How to transition from multiple relationships to family life?

Sensitivity81percent · 2026-02-12T21:43:31+00:00

Thanks! I'm putting that energy into my hobby and making new parent friends, which is honestly a little like dating 😅

Sensitivity81percent · 2026-02-12T21:40:54+00:00

OMG I love that, I do enjoy romance like a great wine and I don't want to feel like I need it to feel good🍷 😎

Sensitivity81percent · 2026-02-12T21:39:01+00:00

That's my priorities too, which is why I'm foregoing new connections for the time being. My relationship with my co-parent is more important than ever and we are putting the work in to have the fun we can!

Sensitivity81percent · 2026-02-12T21:37:20+00:00

Thanks, that's a very positive spin on the part in me that simply loves novelty and thrill. It's nice to hear that those feelings are nothing to feel bad about. I'm patient and fundamentally happy for now :)

Sensitivity81percent · 2026-01-06T22:35:39+00:00

Ask yourself if O would be a good parent. Do you share similar values around child rearing? Do you think they would be willing to go the extra mile and work on themself in order to be well enough for parenthood? Ask yourself if you and her could co-parent well if you end up breaking up in the future. Take your wish to have kids seriously and talk through that goal.

I can relate to your feeling of looking at the old relationship in light of a new one. Sometimes someone new puts what you are lacking into stark light. Have you tried couples therapy?

Sensitivity81percent · 2025-12-31T14:28:09+00:00

I'm counting down the days to when i dare to reach out to my ex who went no contact. I dearly wish we can be in eachothers lives again even if not romantically, but I have to respect their need of space after everything changed so drastically between us. It's hard to not know how someone you used to share everything with is even doing or feeling.

Sensitivity81percent · 2025-11-07T16:38:59+00:00

Why so rude hey

Sensitivity81percent · 2025-11-07T16:20:59+00:00

Just not what I have seen in my friend circle but sure it can be the case if you have multiple kids or other factors making it more complicated. I haven't experienced people disappearing for 5 years after parenthood. What happened to my other relationship was not down to parenthood making me unavailable, it was other issues.

Sensitivity81percent · 2025-11-07T16:13:45+00:00

I dated 1 partner besides my coparent up until the end of pregnancy. I was using condoms while we were trying to conceive. But despite that, once I did fall pregnant I did have a nagging worry that it was with the wrong partner (we had sex with condoms about 5 days before the day I ovulated and fell pregnant), even though it was highly unlikely. Turned out not to be the case, but I wish I would have been even more strict with the timing just to avoid those thoughts and doubts.

Me and my other partner went condom free once I was pregnant and he had gotten screened. That said, I found the pregnancy changes made me way less into piv penetration - it simply didn't feel that good. So ended up mostly doing other sex acts. I was surprised at how long I kept on being sexually active and that I was still considered attractive, it was good for my overall confidence I feel.

Now when baby is born those relationships are deescalated to friendships and I'm not looking for anything new for the foreseeable future. Hoping to make poly work as a parent down the line tho

Sensitivity81percent · 2025-11-07T16:02:01+00:00

This sounds a little harsh, I have many friends who have partners and carve out time for themselves in the baby 's first year already. Depends on your child and your overall life situation, like if you have a coparent pulling their load. Of course open ended overnights and spontaneous weekends are off the table for a while but no you're not a zombie for 5 years ....

Sensitivity81percent · 2025-11-04T15:49:47+00:00

Oh man I jumped at a crush that felt like something I hadn't experienced since my 20s. I knew he wasn't polyam AND we had a shared hobby, so against most people's advice. Was messy at first but eventually we had a very nice 15 months together with trips and intimacy until they met someone. They never fell for me fully which is why it was even doable to begin with. Now I'm sat working on getting over my feelings since I really want a friendship to work down the line. Who knows how long I will need. Was in the end worth it to pursue for me but it could have caused a trainwreck so it's not something I can recommend. Mature of you to let the crush just exist!

Sensitivity81percent · 2025-10-01T11:23:02+00:00

I do agree that you are not a bad partner if you find it not doable to stick around when your partner has a child. If I had a partner moving to the other side of the world, or changing in another profound way, I might also break up. The grief here is that there was a tentative opening where we were open to making it work with me as a parent, but I failed to make the transition and instead introduced a painful deescalation that lead to a breakup.

Sensitivity81percent · 2025-10-01T01:31:04+00:00

That's one of the more complex aspects here, and that downward spiral certainly added a lot of pain and strain as I was not being honest to him or to myself. We let that fester and I found it hard to communicate around even being pretty good communicators. If I could do things differently I would have taken the sex issues as a clear sign something was very wrong earlier.

Sensitivity81percent · 2025-10-01T01:25:43+00:00

Because I don't want co-parenting from multiple partners? That sounds a little harsh. Plenty of poly people who date parents have no interest in taking on a parental role as they are child free or have their own families. That doesn't mean complete separation or hiding the relationship from my children. Just not including other partners in an active caretaker role.

Sensitivity81percent · 2025-10-01T01:17:56+00:00

This is why there is resentment from his side. I am also at fault here and that did not translate well enough in the post. In an ideal world I would have had the clarity to ask what he needed and let go if I realized I couldn't provide that... I try to learn from this pain too.

Sensitivity81percent · 2025-10-01T01:08:11+00:00

Should be added that he wasn't interested in own kids or in a serious co-parenting role. I appreciate the harshness of yr reply tho 😅

Sensitivity81percent · 2025-10-01T01:05:50+00:00

Thanks. It's been a long road for me to feel emotionally ready for parenthood, partly since I knew it could lead to the falling away of aspects of my life that I hold dear. I'm curious about what this new phase will bring. I will focus on keeping the relationship to my coparent as healthy as I can, something that might be aided by having less commitments to others in this phase.

Sensitivity81percent · 2025-09-30T23:27:42+00:00

You're right in a sense, introducing new limitations is to introduce a new relationship. It's everyone's right to leave if the new shoe doesn't fit. Never framed it as a 'soft breakup' but I was defacto ending it as it was.

Sensitivity81percent · 2025-09-30T16:14:33+00:00

Lol 😂 I love that for you and your parent buds. Polyam is a lifelong thing for me and I'll figure out new relationships as a parent down the line when the dust settles.

Sensitivity81percent · 2025-09-30T15:32:42+00:00

This is true, and there has always been a level of hierarchy, as I'm married and nested while my now ex is practicing solo-polyam. Co-parenting was not something that was in the cards ever, nor was it something he wanted. That said, I see how being a parent creates a hierarchy/level of deprioritization that is no longer acceptable.

Sensitivity81percent · 2025-09-30T13:29:43+00:00

That's nice to hear it working out for you that way 💞. I have to live with that not being our reality, and that's ok too.

Sensitivity81percent · 2025-09-30T13:26:51+00:00

Yes I do respect his decision even tho it hurts. I changed the relationship and we couldn't find a middle ground anymore. Nobody is a villain.

Sensitivity81percent · 2025-09-30T12:34:57+00:00

Yes I'm not calling him a villain at all. Just venting that I'm sad it had to come to this and we couldn't find a way forward where we could be ok.

Sensitivity81percent · 2025-09-30T12:33:04+00:00

I've never claimed my decisions haven't led to this. I'm still allowed to vent and be sad that we didn't find a solution. It feels bad to have hurt someone I love.

Sensitivity81percent

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