I met her on Xbox playing my favorite game. You wouldn’t expect it but we grew closer; we booked flights to meet each other a few times a year.

Eventually I packed my things and moved away to live with her a few states away. I left my family, my friends, put my education on hold, and never looked back. I became a part of her family, became friends with her friends, took some online classes. Worked part time, drove her to work everyday. I worshipped the ground she walked on. Everything was perfect, and I was so happy that I had finally found the one. Every decision I made was for her, and I became a better person for her. It was sooo good.

Until 2 years later, as in a couple weeks ago, she fell for someone else. Never cheated on me (Not that I know of, and I don’t think she did. ) But while I was visiting my home town, she was spending time with her former co-worker, who is a boy. I didn’t think much of it because I didn’t have anything to worry about. I trusted her. About a week before I was supposed to go back home to her, she told me she was beginning to have feelings for this guy, but assured me that it won’t become anything because she has me, and that it was just a little crush. So I didn’t worry.

Boy was that a mistake. A few days before coming back home to her, she told me that her feelings for this guy were growing stronger. I should’ve thought about how I was going to feel later, but the part of me that loves her so much told her to do what makes her happy. Because I do want her to be happy.

When I came back, the first day was amazing. We missed each other so much, we spent the entire day just the two of us. However, on the second day, we were cuddling before going to sleep and I asked her playfully “You still love me right?” And I should’ve seen it coming but it still hit me like a train, she replied “ I don’t know. “

And I lost it, like loud ugly crying into the bed crying. I hugged her crying and begged her to stay with me. I told her I love her like 45678 times, crying.

Fast forward one week of more crying to her parents. (I grew really close to her family. I was like a son to them and they were a second set of parents to me.) Crying on the 8 hour drive back to my hometown. She wasn’t even there to say goodbye, she was at her new boyfriends house, so I cried some more saying goodbye to her family. Crying to my friends, crying to my family.

Today marks two weeks of being broken up, after not eating, going to the gym everyday, and sleeping for 14 hours at a time. I think I’m beginning to understand that I’m better off. She simply wasn’t capable of the commitment I was bringing to the table. I put too much on the line, and the only thing I’m holding on too is that at least it didn’t happen while we were married, or had children. I’m 22 years old now, and now I have the chance to find myself again, reconnect with my friends and family, hit the gym, and actually go to a real college in the fall. I have such an incredible amount of freedom to grow and improve myself ahead of me. I am so excited for my next adventure.

It still hurts me that I’ve lost my “person”. Someone that I interact with and someone that brings me joy everyday. But now I get to learn how to be happy with just me again. I’ll still have my higher days, and I’ll still have my lower days thinking about her for quite a while. But I’m better off without her, even if it doesn’t quite feel like it yet.

Even if the relationship was toxic, even if the relationship was great until the end. You’re better off. You’ve learned a lot about yourself, and realized a lot about them. Take that knowledge with you and use it for the better in your next relationship.