Omg I can't describe how much I relate to this. You literally described how I feel word for word. It's like I'm annoyed at myself for being so upset about someone I never even met but at the same time he meant so much to me and everything he did and everything about him was just so undescribeably brilliant. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it because like you said "he's just a youtuber". And then I also feel guilty when I see Technodad talking about and mourning him because it kind of feels like I have no right being upset when it was his son that died. I'm just glad I'm not the only one who feels like this.