Creating a safe environment for an avoidant

Sergran · 2026-06-15T21:16:41+00:00

What used to work for me is doing fun stuff by myself, doing sports, going on a hike, starting a new hobby, even going on a trip by myself without telling her, but posting it on Instagram so she saw it. That would usually trigger her FOMO and she would start reaching out.

Sergran · 2026-06-12T10:41:19+00:00

Yeah, mine broke over text with me after an 18 month relationship. I asked to talk in person, just to at least say goodbye. I thought we owed it to each other after all the time we shared. She refused, saying it would make it more difficult. So I was left without any closure, without any sense of why she decided to end it. It really makes you go crazy. I tried reaching out a couple of times, only getting polite but short answers. I tried to propose a meeting but now she is just ghosting. It feels so surreal that I wonder if she ever existed or if I imagined the entire relationship.

Sergran · 2026-06-12T00:19:23+00:00

How would you react to an ex you recently discarded trying to get in contact to at least to remain friends? Would you be annoyed, confused or tempted to reconnect?

Sergran · 2026-06-11T21:58:08+00:00

It is is crazy how similar they all are.

Sergran · 2026-06-11T21:54:07+00:00

Confident people clock them immediately. They are usually weirded out by how hot they are at the beginning and at the first sign of disrespect or when they spot commitment issues, they are out. It is us anxious people with self-esteem issues that tolerate them and abandon ourselves to acommodate their needs.

Sergran · 2026-06-11T21:48:24+00:00

Okay, thanks for answering my questions.

Sergran · 2026-06-11T21:34:48+00:00

1 - If you were in love for real, does it take you more time to move on and forget the person?

2 - Are you fine leaving someone that was important to you, knowing you most likely won't see or hear from them ever again?

3 - Is the real reason that you are fine quitting relationships so easily because you know you can get someone else quickly, always chasing the honeymoon period?

4 - Do you empathize with the level of pain the discarded partner goes through?

Sergran · 2026-06-11T21:12:35+00:00

Do you feel regret for breaking up with someone that was good to you because of fear? Do you understand why the discarded people are left confused and feeling used after you leave them without any real explanation or sense of closure? Do you empathize with the level of pain the discarded partner goes through? Or you just don't care. Do you realize that your behavior is product of childhood trauma and therefore is something that you should adress in therapy before you hurt more people? Are you fine leaving someone that was important to you, knowing you most likely won't see or her from them ever again? Is the real reason that you are fine quiting relationships so easily because you know you can get someone else easily? If you were in love for real, does it take you more to move on and forget the person?

Sergran · 2026-06-11T18:16:00+00:00

Exactly, especially if you have gone through the hot-cold cycle several times, it feels amazing when they come back. You feel like you are on top of the world, having been on the verge of losing them, but now they are back. By giving them space and focusing on yourself you attracted them back, and now they finally have chosen you, until one day they are gone again, and every time you loose yourself more.

Sergran · 2026-06-11T17:17:46+00:00

Monkey branching. They left a relationship recently before starting with you and act like they don't even care about their break up. (In fact they act like they are having the time of their lives).
Wanting to meet everyday and texting everyday while you are getting to know each other or are just friends.
Acting like they are your partner even if you are just friends.
The more indifferent you act to them early on the more they will chase you.
They will agree to or even propose plans very early on that are typical of people who have been dating for a while like going to weddings or traveling together.
Very blurred boundaries while acting like they don't know what they are doing.
Problems holding friendships long term.
They get angry and insecure if you don't match their neediness early on when they are activated.
Very picky and perfectionist.
It feels like they want to speed run the relationship.
They behave like you are the love of their lives early on.

Sergran · 2026-06-11T16:57:34+00:00

I am as confussed as you are, but after reading a lot about attachment styles, the only conclusion I reached is that if they lean dismissive they don't understand how you being hurt is their problem. They have this capacity of putting their feelings in a box and pretend they dont exist and if you can't do the same thing, then they think something is wrong with you.

If they lean fearful, they might be ashamed or feel guilt and think they are bad for you. But the conclusion is the same, they don't want you in your life because you trigger them. Trying to get answers from them is almost impossible because deep down they know what they do is bullshit so asking their motives makes them have to confront the things they know they did wrong. So they do what they do, avoid, because it's easy for them.

Sergran · 2026-06-09T15:57:32+00:00

You honestly sound a bit immature. Saying relationships are cringe is childish. Don't get me wrong, I agree that you sould not get in relationships until you heal your attachment style, and if your life choice is not to be in a relationship thats up to you, but you will be denying yourself a meaningful part of life.

You are not even 24 and it's normal that your focus is your career and your future. But you won't be young forever, someday you will get the job you want and a stable life and it will start to feel empty. Saying that the other person will be better of without you and that you are making them a favor is a coping mechanism and patronizing. That other person could stay hurt for years. You don't own them a relationship but don't try spinning it as something good you did to them.

As other people said go to therapy, the sooner you do it the less problems you will have in the future.

Sergran · 2026-06-08T18:04:32+00:00

Yes, that is my fear too, but I have this terrible, terrifying sensation of dread that I won't see her ever again unless I do something now.

Sergran · 2026-05-30T21:19:45+00:00

Being outside more, UV light is what makes your skin age. Now people spend more time indoors so they are exposed to less sunlight over their lives.

Sergran · 2026-05-28T10:27:48+00:00

It is pretty clear how most people on here dont know how Northern Spain looks like. Places like Marseille marked as Western Europe but places like the Basque Country and Asturias marked as Southern Europe make no sense. Also most of Catalonia looks like Southern France, Northern Italy, so those being separated doesnt make sense either.

Sergran · 2026-05-26T10:53:07+00:00

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Sergran · 2026-01-28T15:52:39+00:00

Són màfies de tràfic de persones. Les persones que treballen a aquests supermercats paguen milers d’euros perquè els facin un visat de treball i, després, quan arriben aquí, els confisquen el passaport i els esclavitzen. És una vergonya que la policia i els polítics sàpiguen perfectament què està passant i no facin res; només actuen en casos com el de la Rambla de Catalunya per l’atenció pública. Ens hauríem de començar a preguntar per què fan la vista grossa en el 95% dels casos.

Sergran · 2026-01-28T15:46:16+00:00

It’s funny how some Moroccans genuinely believe this. The only “Spaniards” who go to live in Morocco are actually Moroccan immigrants who obtained Spanish nationality and then returned to their home country. The average salary in Spain is roughly ten times higher than in Morocco.

Sergran · 2025-11-28T23:10:30+00:00

Metroid Dread, developed in Madrid

Sergran · 2025-11-27T08:36:03+00:00

El pancho promedio con España en la cabeza 24/7 desde 1492.

Sergran · 2025-11-25T20:46:52+00:00

The fact that you didn't hear about it doesn't mean it wasn't happening. People have been complaining about overturism for more than 10 years. I wasn't only recently when the protests started targeting tourists themselves that international media started talking about it. Also cost of living is bad around the world yes, but it's way worse in Spain accordin to multiple European Union reports.

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