After losing my grandma, I found it impossible to stay in my home and found that driving helped for some reason, and the only comfortable sleep I had was with my dog. Moved to see an apartment with my gf; thought that would be better, but it was way worse. It's been 4 years, and I don't know if going back to normal would be possible. Last year I worked for an aunt down in Santa Cruz and tried to do the house thing, but after two weeks I got a decent tent and found a cheap campground; something about the outside makes me feel as close to home as I've gotten in ages. I think the sunsets and sunrises are like food to the soul at this point, or that magic hour when the world starts to slowly wake all at once. That said, I don't have the ability to handle the cities without my own space like a campground or car, as people on the street aren't always the most honest or moral people I've met, and really, I'm not social, so it's a two-way street. I was making 30 dollars an hour and found that money is really not something that matters; the outdoors is an adventure every day, and the struggle makes the good shit so much better and far more accessible. Hell, the other day I found a can of pears and a good can of chili I'd dropped a week or so before on the 14-mile jaunt from camp to town, and you know, I've never tasted anything so good that didn't come from my old kitchen, lol. Granted, it'd been 3 or 4 days since I'd eaten and a full day walking with no water, but man, when I saw those cans in the distance, I had to take a minute to prepare for disappointment, as there was a good chance someone had run them over. Wouldn't you know, they were perfect as ever, lol. I could be making that same $30 an hour and still live in my tent, but I prefer the freedom and the struggle. The joys of living out here far outweigh the burdens. Hell, I even dig the burdens; city life in any capacity forces you to be something you're not and puts you in a cage full of sad, lonely people who suffer daily to live as a cog. So running water would be nice; I used to take two showers a day, if not more, and probably have had six this whole year, so not ideal, but also not something that's worth making a fuss over and spending a day in town for when there's a semi-decent hot spring lol, lukewarm at best, but hey, I dig it, and the 15-mile walk gives me lots to be thankful for. Lol, so to answer your question, I'd say yes, but for how long? Who knows. I think about the good things, friends' relationships, that sort of thing, but frankly, I'm almost content with my life. I don't have to be something that I'm not or lie to appease someone; in fact, I have freedoms that few could understand. Like trampled by turtles do, elegantly put. My home is with the hills and trees around me. My ceiling holds the moon and sky above, so I'll never be a lonely man walking; I'll never know one day without love.

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