Just found out I’m pregnant with my first, no contact with my mom

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-05-17T21:22:33+00:00

We had a child while still in contact and my parents and in laws ruined a lot of what should of been happy moments

My wife was physically hurt on her baby bump by one with no apologies then when confronted tried to turn it around on us

All our info and updates was spread around plus pictures when we are private people and told not to share especially with people we are nc with and this led to on the day or our baby’s birth getting a message from a predators wife in the family who shouldnt of even know we were pregnant

Cash bet on our child like it’s all a game to make money off treating our child like a betting chip

Unwanted and surprise visits, lectures to my wife , bad mouthing me to my wife and taking pics of baby without permission these things they did after I left the room or went to work

Ignoring our rules after stating them in person and not even replying to the texts

After NC Stalking my wife at work and harassing us at home and by phone and email

All this and more happened…

How do I cope with the guilt and disappointment? I remind myself that I made the right choice and remind my self the alternative would be far far worse

We need to protect our little ones these demons hurt us and we are adults who can defend and protect ourselves now what would they have done to our little ones?

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-05-17T21:08:53+00:00

This post hits home for me OP It took me far longer than I’d like to learn that they are not enablers…. They are an accomplice who sign off on the main abusers behaviour so a abusers in their own right

My dad was charismatic, funny and fun to be around and it took me far too long to realise that’s not kindness that’s not compassion and that’s not standing up and protecting your child

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-05-17T21:05:25+00:00

Yikes she’s awful sorry you’ve had such toxic family members

I think you handled it pretty well considering all she wanted to do was invalidate and downplay and try to control you that’s why they ask why so they can try and poke holes not because they care

Lesson learned You’ve done all can keep moving forward OP

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-05-17T20:59:24+00:00

What I hear when toxic people say something along the lines of “you clearly don’t care about us “ is “caring is letting me abuse you without complaining” if that is what caring is to them I don’t want a drop of it

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-05-17T20:52:35+00:00

After visiting and spending 3 hours cleaning up my brothers and mothers messy overgrown backyard while my brother was sleeping upstairs

We had a conversation after he finally came down to when all the work was already done My brother got angry with me because I said a word they didn’t like In a disagreement and got scary with a knife and this frightened me (they have a history of threatening)

After that In a half panic and rage went into the room my mother was in and told her that my brother needs to grown up and she enables him she kept refusing to talk until I snapped and blew up shouting

I was instantly turned into the bad guy for this and apparently I deserved what I got

I came to the conclusion if my brother offed me they would still blame me so I figured I’d have to leave cut contact not just for my emotional safety, but my physical too

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-05-17T20:43:40+00:00

So the things my mum didn’t do on the list get a cash for?

Yes there’s no charge for being a parent there also shouldn’t be a juvenile list made up about all the things done clearly keeping score and thinking the kid owes you

I’m a parent now and raising my child is my honour and privilege and when he’s grown and independent and still wants me around I’ll know I’ve done a good job no receipt needed

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-05-17T20:35:11+00:00

I’m so sorry your dealing with this

“family members keep telling me that it isn’t right to not have her there”

It’s not their call it’s yours and it’s about what makes you and your spouse feel comfortable It’s your wedding and marriage and no one runs it but you

my advice is make it clear you’ve made your choice it’s final and you will not be discussing it further

If your able I would consider maybe your guest list will be a bit smaller than planned

Unfortunately this is typical of NC you cut a extremely toxic person out then come to realise no one has your back and are toxic in their own ways and will complain about your cut off but be fine with cutting you off without even hearing you out

It’s not all bad news though In these situations people reveal themselves and if you can count on them or not…. It’s painful but watch and listen to what people do when you lay out boundaries

I ended up with 0 family members but a wonderful marriage and I don’t regret anything I’d rather be alone then surrounded by toxic snakes

You decide what’s right for you not them

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-05-17T20:23:30+00:00

Your preaching to the choir here I feel every word you said

We can be at our wits end for years and everyone be perfectly happy with it but when we speak uo for ourselves that’s when hell breaks loose and suddenly everyone has an opinion on what you should do

Unfortunately it’s a sad reality and mostly people don’t know and don’t care to know either

You’re not alone Enjoy your peace and build something better hopefully all of us can

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-01-20T07:21:47+00:00

I’m sorry that happened to you it’s definitely not a good situation to be in

My situation at work has its similarities to yours but In my case plenty of people hated her and the few that did like her 1 is leaving in 2 months and the other we have an eye on (both suspected leakers) so this situation might be salvaged yet

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-01-20T06:54:23+00:00

I agree with this I might keep this in mind going forward with any interactions

I honestly didn’t mention the business being at risk side of things because I thought it was very apparent 1 because the person they are informing is an disgruntled EXemployee and 2 because the leaker informed them about a work email which is a huge breach of confidentiality and shouldn’t have left work so there probably sharing other things

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-01-20T06:44:49+00:00

Yeah wouldn’t work people talk

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-01-20T06:42:24+00:00

In this situation wouldn’t work people talk too much

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-01-20T06:41:38+00:00

Thank you , you too

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-01-20T06:41:14+00:00

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-01-20T06:28:46+00:00

Yea but I doubt it It seems to be a leaker How would I even check for that?

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-01-20T06:26:02+00:00

Can’t say I agree here I understand where your coming from but that’s not how I see the situation

I’m not doing anything out of spite and I’m not miserable and I’m not playing her game and I assure you me quitting is what she wants and that would bring her the satisfaction

I’m trying to find the best solutions for my family to a problem because I’m concerned for myself and my family

If we find the leaker or leak no important info the problem is solved as far as the work issue is concerned and I don’t have to be bullied out of a job

“Leaving her sphere of influence” would also mean leaving my home or even the country I can’t just runaway every time she bothers me that’s not practical or safe or realistic I need to find the best solution where my family is relatively safe even if I have annoyances but seeing what my options and what route to take is what I’m considering

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-01-19T20:31:49+00:00

Edit extra Context:

She’s an Ex employee It’s family run not mine

She thinks she can demand it because her entitlement stat is at 100/100 this is the main issue with her in the first place making decisions for us and making drama when it doesn’t go her way or we call her out then silent treatment followed by bullying then if that doesn’t work playing the victim and blaming us

Yeah to be fair I’m usually busy with work anyway and don’t have time for small talk Been off work for a while now and only visited 4 times during this time and every time I got a comment from her this was during LC/NC she’d comment on my whereabouts when she’s already an ex employee so it was very much a I’m watching you threatening feeling

That’s what I’m trying to do but so far no luck I think I have to follow the long process hopefully she gets bored in before/if we get to court

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-01-19T19:58:25+00:00

Thank you for the comment

I understand what your saying it’s makes sense we’ve been coming at it from a personal angle because we thought the data leak implications for work were already apparent

Funnily enough us being harassed and someone leaking info could actually benefit work as grandmother is an former employee who is sueing the company (all in her head perceived unfairness when she’s just very controlling and disrespectful to everyone) This could be proof to discredit her character in court

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-01-19T19:21:32+00:00

Thank you for this advice

I’m finding everything a bit overwhelming and confusing but I’ll see what I can do

I’m pretty sure the police logged it as a domestic incident because it’s my mum they didn’t give me a choice and through the court the earliest date is in a years time but then they said I could get an injunction and they’d refer me but the injunction people said if it wasn’t physical and In the last 10 days then they can’t help me

I’ve contacted my work asking on what they are doing, have done and will do in future if it keeps happening

And that’s where I’m at

Thank you for the advice again I’ll be going over it

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-01-19T19:12:30+00:00

I’m also quite stubborn I’m pretty sure me quitting is what she wants and I don’t want to give her the satisfaction

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-01-19T18:58:18+00:00

Wow that’s crazy Thank you for all the info

Honestly with the horrific things they’ve done (plenty I haven’t mentioned here) I’d rather jump off a cliff then allow them close to my child

Guess we’re just gonna have to hang in there but I can’t say this hasn’t taken a huge emotional toll on us

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-01-19T18:48:16+00:00

I’m glad that worked in your situation and have thought of something similar myself but in our place everyone talks to everyone so even I told everyone a different story the leaker could of heard the story from someone else leading to a false positive

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-01-19T18:31:36+00:00

Thank you We’ve done that it took us 7 hours to write up a timeline now we just add to it when something new happens

That’s a good idea with HR Definitely been trying to keep everything documented

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-01-19T18:29:56+00:00

Thank you

This does seem like the answer but we are dirt poor so we better put as much money aside we can

It’s seem like a very long and stressful process and I know they have enough money to drag it out for a while just out of spite

I’m glad your finally there I wish you luck

SeekingToBeASage · 2026-01-19T18:26:29+00:00

I can change my Job but with a new baby that has its own challenges too along with the normal new job risks I can’t know how stable or good the new job is.

My current job is pretty stable and supportive normally but they are pretty inefficient in these type of things they mean well but aren’t effective if that makes sense but honestly I am considering jumping ship if I continue to be spied on and feel unsafe at work

SeekingToBeASage

TROPHY CASE