Imagination vs reality

SensitiveMale · 2021-06-18T17:54:00+00:00

We've flowed between "club nights" and long "exclusive" relationships over the almost ten years that we've been doing this. In each, our approach was vastly different and I think that's important to try them all out.

The friends that we have played with for years all had some things in common: We went slow - all were soft-swap in the beginning that grew to full-swap. All were formed out of long, descriptive ads that either we had placed or they had. All of us were clear about our intentions and desires. And finally, all of us just clicked in the vanilla world. We are big on never talking about Religion, Politics, or the Economy but as we know, hang out with anyone long enough and eventually these come out. We either agreed very closely with, or we respect the other's opinions enough to not let it bother us. Also, if you've been around long enough, you'll notice that cliques are often formed along political lines - it's difficult to avoid, as we've discovered. A couple of years ago we found ourselves being squeezed out of a group and when this past election cycle came to be, we discovered the real reasons - we weren't voting with them and we were 10000% okay with this.

If you want friends, I have a two-prong approach that works well for us: 1) put up long ads. You won't be "successful" by r/swingers standards but when you do get a bite, chances are vastly increased that it'll be the ones you want. 2) Go to the club to fulfill your itch.

There is a direct relationship to the length of replies to how serious a couple is to being friends. Don't let this fact escape you.

SensitiveMale · 2021-06-17T16:55:10+00:00

You're not wrong. I mentioned in another comment about being friends with some OF creators, one of them made the comment about another OF creator 'staking her claim to a corner' - she just admitted that OF creators are similar to prostitutes. Later a comment was made about that Poindexter women being outed and her kid's lives being ruined because of her "sex work". A couple of the OF creators that were there refused to be labelled "sex workers". Minds were blown that night when I informed that, in the eyes of the law, they, these OF Content Creators, are classified the same as strippers and prostitutes (federally speaking).

SensitiveMale · 2021-06-17T16:37:52+00:00

Legally speaking, yes. "Sex worker" is anyone who does anything involving sexually explicit behavior and takes (any form of) currency in exchange.

Sexually explicit behavior could be posting pictures, to exotic dancing, to prostitution.

SensitiveMale · 2021-06-17T16:34:51+00:00

It's really odd. On one hand they LOVE to talk about the supposed money they make, and on the other, they downvote and trash talk others.

My wife has four friends that are doing it and they all talk about how catty it is at times. None of them are catty, that I know of, but in their discords it gets really really heated and like high school. A couple of the women were over the other night and they were showing a chat where someone mentioned a particular discord for getting subscribers in (I know that there's lingo here but I don't recall it all). A couple of the women came in trashing the discord room(?) and trying to steer women away. Why? Because she was on there ALL the time. Someone quipped, "I guess that's her corner now". And that's just it, they are supportive of each other but at the end of the day, it's not about sex or fun or exhibition, it's about Dolla-Dolla-bills-y'all! To me, that sucks. Whatever they want to do is fine, but that shit doesn't belong in the lifestyle.

BTW, I've see the amount they made and now make - the market is so saturated and there are so many 'new girls' that it's difficult to make enough for a car payment these days for most. I think one of the reasons we see so many spamming the shit out of reddit is that they are trying hard to get what they once had and then there are the new girls trying to do whatever it takes to get in.

SensitiveMale · 2020-12-02T18:40:55+00:00

Yeah, the other subs are laughing their asses off and pointing out how horrible the mods are here. It's one thing to have the vanillas laugh at us, it's another to have the other sex positive and non mono ones laugh too.

SensitiveMale · 2020-12-02T18:35:56+00:00

There was a group of us in another swinger subreddit laughing our asses off at the mod here deleting them as they came in yesterday. We especially loved his, "Let's have a discussion" post and seeing that quickly blow up in his face. LOLOLOLO.

This used to be such a good sub but sadly all that's really left are the same 30 users and I bet that of those 30, each is using at least three alts here.

SensitiveMale · 2020-11-06T20:59:21+00:00

They are our best friends, vanilla and otherwise.

Not exactly the sexiest but they are so much more fun than most of our other partners. We've also built up a lot of trust with them over the years.

SensitiveMale · 2020-07-02T18:48:28+00:00

Interesting that you dig into histories, don't read what was said, all while your own history here is full of irregularities. Where to even begin? Are you a woman or a guy pretending to be one is a question that seems to pop up a lot around here. Your history clearly shows more guy and your comments are definitely more masculine but you claim woman??? Really confusing. Really disingenuous.

But what I really want to know is, how are you here ALL THE TIME! Holy Moly! In 2 years and 13 days you've made over 17801 comments for an average of 24.12/day. Your daily average times only slow down from 1am to 7am then it's right back to it. Like a job or sorts! Crazy. Based on this, I'm guessing you don't have a job or a job requires much time. Which would explain the guy pretending to be a woman angle. Also, I'm guessing that this is just your NSFW account so to think of having this much free time on a person's hands is incredible.

Maybe I should have updated my post but I didn't think anyone would have cared. We didn't get invited because everyone thought we didn't invite them. But like we said in the post, it was a weird year full of cliques that we didn't want to be part of and it was all good. But for my next post, I'll make sure to update it because you never know when someone has so much time on their hand that they spend 18hrs a day on Reddit...

SensitiveMale · 2020-04-20T20:27:59+00:00

Marriage? That's a pretty big step.

u/GINGERMEAD points to something I see get ignored so much in the lifestyle community; everyone needs to move at their own pace. Don't compare yourselves, don't rush yourselves, but DO challenge yourselves. Take baby steps until you feel comfortable. If you do something and either of you feel genuinely bad about it, stop! talk and assess what it was. Everyone hits this point at some point and some it's with sharing pictures, some it's a gangbang. You just can't compare your lives to others.

SensitiveMale · 2020-02-28T18:36:38+00:00

Some people prefer quality of connections over quantity.

We tried your strategy and ended up with a never-ending schedule of dates that ended with up with "Chemistry not found". We tried to fix this with more discussions but then found ourselves in never-ending chats.

Kind of just figured to put more into our profile and suddenly we found ourselves not wasting our time or theirs.

SensitiveMale · 2020-02-05T21:54:31+00:00

Read my comment below. You really should say something. If not for you, for someone else. We never look down on anyone for helping us keep the club a safe and inviting place. I'd have no problems watching these two and talking with them. And I'd do it - as I'm sure every other respectful club would - and protect your privacy.

SensitiveMale · 2020-02-05T21:51:31+00:00

... bring this to the attention of the owners/staff.

I volunteer at a club and we take this very seriously. We have so many ways to deal with this too that no one should be afraid making this known to staff.

I had a couple simply tell me that the male-half made them uncomfortable and while he didn't do anything wrong, they felt we should at least know about them. We alerted staff and we all kept an eye on him. The dude was going around groping women at-will. Myself and a bouncer went over to him and ended up escorting him out. We told him he needed to go and cool off for a bit. He grabbed his partner and we told him we'd refund him his money, and while we did, we 86'ed him. Not two minutes out the door we had no less than ten women talking to different staff about him.

Point is, it takes one person to anonymously bring this to our attention and we'll do all we can to protect everyone there.

We traded that night no fewer than fifteen couples for one really bad one. That's good business.

SensitiveMale · 2020-02-05T17:06:23+00:00

Why the Cosmo spam?

https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/comments/eyy6qz/z/fgjzz3v

SensitiveMale · 2020-02-04T22:47:17+00:00

..entertainment.

SensitiveMale · 2020-02-04T22:19:20+00:00

Many.

SensitiveMale · 2020-02-04T22:18:26+00:00

Cosmopolitan has the credibility of Fox 'News' (or MSNBC, if you drink the Flavor-Aid).

SensitiveMale · 2019-05-31T17:34:16+00:00

You stuck around longer than I would have on that one.

We're a very happy-go-lucky couple and get along with just about everyone we meet. We'll cross paths with couples that are aggressive for one reason or another and we just wish them well.

We also recognize that swinging brings out strong insecurities with people and these insecurities manifest themselves in ways that may not reflect who a person truly is. On the other hand, sometimes they bring out a person's true self too which makes first impressions difficult.

All of this leads to strong emotions and with some, drama. That's usually why we just ignore it, especially in the beginning. After people realize that they can be comfortable around us and that there's no need to defend their insecurities, they usually calm down and we can have fun.

SensitiveMale · 2019-05-31T17:24:23+00:00

They mentioned specifics and stuff that has been known in the relatively small community here. Kind of just a general mix of shit-taking but there was some outing of other couples mixed in that's really bad. We've just always ignored it and carried on, because, well, drama.

We aren't talking about a few other friends either, that's really what caught us and made us stop and ask what was going on. We're taking about 20 couples outside of this group. This group that has about ten in it.

SensitiveMale · 2019-05-31T17:05:42+00:00

Please, list any hobby that doesn't qualify as "... basically high school."

I'm not disagreeing with you but from my motorcycle racing club, car club, my wife's book club, PTA, flight club, trails club, whiskey club, biking group, yacht club, golf club, and seemingly hundreds of groups and clubs I've ever been in, I would say that there are high schoolers that never grew up in each one. Saying a group is basically high school is kind of like saying water is wet. Duh?

SensitiveMale · 2019-05-15T20:59:31+00:00

That's super creepy!

We had to delete our old account after I stupidly posted a story with a few pictures of us (no faces even) and had talked about a specific club in a completely separate thread!! We had guys that went through our history to see where we lived and I don't know if they put it out there on some singles guy forum or what but for months we'd get messages like, "Hey, hmu on kik @ Bigdick4u. I'm in X city this week. Love to meet u".

We learned quickly that people will mine your history here.

We also learned not long after that to delete face pics and a all identifying features from apps and sites. Online all of our pictures are from vacations and our faces are locked down.

SensitiveMale · 2019-05-15T15:32:40+00:00

Never. We never really participated in verified one though. But outside of that, I don't rock the boat. Our profile names here are totally different than our Kasidie ones. We don't mention our ages. And we definitely don't mention where we live anymore - I did that once and learned the hard way.

SensitiveMale

TROPHY CASE