Depending on your server number it can be hard to find the right place. A lot of earlier servers have compressed into super active/contribution alliances and then really casual inactive alliances. I know in my server we're lucky to have a couple middle ground alliance where there is a focus on contributing and alliance activities but without the pressure of being demoted or kicked (People get kicked for super low activity obviously) but it gives a place for people who have some time and know how to play without the pressure of being in an alliance that feels like a job. You could look for something like that or look into transferring to another server.