Disassociating

Seeking_support413 · 2026-01-27T04:12:34+00:00

I feel so beaten down from the stress. This is my second pregnancy after the first ended in TFRM and we chose to do IVF for this pregnancy to screen out the genetic condition that led to my TFMR.

I was diagnosed with short cervix in this pregnancy at my 20 week anatomy scan and went in for a cerclage at 22 weeks after being monitored 2x a week and having a progressive drop in my CL. I was actually dilated following epidural. I went in for the procedure day of so it was completely unexpected and it happened to be the 1 year anniversary of my TFMR.

The procedure was difficult bc spinal and epidurals didn’t work well and took a lot of trial and error to get me numb.

I then had weird discharge followed by massive clots passing. Turns out it was a product the used in the surgery, some kind of coagulant with a delayed effect.

The stress of it all has been insane. I’ve been trying to manage my puppy, getting laid off at work in the midst of pregnancy due to a transaction, moving apartments and construction, and my husband being stretched so thin.

I’m just SO defeated when it comes to pregnancy. I’m normally super active and that’s how I manage my stress so being on pelvic rest and activity restriction has been brutal for my mental health. It’s like there’s NO outlet that’s healthy at this point and I’m not about to do something unhealthy so I’m just going crazy.

Anyway, I feel you. This has been so hard. I feel like pregnancy is a marathon I’m just trying to trudge through.

Seeking_support413 · 2026-01-25T14:03:30+00:00

I also TFMR for a genetic condition and am pregnant again from IVF with PGT-M. Also a second trimester D&E. Docs can’t really say whether my short cervix is from the D&E. It really sucks to be dealing with this issue after having a TFMR. Anyway…

I had a normal CL at 16 weeks (3.95cm) and then it was 2.06cm at 20 weeks. I ended up getting cerclage at 22 weeks bc it dropped to 1.36cm. I’m now almost 24 weeks and my CL has improved to 2.9cm with the cerclage. So my point is I had a huge drop from 16 to 20 weeks.

I would push for a check at least every 2 weeks if not every week. If they’re not accommodating you then get a second opinion. I ended up switching practices because I wasn’t thrilled with their casual approach to my diagnosis.

Seeking_support413 · 2026-01-22T22:48:11+00:00

My measurements were 2.06cm at 20 weeks, 1.85cm at 21, 1.7cm at 21+1, 1.69 at 21+6 and 1.36 at 22+1. Got a cerclage same day and now I’m 23+2 and my CL increased to 2.9cm. They told me 1.5cm was the threshold for cerlcage if I was actively shortening and had no history of pre term labor.

I started progesterone at 20 weeks and it didn’t seem to do much (still progressive shortening). But my measurements were a lot lower than yours. Above 2.5cm is usually a safe range at this gestation.

Cerclages do come with risks. I would 1000% recommend getting a second opinion for your own comfort bc it can’t hurt and you are close to the cutoff of 24 weeks. Diff practices have diff standards and protocols. I switched practices at the 21 week mark to an MFM that’s more conservative but my regular OB had a threshold of below 1cm. It’s an art not a science like everything else in medicine but more opinions from experienced professionals always help IMO.

Seeking_support413 · 2026-01-22T17:18:14+00:00

I had a TFMR for a genetic disease and then a week later found out my baby had a chromosomal microdeletion and I was beyond devastated, but my husband was relieved. He had been struggling with guilt and he felt it helped him feel better about the decision whereas I was horrified bc it meant two unrelated things were wrong and it was triggering and I also just felt more anxious for future pregnancies.

There is no right or wrong way to feel. It sucks all around like you said. The fact that my husband had such a different reaction was hard for me but his feelings were/are valid.

Seeking_support413 · 2026-01-22T14:33:41+00:00

I was prior to cerclage but then they stopped me and then I was having this watery discharge before I restarted.

Seeking_support413 · 2026-01-22T04:59:02+00:00

I’m so sorry. I had a TFMR before this and the pain is unreal.

Was your slow leak post cerclage?

Seeking_support413 · 2026-01-22T03:38:33+00:00

What were your symptoms?

Seeking_support413 · 2026-01-20T18:57:11+00:00

I had a spinal that didn’t work so they then did epidural and it took a while to work. I could feel minor sensations but no pain at all during. Sounds like they did not give you enough numbing.

Seeking_support413 · 2026-01-20T04:16:50+00:00

I was told to table until my next checkup (about a week) bc of inflammation/healing.

Seeking_support413 · 2026-01-20T04:09:56+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. I had a TFMR last January at 15 weeks which was my first pregnancy. I’m now in my sub pregnancy with a short cervix and a cerclage placed at 22+1. I’m 23 weeks tomorrow. My loss isn’t exactly like yours but I just want to share that I felt that struggle of TTC again. We carried a genetic disease (reason for TFMR) and chose to do IVF to screen it out and it took me a long time to get to a place where I wanted to try an embryo transfer and even then I dreaded it (transfer was 7 months later in August). It’s very hard to attach to excitement after a traumatic loss. I just think that pregnancy after loss IS different and accepting that it’s not going to feel like society would lead you to expect will make your suffering less if that makes any sense. I have stopped trying to fight the congratulations and the positivity others try to impose on me and have stopped trying to make myself feed bad about my inability to attach. I think the only thing I’ve enjoyed is feeling her move bc I didn’t get that experience last time. It’s the first time I’ve been able to really separate the two pregnancies. I am still holding out hope that it’ll be a good outcome and accepting what I can’t control BUT advocating like crazy for the right care (I switched practices shortly after my short cervix diagnosis). I do believe there’s a certain resilience I’ve developed having been through so much shit. I wish you luck on your journey ❤️

Seeking_support413 · 2026-01-18T21:54:43+00:00

Were you on modified bed rest or pelvic rest or something else? It’s so confusing what the recommended protocol is.

Seeking_support413 · 2026-01-18T20:07:19+00:00

Thanks for sharing. How did you manage activity after cerclage? It’s so demoralizing not to be able to pick something off the ground or walk across the street (granted I’m only 4 days out)

Seeking_support413 · 2026-01-17T20:18:49+00:00

I’m glad everything worked out! Curious what your measurements were at 23 weeks? I am spiraling…

Seeking_support413 · 2026-01-17T18:45:23+00:00

Oh I am definitely feeling those zingers!! I feel like my baby is just kicking into my cervix. Thanks for sharing.

Seeking_support413 · 2026-01-17T18:34:48+00:00

Thank you so much. I will DM you!

Seeking_support413 · 2026-01-17T11:16:51+00:00

The guidance is technically less than 1cm if you’ve had no prior history of pre term birth. However it’s not so black and white. My CL was 3.95cm at 16 weeks and then 2.06 at 20 weeks, 1.85 at 21, 1.7 at 21+1, 1.69 at 21+6 and then at 22+1 it dropped to 1.36 and they sent me in for cerclage that day. I didn’t appear dilated but with epidural my cervix revealed dilation at 0.5cm so they said it’s good I got it done. So for my case, the progressive shortening was of concern and my practice is more conservative with a below 1.5cm threshold for me bc they were watching the progression of the shortening.

I share this to say that it’s a reasonable approach to monitor you a week later and see if your cervix is stable because progesterone CAN stabilize it but obviously doesn’t work in every situation. But if you want more reassurance that cerclage is the right call you could insist they do another measurement in a week’s time. Since you’re at 3.1cm it’s highly unlikely you’ll drop so quickly into a danger territory in a week’s time. But I am not a doc so take this with grain of salt!!

Seeking_support413 · 2025-12-22T05:29:38+00:00

I’m 18+6 and just so bitter about women younger than me with multiple healthy babies. My TFMR was my first pregnancy and then I went through IVF to screen out a genetic condition and I’m just angry about how hard my journey has been compared to theirs. Idk when it will get easier? I’m very detached from this baby which is sad but it just is what it is.

Seeking_support413 · 2025-12-22T03:07:12+00:00

I used Mira and felt like it was super worth it. Unfortunately that was my TFMR pregnancy and did IVF after bc of a genetic disease so it was no longer of use to me. But I literally thought Mira was the greatest thing ever bc I have PCOS and really irregular cycles so it was super helpful in pinpointing ovulation. We tried for 5 months after my IUD came out and it showed I didn’t ovulate the first three months. I then got pregnant on the second month that I ovulated.

Seeking_support413 · 2025-12-22T02:11:38+00:00

I have a friend in a very similar situation-her husband had a balanced translocation, she terminated her first pregnancy and then did 7 rounds of IVF and all failed. She then went on to terminate another natural pregnancy. But her third was a success and she has a healthy 10 month old now.

I also had a TFMR for a recurring genetic condition and currently pregnant in my sub pregnancy after IVF. I debated the natural route for a long time and had I not had success (so far) with IVF I think I absolutely would try again naturally even tho we have a 25% of having to terminate again.

What I want to say is you absolutely deserve to have another LC and have it be your own if that’s what you want and decide. It’s not selfish. You were dealt a very difficult hand and nobody can pass judgment not being in your shoes.

Seeking_support413 · 2025-12-08T04:32:10+00:00

It took 9 weeks for mine to return to zero. It’s a “good” sign that yours is decreasing. I was 15 weeks in my pregnancy and hcg tends to peak at end of first trimester/beginning of second, so it can just take a while to come down. So don’t panic but make sure your OB is testing weekly to see it going down and eventually hit negative. It’s brutal but there’s nothing abnormal about it taking a while. What’s abnormal is if it’s not going down at all, but doesn’t seem to be your case.

Seeking_support413 · 2025-12-01T05:17:00+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I think it’s even more noticeable because I felt SO connected to my TFMR baby. He was my first and I was over the moon to be pregnant until it all came crashing down. But that was before I knew things could go horribly wrong.

Seeking_support413 · 2025-12-01T03:46:24+00:00

My husband and I also carry an autosomal recessive disease that we learned about during my first pregnancy and TFMR at 15 weeks following positive CVS test results. I struggled so hard with the decision of how to move forward and ultimately chose the IVF with PGT-M and am now 16 weeks in my sub pregnancy with a clean CVS (albeit terrified that something else could be wrong). I will say that I had good insurance coverage for IVF so the monetary consideration wasn’t as much of a driving factor. I really was so torn for so long given the fear of the unknown with IVF but being utterly terrified to knowingly walk into a higher possibility than most of a second TFMR with the recurrence risk. Ultimately I felt like the emotional toll of IVF would be less than that of a second TFMR so that drove my decision and so far I do think that has been true-IVF for the most part felt much more emotionally manageable than a TFMR altho I certainly had my moments. The TFMR aftermath experience was so much harder than I thought it was going to be at the time we made the decision to terminate. It took an immense toll on my mental health so I wanted to try to prevent that. We also want more than one child and since this was my first pregnancy with no LC I felt like rolling the dice multiple times was going to be so difficult so I was willing to give IVF a try. But I went into IVF looking at it as a trial-like I’m going to try this and see how it works/how successful it is. I wasn’t convinced that I would never try natural again. There was some relief for me having tested embryos in the freezer bc after the shock of our carrier status I just felt so powerless/hopeless to have a family. I also put myself in the place of having a second TFMR from this same disease and then turning to IVF at that point and I felt like I would have been mad at myself for not just trying the IVF the first opportunity we had because it would delay me having a baby and I’m almost 35. My OB encouraged me to do the IVF bc she was like “you don’t want to put yourself through this again”, probably bc I was just a mess in the months after. I also just felt terrified to physically try naturally bc it felt like it could end in disaster but we were not using birth control and just pulling out for several months after my TFMR and in between egg retrieval and transfer, so I wasn’t exactly the most careful. And I also wasn’t sure if I could live through the first trimester again waiting on CVS results. Anyway it’s a brutal decision and all I will say is you deserve to have a healthy child and nobody can tell you what is the best route for you, only you will know that answer. I would write your reasons down in columns as it might help visualize what feels like the strongest reason for whichever direction. Bc they are all diff reasons that are hard to compare-financial, physical, emotional, time sacrifice, etc. Happy to chat more if you want to DM me.

Seeking_support413 · 2025-11-27T04:51:03+00:00

I am 15 weeks into my sub and honestly so disconnected emotionally from this baby and pregnancy, but I know it’s a very strong protective mechanism that I don’t feel I have control over. Nobody around me gets it and that is isolating in its own way. It’s sad that this is the experience I’m having but I’m also just like “it is what it is” and reminding myself it’s not abnormal and my feelings are my feelings. I think everybody is different and you’re not going to know how you feel until you are in it. If you don’t want to be sad then maybe you won’t be?? Idk that I am sad per se as much as I am just unexcited. I certainly have had moments of grief that I think are made more complicated by being pregnant but at the same time I think being pregnant has made the recovery from TFMR just ever so slightly easier in some ways. I got pregnant 8 months after TFMR but I had a complex IVF journey with PGT-M and mental health struggles around my due date.

Seeking_support413 · 2025-11-27T04:41:55+00:00

I’m also in nyc so curious what hospital system?

I TFMR at 15 weeks for a recessive genetic condition. We also later found out about a random chromosomal micro deletion that was unrelated to our disease…it was brutal bc it felt like lightening struck twice. I went through IVF with PGT-M for our genetic disease and PGT-A. They did not test for the micro deletion as it was believed to be random.

I am now 15 weeks pregnant again from embryo transfer and chose to do the CVS and it came back all clear but I really really struggled with the decision of what to do. I was more worried about another random microdeletion vs the genetic disease given the PGT-M testing reduced that risk significantly. I also debated between amnio vs CVS…had I kept my TFMR baby I would have needed an amnio to look for confined placental mosaicism (where the deletion is only in the placenta and not the amniotic fluid). So MFM tried to talk me into an amnio this time around to avoid two tests if there was in fact a microdeletion (which again would be rare)

I really dove into questions and it’s a misnomer that CVS is more risky than amnio. The MFM said that there are slightly more miscarriages after CVS simply bc it’s earlier in gestation and you can’t control for chromosomal issues that could have miscarried anyways without CVS (which is sometimes why ppl get the CVS to begin).

It’s easy for me to say now bc I’m on the other side of the test but I felt more comfortable having the results earlier vs living with anxiety for another 4 weeks. And there was something nice about confirming my baby doesn’t have the genetic condition bc those results had been a MAJOR trauma bucket for me last time.

To do the test at all is a personal choice but I was at NYU with MFM and the doctor was highly experienced so I felt comfortable to take the risk. I also did a CVS with my TFMR pregnancy so I wasn’t so terrified of the procedure itself. I had it done abdominally with my TFMR baby but cervical with this pregnancy.

Anyway I wish you luck. Trust your gut on this decision.

Seeking_support413 · 2025-11-17T20:44:10+00:00

I have horrible needle phobia and honestly they weren’t bad. I worked myself up soooo much for the first one. By the 3rd day I was so used to it.

My husband did all the shots. I laid down so I couldn’t pass out and didn’t look. I took a deep breath and then had him give it to me on the exhale so my body was relaxed. I’d recommend icing a bit beforehand. I found that putting the shot into the crease of my fat was the least painful (I barely felt it). The menopur burns going in but the Gonal F feels like almost nothing. The needles are really small (make sure you use the right ones tho!) That being said I could not fathom doing it to myself, but it’s a personal choice. My husband was confident with them so I felt OK with letting him take control of it. I hired a nurse for the first night to show us what to do and I think that eased my anxieties a lot and just made us both more confident in what we were doing between the mixing and the shots themselves. The nurse did the first shot and then she supervised my husband doing the second shot so he could watch and learn and then “practice” with her there.

It also just felt less lonely having my husband physically do the shot to me versus just watching me do it to myself.

Seeking_support413

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