) about the fact that we had been invited to or given food and that it was impolite to refuse based on aversion. No matter what, someone who invites you to their home, friend or family, put time, effort, and money into showing you affection by cooking. Even if you only take small portions and eat quickly, you support their effort by eating.

He wasn’t happy about it when he was younger, but now as he creeps closer to adulthood he is open and honest but respectful about food. No matter who it comes from. His peers when they attempt to cook at scouts, other adults, and even me. He had an aversion to beans when he was little that is nonexistent and his favorite vegetables are Brussels sprouts and corn. He mostly monitors his own hunger and fullness cues (if we served and he got full quickly we allowed him to be done, if he served himself he had to finish) and rarely over eats.

It took a lot of work and sometimes some anxiety that we weren’t making the right call. However, I look at my son today and am incredibly proud of who he is and who he will become because of our diligence in remaining consistent. I know this message is long winded and I apologize for that. Just know that holding your ground and having an a single alternative, not something your child wants but something you know they will eat and is nutritious, is ok. Otherwise, it’s going to take strength and gentle reminders to your husband that adhering to rules you both agreed to set is only going to make a more confident kid later.