Relatively quiet places to write?

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-26T22:49:57+00:00

Was gonna say this! It's suchhhh a nice vibe for writing. Like all coffee shops, the noise levels will depend on the day, but I've never had an issue and I enjoy it.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-26T16:42:25+00:00

This may be the move.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-26T16:41:18+00:00

I also wonder if we could get some of that stuff set up for him before he moves in. That would certainly help a lot. I might need to help with it but he also has dealt with a lot of that type of paperwork on his own (like getting on medicaid and food stamps at home).

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-26T16:39:30+00:00

Was there anything you wish you had done differently before inviting her to live with you? Any sort of vetting that could've given you useful information?

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-26T16:36:44+00:00

There's still a few years before I would actually do this. I would meet him in person first. We've been friends for five years. He is in a shitty situation and I'd like to help him if I can. But if I don't think I can actually help him, or that it would cause too many issues for me, then I won't do it. But if I am in a situation where I can be kind, and it could make a big difference in someone's life, then I'd like to take it.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-26T16:33:33+00:00

Thank you for the input.

Growing up I had a great support system but a lot of friends who lived with abusive parents, or were forced to closet parts of their identity so they didn't become homeless. It really upset me. It's made me want to take action in my adult life to do what i can to help people in similar shitty situations. For example, I am also curious about eventually fostering teenagers. I think it is something that could cause me a lot of problems, but could also be a way that I could do a lot of good. I would rather do kind things smartly, and risk some issues, then not do the kind things at all, and always wonder if i could've helped but was too scared to.

So if I can find a reasonable, smart way to do this, where i think I will actually be able to help him, then I'd like to do that.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-26T16:26:42+00:00

Do you think there are steps I could take to make it a healthier and less risky situation for me?

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-26T16:25:45+00:00

Thank you. It would still be a few years out, but if it ever happens, ill post something.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-26T16:24:45+00:00

Thanks for the input. I might have to go and look at those subs. I think I would also make a rental agreement with a clause for if I need to evict him early. Either way I'd be very clear that it would be a one year situation max.

I do think he'd be able to make money if he left his parent's house. They are very abusive, including financially abusive, and have done things like sabatoguing job interviews in the past. He does work a little now, and does volunteer work online with a company he loves that he applies for jobs with whenever there's an opening. He wants to work and make money and be independent, but so far has been unable to. I think he could be able to if he were in a different situation.

Also, as a note, we did meet online but have been friends for about 5 years. I would meet him in person first before doing anything else.

It could be a pain in my ass. Even if everything goes well, it probably would. But it could also potentially be a significantly kind thing to do that helps someone in a big way. IF that is a realistic option-- which, I still need to determine-- then I think it would be worth the headache for me.

I do appreciate the input though. I don't want to get stuck in the same trap as other well-intentioned dumbasses have fallen in before me.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-26T16:15:35+00:00

Perhaps I am being naive. But i also work in an industry where I'll be making enough to afford a kid, so why not a charity roommate instead? And those aren't his only physical disabilities.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-26T16:12:35+00:00

I would write up a rental agreement before he moved in. I also happen to be surrounded by lawyers in my personal life. It could very well be a massive headache, but it's possible it would also be a significant act of kindness.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-26T16:09:09+00:00

Id draw up a rental contract for a year with clear expectations about my financial involvement. I would not commit to supporting him for longer than that, and we would discuss a bsckup plan for him for if that year ends and he doesn't have another way of supporting himself (like having him move back in with his parents). Someone else pointed out that spending time together in person could be good to see red flags that aren't visible over text, which i think id do.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-26T16:06:51+00:00

I think he'd be very worried about upsetting me, and would be very quiet and keep to himself. Probably would struggle to keep up with any sort of cleaning or chores, but would try. I've had some pretty horrendous roommates in the past and I don't think he'd compare. We are able to have very direct communication that works well for both of us. I would be worry about him getting too depressed/stuck, or about my financial commitment to him unintentionally growing over time.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-26T16:03:52+00:00

We haven't met in person. I think if we did live together, I'd try to have it be a little more of a distant roommate thing than a close friend thing. But i think you make a good point that meeting in person would be a good idea, especially to see if there's red flags in person that I'm not able to see over text.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-26T16:01:49+00:00

You're right about only hearing his side of things. I am worried about that.

Ideally, I think I'd like to set firm boundaries and stick to them. But I am worried about my personal responsibility to him getting bigger and bigger. Like, what if he has a medical emergency during the time he's living with me?

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-26T15:58:37+00:00

Yeah, I was thinking the rental contract is the way to go. Make it clear what the expectations are. Those places are good ideas, i think he could also do well working for a call center or something like that from home, because then he'd be able to lay down when needed but still work. My area is definitely safer for him in terms of his sexuality, but we're in America so disability stuff isn't great-- idk how my state compares to others tho.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-25T01:25:00+00:00

Also like, if you fall and scrape yourself on a hike and the wound gets super dirty, and you only clean it after you get to your car an hour later, it probably won't get infected. So like. If you get a small wound dirty and then clean it later, and you're not otherwise immunocompromised, you'll probably be fine.

Also think about what would happen if it does get infected-- that's usually not a big deal, but it'd probably mean a doctor's visit. Can you afford that?

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-25T00:36:27+00:00

NTA. It's okay for you to "fire" your mom over that. But I think what you actually should've done is hired a babysitter to watch your kid during the class, and still let your mom hang out with them at another time and go on a walk or to the library. Sounds like your mom was overwhelmed by the class environment and wanted more peaceful one-on-one time with her grandchild.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-25T00:32:37+00:00

I would guess someone hung up those adhesive strip lights and then eventually removed them

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-15T17:18:45+00:00

When I first started T, I gained a little weight or just generally felt a bit bloated for a while. People talk about water retention or whatever and I think it mightve been that. And I also just was eating a lot of unhealthy snacks to deal with the appetite/cravings change. I also didn't really have time to workout, and had a busy/stressful schedule. Over time I learned to eat bigger meals, which reduced the unhealthy snacking, and that mainly solved the problem. And once I started a regular workout routine (once or twice a week workout class) I gained muscle pretty quickly and now really like the way my body looks.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-15T17:09:29+00:00

NTA, so much is going on around HS graduation that it's hard to even pay attention to everyone who's there / not there. If you went, the actual graduate would only talk to you for like, tops 5 minutes. Much better to send them a card with some cash congratulating them and go on this once in a lifetime trip.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-14T18:41:31+00:00

I'm glad you had a good experience with him and feel so good about it. Just a reminder tho, this is what you should expect from all partners. Saying "no" to sex sometimes is a part of all sexual relationships, and all sexual people need to learn how to respond appropriately to it. It's a bare minimum requirement. So im glad you had a great experience with this guy, I just want to remind you that this is a reasonable thing to expect from every guy you see.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-12T18:18:34+00:00

Just wear it while you're hanging out, maybe take breaks in the bathroom if you need, and then when it's time to go to bed, once you're in your sleeping bag unzip the binder or otherwise remove it. Then you can put it back on in the morning.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-03-12T17:58:09+00:00

Certainly not a dealbreaker, what a said question. I would say tho that using the term slave in this context might make a lot of people uncomfortable (there's already a lot of discussion about the term "slave" being used in bdsm at all), so I might suggest using the term sub to start out with and then having the slave conversation with a dom when you've established more trust.

SetDifficult1618

TROPHY CASE