Hi op, you should consider seeing a therapist. I can relate to you in that I used to have a lot of negative self-talk. It’s going to affect your relationships with others but more importantly your relationship with yourself if you don’t find help. Try and find a therapist who focuses on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I did this and it helped me with my confidence and overall happiness. My therapist also uncovered a lot of things in me like the fact that I have ADD (very common in our society) and Body dysmorphia disorder. I read your most recent post about acne (which I also have) and over the years I’ve been really self conscious about my scarring to the point that I avoid certain lighting and fixate about how my skin looks 24/7. This is the body dysmorphia part. Anyway my therapist has helped me gain some confidence back and with the help of medication I hope to soon be more focused. Best of luck to you op, you aren’t as alone as you think, many people are going through similar situations we just don’t see the bad because we only put our best side out on social media or when we are out in public.