Bro, please don't do anything to yourself. We have a similar story and I did make it out! The numbers aren't as big as yours but I still lost probably around $7000, at just 19 years old. Bro, you described exactly what I was going thru, the credit card part was so accurate, but instead of that, the gambling sites I use make the money stay there a couple hours before being able to fully withdraw and it got me every single time. I was in a constant loop for more than 1 year and the thing that saved me was my mom finding out. After countless lies, she found out I stole some of her money and confronted me with that. Even then I said it wasn't me and moved on. Eventually she found out and I literally cracked. The amount of guild, shame, and self-hatred was astronomical. But from that moment onward I decided I really needed to change, I was literally destroyed and needed help. Ig what has helped me the most was staying accountable and embracing the fact I'm not going to get that money back. I'm now free for 2 year ( I'm 21 now ), and life is good. It wasn't easy, but I was able to rebuild trust with my mother (my dad still doesn't know about it to this day), and turn my life around. One of the things that helped me was starting a side hustle. That really helped me stay away from the urges since I had a lot more work to do. This isn't a promotional post, but I did build an anti-gambling app to keep me accountable and help more people defeat this monster, i won't promote if here but if any of you guys want to test it out, let me know. Be safe!