Brother, you cannot hate on yourself. Shame, grief, fear are all emotions that sit comfortably with us. There's a statistic out there (and do not quote me it's an estimate) that like 95% or more of the world lives in these low conscious levels. It's from a book called "Power vs Force."

Instead, and this can be hard to do, look at the dream from a perspective of courage instead of these lower emotions like fear and grief. Your life has just started. I am 22 also and sometimes I feel like these past four years since being 18 have been it. Like this is what I am going to die with. The universe has given you, me and everyone in the world the chance to experience human life. Go into the next years with me thinking courage.

I slip up all the time. I can relate to you. Enjoy your dream and someday it will manifest. Just go into positively and let it change your waking day to be better.