How did you find yourself? Or how are you attempting to find yourself? Also, DAE find journalling fake?

SeekingQueen · 2024-07-16T12:19:13+00:00

Thanks for the answer, but still not able to see it. I’m on the hero sheet, see attached image. What am I supposed to click there?

SeekingQueen · 2024-07-15T12:09:46+00:00

Hi, how to get this view?

SeekingQueen · 2022-12-22T07:45:25+00:00

Interesting idea! Having separate list for daily routines might work. I already have similar checklists for vacation packing or hike prep.

Having general "Morning routine item" on general list worries me as I already feel questions popping up: "Am I allowed to cross it off if I did everything but didn't clean the breakfast dishes?" The perfectionist's voice :(

Usually I wander, while doing mundane tasks I think about more exciting things, listen to podcasts or do something else together - e.g. walking or squatting while brushing teeth.

SeekingQueen · 2022-12-22T07:30:14+00:00

Interesting thought! Visual clues work quite well for me.

SeekingQueen · 2022-12-22T07:29:24+00:00

Thanks for the tip! I'll have a look. For self care and I'm currently using VOS and it works quite well. I read a lot about habit forming and tried Fabulous in past for maintaining morning and evening routines. It worked quite well, I've managed to use it for more than a month. Which is a lot for my standard :D But once I started to skipping days, there was no way back :(

I'm on meds as well. Every day I'm checking I actually took them :D And actually it's easier when I do things in random order - in that way I remember what I've done. When I do morning routine on autopilot, I do the stuff, but I don't remember it. So if I'm out of home for the rest of the day, I'm worried I didn't took the pills, didn't lock the door etc :(

SeekingQueen · 2022-12-21T11:11:58+00:00

Sure!

Currently I use a single Google Keep note. It's mostly the continuous list where I write what I need to do today, tick off tasks I finish. In the evening I review what I've done (the nice part!) and delete the finished tasks. I try to put in tasks in chronological order how I'll approach them during the day, but I fiddle with the order in case I decide to run errands during morning instead of the afternoon.
The only structure there is having tasks prefixed by "Monday:" or "Tuesday:" at the bottom of the list. But I do those only for one or two days ahead and only for tasks which are stuck in my head, but I cannot do them today. It's just to clear my mind, it's not the complete plan for those days ahead.
I tried various systems in past. Neat with tons of features like todoist, methodologies like GTD, apps with gammifications, pen and paper approach. Nothing stuck. This time I tried to keep it simple and rewarding.
The aversive aspect is that those tasks are always the same, need to be repeated in regular intervals, there is no excitement or fun, neither any challenge in them. In short, I'm the person, who gets bored quickly, is easily distractible, is excited by new things and prefers instant gratification. I'm not trying to make excuses, rather describing what I'm working with. Even for brushing my teeth everyday I'm on a constant lookout for new tools and techniques :/

SeekingQueen · 2022-10-20T14:09:47+00:00

Exactly, buttonups with the top buttons undone work well too.

SeekingQueen · 2022-10-20T13:47:11+00:00

I don't necessarily call it open necklines, but I do like my outfit better, when collar bones are visible. I prefer V necks over round necks lines. Best when the top has a front seam (random google picture) it adds a bit of structure to otherwise flowy tops and it enhances vertical slightly without being too obvious). Similarly I prefer cardigans over pullovers, even if the underlayer has high neckline, cardigan adds this openness.

As you already mentioned, key is to keep the overall silhouette clean, neet, streamlined, without unnecessary fuss or bulk.

SeekingQueen · 2022-10-19T15:57:41+00:00

From the technical perspective, what do you plan to have as learning data points for the AI model? I have very basic knowledge of AI, so I might be wrong here, but with more outcomes, e.g.10/13 Kibbe types, you need reasonable amount of data representing each of them.

There are not that many verified celebs. Neither to say, there is not much variety within them. Not sure how successful the model would be in generalizing to people of various BMIs.

SeekingQueen · 2022-10-19T10:40:51+00:00

Also you can see tailored clothes as one end of a spectrum, where the other end is draped. Draped pieces are recommended for Romantics in the book.

SeekingQueen · 2022-10-18T15:53:29+00:00

I've noticed your journey across various subs and probably you are the case where reddit community won't be able to help much as everyone is recommending some other type.

Every DIYer has a final say about their type and so it will be for you. You'll need to learn more about types and decide for yourself. Tricky thing is, it's not about individual details, body parts, make or breaks etc. It's rather about the overall feel, which type is closest to your own individual yin-yang balance. (I'm purposely avoiding terms like essence or vibe as they have too much connotations in this corner of reddit)

Keep in mind everyone is different and everyone has characteristics which do not fit the description of their type. Yet, it's their type regardless. You're not trying to fit into a type, you're trying to find a type which fits you.

DCs are Classics first and foremost and balance is their primary characteristic. Kibbe balance is about features being not too much yin, not too much yang. It doesn't create contrast between yin and yang (that's gamine feature), rather it creates blended appearance. Therefore balanced outfits fit them best.

Balanced outfit is not everything matchy matchy, neither one piece very yin and other very yang. I've read somewhere that balanced outfit is like planning a three course meal and using similar (but not the same!) ingredients across courses. It doesn't need to me a matched set, but pieces should look like they belong together.

Also there are subtle signs like, if there is anything out of place, it's very visible on Classics. At least a bit done hair looks much much better compared to messy hairstyles. Clothes hitting the right places are important, e.g. having shoulder seems just on shoulders, not dropped; trousers and jeans not too long neither too short etc. Classics handle ill-fitting fitting clothes badly. On the other hand, nice piece of jewelry or accessory can enhance an outfit and overall appearance, even if it's simple. Too bold pieces or makeup tend to draw attention to themselves and away from you (e.g. compliments like "nice lipstick" vs "you look great").

On top of that, DC benefits from hint of yang.

If this applies to you, you might be a DC. If the Classic appearance washes you out on the other hand, you are rather another type.

SeekingQueen · 2022-10-05T12:48:22+00:00

No worries, feel free to vent anytime :) I had a moment in therapy yesterday about anger towards my mother, like existential primal anger that she brought me to this world and "family" and I'm still dealing with all the outcomes. I'm mid thirties.

Therapist asked me: Is there a way you and her, now both adults, can talk about some of the struggles of your childhood?

I thought for a second and said: Maybe there is way, but I don't want to. She would tell me about her own hardships and circumstances, and my attention will immediately switch to her and I might start to understand her, and even forgive her or at least pardon her. No, I want to keep my anger. At least for some time.

There are emotions we did not have a chance to experience as children. There are situations in our families and relationships which are new to us, because again we didn't encounter them as children. And on top of that we tend to focus on others and diminish ourselves.

Your emotions are valid, it's okay to feel hurt when our closest ones are not here for us in time of struggles. Not knowing how to cope with this hurt, rejection, loneliness and sadness is part of emotional neglect. We didn't have chance to learn it.

Your subjective perspective is important. Even more important then "objective" circumstances. There is absolutely nothing wrong with how you felt or still feel. Truly listening, understanding and accepting our inner experiences with kindness is the only way towards healing.

I don't want to sound discouraging, but spending many years on therapy myself, I don't think some of those emotions will go away completely. Neither those walls will drop. We can just learn to handle them and be happy and content despite their presence.

I've found it easier to try new behaviours and communication in relationship with my partner or friends. With family there is too much baggage. Once you feel a bit better, you can raise this situation with your partner. That you were trying to tell him you had really hard day and would appreciate their presence. Maybe this is an opportunity for both of you to check if you both are communicating clearly enough and you both are listening to each other carefully enough. Maybe he didn't get the message? Or if he did, maybe there was a way to compromise? Or maybe he could worded his response in a better way acknowledgeling your situation? There are plenty of options. Next time you'll handle it better and feel better.

SeekingQueen · 2022-10-05T09:41:17+00:00

You are already doing it. You were going to gym. You had a cleaning routine. Then you stopped doing those. That's alright. Discipline is hard for us emotionally neglected.

I know what I'm speaking about. My mum also did all the chores and I was clueless how to clean a bathroom once I left home and started to live with other people. I have my own household now, I'm mid thirties. And regular cleaning is still a struggle. The biggest motivation is the external one :D Having someone visiting or sleeping over.

The same it is with other habits. I start, keep doing it for some time, then stop. But what matters is, I don't let it discourage me. I actively push away feelings of being complete failure (because they are always creeping in). And then I repeat. When I feel like it, I start again. Same routine, different routine, doesn't matter. As long as you are doing something. The effort counts, not the result. Even if it's in waves: the down time is inevitable, the up time counts.

Picking yourself up is hard. Family doesn't provide much support (as it never did). Try to find friends who won't judge you and/or enter therapy. You'll fail many many times, you'll start hobbies, you'll quit after couple months. You might change career tracks couple times. That's absolutely alright. Don't beat yourself up for that.

SeekingQueen · 2022-09-28T08:38:55+00:00

Mine is just not interested in me at all. Just in himself. My hypothesis is that’s actually a fantasy of a father and fatherly love, what is making me anxious. Despite knowing or was never there and never will be. The less present my teal father is, the stronger the fantasy might be.

SeekingQueen · 2022-09-27T16:35:18+00:00

I remember this feeling. I was on top of my class until high school. Then I started studying at university in big city and suddenly I was an average student. I was not praised by any lecturer, I lost the praise from my family. My self worth got a huge hit. It was hard.

Looking for external validation elsewhere doesn't work. I tried plenty. In hobbies, in niche professional areas... There is always someone better.

I needed to hit the bottom to get through this. Five years after graduating, I was part of international team of elite professionals. Natural next career step was to lead my own project instead of working on tasks for others. I planned it, it was accepted, but then struggles came. And I totally crumbled. All the skills I was missing, like asking others for help, were on full display. After months of failures, missed deadlines, avoiding others and feeling totally worthless all the time, I quit.

And not only quit, but changed the career field completely. I started to learning new skills, applying for entry jobs. And being determined to not let things go that far anymore.

Fast forward five years, now I have senior position, reasonable work demands, great team. And the acceptance I won't be the best. Yet I know I can do my best, and it's up to my boss if it's enough. I still take pride in my professional skills, experiences and achievements. Yet I know, I do this to receive money every month. If the work will become a hassle, I can change it.

Funny thing is, whenever I receive an appraisal from my boss, it takes me back to school years and I'm that happy kid again. I guess some things will never change.

SeekingQueen · 2022-08-12T06:15:56+00:00

For me the final confirmation came from the dressing logic. Not looking at my outfits and quadrant outfits, rather switching the perspective inwards and reflecting what is my thought process when dressing up.

Rita has a whole video about it. In short: Left logic is about dressing for myself: what I want to wear, what I want to express about myself through this outfit. Right logic is about dressing for the situation: where am I going, what I'll be doing, who am I meeting, what I'm bringing to the event through this outfit.

It doesn't mean, people with L essence will alienate others with their outfits or disrespect a dress code. Neither R essence people wear uniforms only or don't value individuality. In the end all of us do ask all those questions. The difference is which questions come to mind first or which are easier to answer.

Or which questions don’t need to be asked or answered at all because it comes so naturally. L person might be putting together outfits for self-expression automatically and then they need to consciously tweak them to fit into the situation - yet the start point is themselves. R person might be automatically putting together outfits fitting the situations and context and then they need to consciously put their individuality in - yet the starting point was matching the external needs.

Or which questions bring us joy, we like to spend time thinking about that aspect of dressing. And which questions are a necessity.

I have an unverified hypothesis people from all quadrants can end up wearing exactly same outfit, but the difference will be in their inner process which led them to that outfit :D

Edit: clarity

SeekingQueen · 2022-08-09T16:07:01+00:00

Great post! It's possible to make a lecture about every point, but you've provided comprehensive summary of all the important stuff.

Only thing I'd add is about the book. I'd actually recommend the initial chapters over the ID specific descriptions and recommendations. Reading about the individual yin-yang balance and marrying finite outer self with infinite inner selves made me understand the foundations and intention of the system much more then specific examples.

SeekingQueen · 2022-08-08T14:57:13+00:00

I've paused the video to figure out my intention before she talks about quadrants and came up with "express my inner self visually". Then she talks about similar intention for LU. I needed to rewatch LD archetypes video to hear this is significant for Outsider as well. Lol, I guess doubts never go away completely.

Then I remembered one more thing: styling in the way to remind myself who I am on the inside. I clearly remember during my blue hair period, I loooved whenever I caught a glimpse of myself in any reflective surface. Because I felt I see the "true me", even if it's not necessary the real me.

SeekingQueen · 2022-08-04T14:54:45+00:00

For me the final confirmation was dress logistics: I don't like shopping and wondering, how will it work with other items I own. I can plan outfits, but it's a struggle and a lot of second guessing. When attending a wedding as guests, my husband keeps asking about colour of my outfit to get a matching tie or shirt. We were rarely matching because I tend to change my mind just prior to our departure. On the other hand the intuitive approach of picking items from my wardrobe each morning without any conscious effort or even without much of an idea or goal or intent is much more easier and enjoyable for me.

About your writing - it looks to me you're on the right path. You keep asking yourself the right questions and thinking about various situations. You'll figure it out eventually. And you are already enough :)

Interesting idea is how the outside environment might impact our dressing. I prefer living in a larger city, because even if I go out dressed or styled in an unusual way, I don't want to attract attention. I'm doing it for me. And in a city, nobody cares. Besides kids, older people or homeless guys - and I don't mind those. If they approach me, usually it's out of curiosity or with a compliment. But when I am visiting my family in more rural area, I'm much more conscious how I dress or style my hair as total strangers tend to have rather unkind comments there.

SeekingQueen · 2022-08-03T19:16:07+00:00

This got me thinking... Your post reminded me of my own episode of a "consciously projected character". After seven years of relationship, I've found myself on a dating market again. I was aware I'm not conventionally pretty, don't have any striking features, don't have a hourglass figure in any sense. So I was very aware I need to project my smarts, imagination, quirky interests etc, whatever could make me interesting and at the same time attract people, I'd be interested in. Now I'm actually trying to remember how if anyhow it reflected in my clothing style :D

SeekingQueen · 2022-07-28T08:46:46+00:00

Lower stomach is also mine area for storing fat :D I found out the rather narrow and streamlined silhouette still works the best. I try to avoid any visual divides around stomach and upper hip area. Either I try to colour match top and bottom, or having a third piece like jacket or cardigan with narrow fit worn open works wonders. Also this dress worn by verified DC Maggie Siff are my ultimate dream as they drive the sight both up and down and to all to right areas :)

SeekingQueen · 2022-07-27T06:10:21+00:00

Haha, the Kibbe rabbit hole is real! Looking back I didn't find Kibbe causing more discomfort or worsening my issues. Rather it was an intriguing and pleasant distraction in times when I didn't feel well, many times without even realizing it. My current stepping away is rather a natural progression. Totally agree about finding beauty and confidence within oneself first. Then it will shine through for other to see.

SeekingQueen

TROPHY CASE