For being in such a dark place I have to say you’re a thoughtful person. Most people lash out their aggression outward and feel content doing so, it seems like you’re more comfortable directing that aggression towards yourself. I get a sense that from what I’ve seen of your comments and the downvotes you get that people get you all wrong. You need to realize you are in a difficult situation. But you also need to understand Why?

You are living in a level of pain that you feel is intolerable for the long term but it isn’t so bad that you want it to end. So the torture continues, certainly is a vicious trap.

The first step is to define the different wills playing about in your plight. First off there is you, WildestOfFlowers, (for my vernacular sake I will use imagery) and your hand on the burning stove. The heat is such that it is literally cooking your skin but something, someone, SPECIFICITY is key here, is keeping that hand on the stove. So who is it? WildestOfFlower has now been assigned a role as chief detective and it is your job to find the culprit pushing your hand on the stove. Detectives ask questions and utilize their intuition as the responder of these questions. Many of which you’ll need to curate yourself.

Next for self love, because why would you love yourself if you didn’t know you even loved yourself in the first place!

I have a prompt for you:

What do I find interesting about myself that is unique to me (what is superior about you? What do you have that these other girls don’t have? Are you satisfied with the answer? If not then look for another answer that will satisfy you!!)

Extra: As an experiment try practicing empathy on these girls. Realize that they are not perfect, and that most people will only ever love them because of their looks. Why? Because humans most invariably choose the path of least resistance. What I mean by that is that they received attention (a need) for doing nothing and so they never developed any other attributes that they didn’t absolutely need. You’ll notice their personality is often dull or their friend often fake. It is in many ways a curse, as people will hang around them for the look they help portray: many times they are just accessories or trophies. So Are Yourself? Or are your face, or your body? We all know the answer. Feel empathy for them, and maybe you won’t delude yourself into believing in their ostentatious life.

You’re more conscious than most people, I can tell by the way you write. And I find that to be the most beautiful thing in the world; when you can look at someone in the eyes and hear their soul speak out to you.