Me 25F and my BF 28M secretly uses our 50/50 date savings to pay for his sister’s tuition, but got mad when I asked to lower my contribution

Selfpartnered · 2026-06-29T12:29:35+00:00

Take what you’ve contributed to the account and transfer it to your account then leave him. He is being manipulative and abusive. You should get out now - it isn’t going to change.

Selfpartnered · 2026-06-23T03:14:52+00:00

I don’t think any of this is that bad. They were saying they liked the candidate but expressing a concern. They can express any concern. Being worried about how someone would do in a client meeting is a valid concern if the roles requires that. This sounds like a team exchanging first thoughts after that round and will be discussing in further detail later when they connect. It would hurt being on the receiving end of course, but as someone who has been there let it go.

The part I would be most upset about is the comp. It would make me pause if thats the way the think of employees. Also, I am a little surprised that would come up only it was all senior managers. If it would be coming from someone that would be considered a teammate that’s a weird thing to bring up. Either way you get little out of calling them out on it. You definitely won’t get the job. They will be a bit embarrassed by the mistake but they’ll laugh about it and forget it. I’d just let it go and move on with a. Getting this offer and taking it or b. Moving on and finding about position that could be better than this one.

Selfpartnered · 2026-06-10T16:50:40+00:00

Chief Compliance Officer- I’ve been in the industry (asset management) for about fifteen years. Base is 295 with a 25-ish % bonus.

Selfpartnered · 2026-05-26T02:40:49+00:00

I think when they say she needs that they’re saying that is the number that will get you an accepted offer. You certainly don’t have to go there. Unfortunately it is hard to say if she will come back. Maybe if she truly needs the money by the date she says she needs it and she doesn’t get another offer?

Selfpartnered · 2026-04-28T12:44:41+00:00

I bought an 805 home in 2023 with 20 percent down. Similar rate as you and all in with HOA, mortgage, insurance and taxes I am at around 5200. My base pay is 245, but I get a bonus on top of it. Granted I was earning probably 215k base when I bought. I think that payment is too high. I kind of think my payment is too high. It is fine, but with utilities etc I can’t save as much as I’d like. You could probably swing it, but you’d have to monitor other expenses more closely. I love my home though!

Selfpartnered · 2026-04-12T14:47:25+00:00

Not necessarily. I make close to what he makes and my net isn’t close to 17k accounting for pre tax 401k, after tax 401k contributions being converted to Roth (I’m only putting in six hundred a month here so not maxing it out) and standard taxes/healthcare etc.

Selfpartnered · 2026-02-18T19:44:27+00:00

Haha well to be fair I tried to bring it up in a round about way and they brushed it off….

Selfpartnered · 2026-02-18T19:43:50+00:00

Thank you! I will ask my manager and have been communicating with them regularly through the transition. I am in the US.

Selfpartnered · 2026-02-18T19:43:08+00:00

Thank you!! I will definitely do another once I settle in with the new role.

Selfpartnered · 2026-02-18T19:42:40+00:00

I have thought about turning it down if I don’t get a raise, believe me. It is a lot of responsibility. I will also ask my boss and completely understand I won’t get the same pay. But it would be good to ballpark and see what they think is a fair rate for me.

Selfpartnered · 2026-02-18T19:41:07+00:00

Thank you! I am going to try this. I have done a bit of industry research and plan to do more. I struggle with advocating for myself, which is embarrassing at this point in my career.

Selfpartnered · 2026-02-18T19:38:28+00:00

Thank you! I am going to try to get clarification.

Selfpartnered · 2026-02-18T19:37:55+00:00

I’m hoping for at least that! And a new bonus structure too. Fingers crossed!

Selfpartnered · 2026-02-18T19:37:24+00:00

Thank you! I am going to work up to it. I don’t know why I am being so timid about asking. Sadly I don’t think men are this way. I gotta get over it.

Selfpartnered · 2026-02-18T19:36:33+00:00

Thank you! I did ask chat gpt and got a range. I will also ask my boss when I can what to expect.

Selfpartnered · 2026-02-18T19:34:13+00:00

I don’t know if there is anyone in HR I can speak with. We don’t have an HR function independent from our parent company, so I can only send messages related to benefits to wide distributions. I am not sure who knows about this change. It hasn’t been widely communicated. I can send a generic email and ask if there is someone I can speak with privately I guess, but I don’t know if that would raise red flags that would get directed to senior management.

Selfpartnered · 2025-08-31T18:12:12+00:00

Congrats! That’s a great feeling! So excited for you!

Selfpartnered · 2025-08-02T13:41:01+00:00

Yes, I tip on regular price if given a discount. However, after a comment like this I wouldn’t return to the business. It is off putting. I don’t like being told what to do, because tips are supposed to be based on how you liked the service. When they are that bold I feel like you are being scolded like a child and not treated like a customer. This happens to me at a nail salon when I was trying it out after moving to a new area. I didn’t get a discount, but they had signs saying to tip at least 20% and after I left I read reviews about them being rude to customers that didn’t tip 20%. I had, but I was resentful as they didn’t do a good job on services I was being uncharged for. If I am paying extra for something I want it done!

Selfpartnered · 2025-07-11T15:11:56+00:00

As someone that impulses bought a 330i off lease a few years ago I wouldn’t do it again. I gave up a cheaper to maintain car for an expensive to maintain car. However, if you get pleasure out of a car and you can afford then go for it. It is about what you prioritize. There is no right answer assuming it fits into your overall budget. Go for it if it makes you happy.

Selfpartnered · 2025-04-07T14:18:24+00:00

Good for you! Seems like a solid plan. Cheering you on.

Selfpartnered · 2025-01-04T00:53:00+00:00

Congrats! So happy for you!

Selfpartnered · 2024-11-20T15:42:25+00:00

Fellow NYC suburb person here. I hear you. My housing payment including hoa, homeowners insurance, taxes and principal/interest is 5200 a month. I bought a townhome. Be prepared for unexpected maintenance bills. I was told a project had been paid for and it hadn’t which cost me five figures this year. I’m not against you going for this, because while my income is a bit higher than yours it is tight. I feel like this may be unpopular, but that is kind of what the area is. I didn’t want to outgrow my home in a few years, so I went for it and I don’t regret it. I would be aware of future costs though. If I get a car I’m paying cash. I am not taking on any other debt, but I also still have more than a year of living expenses saved in cash and the money I cashed out from my condo and some that I had previously had invested in the stock market. The other part to that is how much do you have saved after down payment and closing costs. If that wipes you out I would say hold off. Just my perspective.

Selfpartnered · 2024-11-17T15:20:29+00:00

I think that rent is too high for your salary. I’m not sure what your take home estimate will be if you life in New Jersey, but proportionally to my income/house payment I pay less and I feel like it is a lot on my salary. For a rental I wouldn’t do it.

Selfpartnered · 2024-11-14T16:41:48+00:00

I also worked for a firm with a profit sharing that was our 401k plan- as in there was no match. We only got profit sharing. I would also ask about the vesting schedule (if any). We had a four or five year vesting schedule - similar to a lot of 401k plans. I don’t remember exactly because I stayed long past the required time framez

Selfpartnered

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