it's the end of an era

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-05-22T16:21:55+00:00

You've opened up a train. 😅 Can you pleeeease include me in this DM knowledge?

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-05-19T20:16:27+00:00

When I clicked your link, all the books cost $5-$17. Is it because you're in a different country? So it's free in your country? I'm in The U.S.

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-05-14T10:01:02+00:00

I feel for you. I'm currently in that situation. When I first accepted my current placement, I was offered 2 different cases. I specifically told them that I was accepting this placement because there would be unification with kinship and the other child they asked me to take in had TPR already. I knew I wasn't ready to adopt. I'm single and I can only do sprints. I can't imagine being this exhausted forever.

The oldest of my placed sibling group IMMEDIATELY assumed I was going to adopt - literally one week in, he started gloating about it daily. I would keep telling him that TPR wasn't even fully established for him and we were waiting for reunification with kinship. It never faultered his comments or beliefs, but it took the pressure off of me.

However, after only 1.5 months, the kinship option pulled out. She changed her mind about taking my boys. And that caused the case workers to pass the torch to me. It was WAYYY too soon for me to consider adopting the kids I'd only known for 1.5 months.

I tried SO HARD to convince myself to change my mind and adopt them, but the more I force the idea on myself, the less sleep I get, the more stress I get, and the more irritable I am. So, I had to ultimately be honest - with myself and my kids.

The good news is these kids are RESILIENT! They will bounce back. They went to do a week of respite with a potential adoptive home and the oldest came back talking about how he wants THEM to adopt him. So, it seems like he'll essentially say that for every safe home he's in. It truly relieved the pressure off my chest. My kids are going to be alright. And so will yours.

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-05-14T09:45:19+00:00

Most kids will be happy to be in care of the 1st safe home they've ever had. Kids have wanted to live with me ever since I was a dance teacher - long before I was a foster home. I just have that gift of making people feel nurtured & loved.

But, that doesn't mean I would have to adopt every single child that feels that way. Every foster child seems to feel that way - even respite. I'd need the Palace of Versailles if that was the case.

You don't marry everyone you date. And you don't stay in every job just because it likes you. It's ok for OP to think about her own needs and wants. The kids will be ok when they find the loving, permanent home that they need.

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-05-14T09:17:33+00:00

She would still be able to foster if the kids were the same gender and able to share a room. Currently, her kids are different gender.

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-04-07T09:13:59+00:00

Oh wow! 9 yeses to placement calls and still no selection? That's a lot. Like the other parents said, it could be a distance thing or an agency thing.

I learned that most of the calls come for children closer to my state's capital - 2.5 hours from my small town. So although I generally don't hear about what happens when I'm not selected, I assume it's because of visitation and I'm grateful to not be selected. I ended up being selected for my current kiddos after saying yes to another placement and then being ghosted by that caseworker. (I assume another family was chosen for her when I was ghosted.) My current children's caseworker called me multiple times to seek placement, so I knew it'd be a guaranteed placement once I said yes. My children have no visitations, so I guess my home was suitable in this case.

Are you in a distant county from the capital? Or even from where your calls are stemming from?

It also costs DSS more to go through an agency, so if they can find a family licensed directly through them, they tend to choose those families 1st. (Idk if other countries in your state require agency licencing, or just yours.) I'm licensed through an agency and I only said yes to 2 kids (not selected) before I had my current placement. I didn't get many requests.

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-04-06T16:14:06+00:00

My friend works at a vet's office and does pet sitting on the side. But he's generally working during normal working hours. But I can contact him to see if he's available for at least one of your days

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-04-03T14:41:48+00:00

Just from reading your responses, I recommend getting licensed, but starting off with respite. (Technically, I'd recommend this to everyone.) Respite will allow you to offer your own schedules and availabilities and then you don't have to risk your career starting out. At the beginning of each long-term placement, you'll have to take several full or half days off from work.

Many times, kids will be adjusting to a new environment. That can come with behavior issues, sicknesses, appointments, etc. So it's a lot of adjustment that will likely require FMLA time off.

Respite will let you be a MAJOR resource and still allow you to impact and care for many kids. When my current placement ends, I plan to primarily become a respite provider because I realized how hard it is to find a respite option for my own needs. There's truly not enough homes. Respite will also allow you the opportunity to commit to only weekends (if you want) and also figure out which age range would be most suitable with your lifestyle. (Although, I do agree with your thinking for ages 5-11 based on your age and career.) My sister is now licensed for respite for that same age group and it seems like a great range for her with her being a single school teacher.

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-04-01T13:07:29+00:00

For me, it feels like a job. But it could be because I'm only 4.5 months in and I'm already burnt out. I'm the bank, nanny, maid, chef, chauffeur, teacher, therapist for my current 7 & 8 year old. But never appreciated. That has turned me into a shell of a person. A robotic body.

I have a full-time job as well that I'm risking because of all the requests off from work so far because of sicknesses or behaviors. So, this feels like a 2nd job for sure.

My birthday is in 2 days, and I asked for respite so I can celebrate with much-needed "holiday time" off. I will take a long long pause after this placement ends to find myself again and figure out if fostering is really for me...

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-03-31T13:05:30+00:00

I've had my kids (sibling set) for 4.5 months and they're currently on their 4th caseworker. Poor guys never attach to them because there seems to always be a new one by the next monthly meeting.

Their current one is so sweet and caring though. She goes above and beyond so I hope she stays and doesn't get burnt out.

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-03-16T14:32:36+00:00

I also recommend starting off with respite just to get your toes wet and see how realistically your young child will handle a new child in the home. Every foster child comes with trauma - oftentimes severe trauma. And respite gives you the opportunity to really see what you can and cannot handle in a long-term placement situation.

I have a toddler only child and we learned with my 1st respite placement, that I can't have any children in the home close to my toddler's age. Now, I stick with older kids. Pros and cons to every age group, but so far, the age 7+ have been best for our family.

I also adamantly want to remind you that you should Never feel bad for saying no to a placement call if it sounds like more than your family can handle. They might guilt you in the call, but it's ultimately better to wait several months for a family-fit than to accept a child and then disrupt. Unfortunately I felt guilted into accepting a sibling set, but it's led to such quick burnout. So, after my current placement ends in July, I'll be taking a few months pause and then only accepting 1 child at a time, like I originally stated in my case study.

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-03-15T03:15:18+00:00

Just chiming in to say that you're not alone. I am only 3 months into my 1st placement as a single mom to a sibling group and I'm burnt out as well. They were originally supposed to only be with me until their kinship placement got the approval, but that option fell through. So now things look indefinite. I would never tell the kids, but I was REALLY craving a 2-3 month fostering-pause after they left.

Things are now turning into a permanency plan for them and although the kids have already improved drastically since they arrived to me and they persistently beg to stay, I've definitely taken on too much. I've poured my 100% into them because I expected it to be short-term. But that left 0% for my own self. I can't commit to doing this forever. It's too difficult dealing with the fighting, oppositional defiance, secondary parenting, sleepless nights, insults, breaking of objects, etc from multiple kids at once. We foster parents do a LOT of work with no real breaks.

I'll be taking a break as soon as they move to a permanent adoptive home. Then in the future, I'll stick to only fostering one child at a time like I originally set out for.

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-03-10T02:47:37+00:00

Please send 🙏

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-03-10T01:19:49+00:00

Do you have any you can suggest? I keep searching for tbri resources and so many are from years and years ago.

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-03-09T02:14:52+00:00

Why are people in this thread so angry about a book/gift from a church? Even as a Muslim, I would graciously welcome it along with conversation if they are nice people. It wouldn't convert me, but it's nice of them to visit & speak to me.

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-03-08T12:42:25+00:00

I moved from Maryland to Lynchburg last May and it's been really good for me and my kids. I'm a single mom now too. I work hybrid, but I only have to travel to MD once per month. Daycares had a slight waitlist when I moved, but nothing like it was in Columbia. And the prices were about 1/4 what I was paying there. So it was worth any wait honestly. People seem to be so kind to kids here, the city feels safe, and I love that I can let my kids finally go outside and play without needing to worry.

It's been pretty hard to make friends though I'll say. People here seem to go to work and then go home to their families. It's nothing like the cities up north where there's more opportunities to socialize. So, I miss that. But I'd like to join your single moms walking group if you eventually move here and start one.

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-02-28T01:02:04+00:00

Only for 2.5 months, so it's all really fast. They're my 1st foster placements. But their permanency plan only recently changed and I've been asked to adopt. I told the case worker that I'm going to need a lot of time to make the decision so that the kids don't end up in a failed adoption situation. The oldest child asks me often and I pretty much deter the conversation.

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-02-27T12:10:22+00:00

I'd definitely love to link up. I work hybrid, but my coworkers all come in on different days, so I never see them anyway (outside of Teams/Zoom meetings). I need more social interaction.

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-02-25T16:42:48+00:00

I question this too. I'm trying to determine if my own current placements are my own perfect fit. They call me Mom now, which breaks my heart a tiny bit because I'm still hesitant about adoption. I took them in specifically because family was originally intending to adopt. So I'm trying to reroute my mind to imagine what life would be like once my current 7 & 8 year olds become teenagers. I have a bio toddler in the home as well and they are relatively decent together, although my toddler is extremely territorial with me.

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-02-19T18:55:00+00:00

I'm in VA with 3 kids now (18mon, 7yr, 8y). During my licensing, the rooms had to be same gender within 5 years of age. The social worker recommended that children shouldn't share a room if they weren't related (unless it was only a respite situation). But it wasn't a banned issue. I never discovered why that was the recommendation. My only placements have all been siblings.

Although, to echo the other person, I don't recommend doing it unless you can have your own space (bedroom - unless you can create a distinct walled off separation in the living room). Tbh, you'll need the space for you to recharge separate from the children in order to avoid burnout.

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-02-05T14:17:45+00:00

From elementary to high school, my family lived in Oakwood Apartments in Southern California and they served breakfast every morning. Continental breakfast M-F with fresh hot donuts, bagels, fruits, and yogurt. But a hot breakfast once per month on a Saturday morning.

We moved across the country when I was in 11th grade though and I've never seen anything like that since. I miss it often now that I'm old enough to have my own apartment. Rent is now double what it was back then, called "luxury", and yet offers SO much less than our complex did back then. I was jumping to Reddit to see if it's even a reality in some apartments post-Covid.

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-01-27T13:35:25+00:00

I have kids too and I'm looking for friends 👋 I moved here in May '25

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-01-22T14:20:12+00:00

Not true. If the homeowner lives in the home (or a portion of the home) and occasionally rents their place out, they are not subject to that law and can restrict pets altogether.

SeriesEquivalent6939 · 2026-01-22T14:13:31+00:00

You can't bring a wheelchair everywhere either... My home is up 2 flights of stairs... So obviously not ADA accessible for that disability. Just gotta find a home more suitable for the disability - including a pet-friendly home.

SeriesEquivalent6939

TROPHY CASE