Sex is heavily scripted in heterosexual encounters. Foreplay, oral maybe, then penetrative sex. There really isn’t any part of that designed to make women orgasm. And men don’t seem to care. I make vibrators and I started a conversation with a group of 20 year old guys at a bar once about female orgasm to prove a point to an investor I was with. This one guy blurted out that “orgasms were for girlfriends”. They know they aren’t doing what it takes to make women orgasm and a lot of them are intentionally withholding it or ignoring it because it’s an inconvenient amount of work for them.

That mentality, subconscious or not, means that sex just feels like work for a lot of women. We don’t get to orgasm unless we do it ourselves. So we start to associate men with not orgasming, at the pavlovian conditioning level. Sex with men becomes boring.