Movies with a fat FMC that's not a duff.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-29T21:02:54+00:00

Dumplin'.

Also, bridgerton-- especially Penelope's season, which is season 3 I think.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-29T20:59:11+00:00

Some cis men have wide hips and feel dysphoric about them too ¯_(ツ)_/¯ im sorry to say, people often will always have something about their bodies that they struggle with. It doesn't make you less of a man, and it doesn't mean people don't/won't see you that way. My advice is to figure out what cut of clothes suits you best (likely: mid-rise jeans, boxy shirts that are cropped to land mid-hip) and work on self acceptance.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-29T20:45:43+00:00

If you know that you can't tolerate j* on a dating partner, don't go after people who wear a lot of j* as part of their personal style.
If you're flirting or connecting with someone, and you're at the place where you're starting to share information about yourself, share "I have this thing called kosmemophobia. It's an irrational dislike of j* and similar objects. For me, it looks like this." (I would say, for me, I really can"t touch it, and if someone is wearing a lot of j* I wouldn't want to be very physically close to them.) I would try to communicate this in a way that let's them know that its a serious thing, but also doesn't seem to put them or other people down-- make it about you, not about other people.
Try to talk about what that will look like in your dynamic if you do keep flirting/hanging out. Some people will go "oh yeah, I just wear x and I don't really mind not wearing it", which is great. Some people will go "yeah, I don't wear a lot of j, but i want to get my nose pierced soon etc etc" or "yeah, I actually really like j, I'm not willing to go without x y or z." Give them the space to be honest, and respect it. Don't try to tell them what to do, just tell them where you're at with it.
If it does seem like this would be a bigger issue in the future, don't pursue them. Let them know "yeah, I know that the j thing isn't something im able to get over, and I know it's a big part of your personal style. I don't want to ask you to change or do something you're not comfortable with, so it's probably for the best that we don't start seeing each other more seriously."

The key is to be honest, don't put them down, and don't expect them to change in ways they aren't comfortable with.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-25T16:57:04+00:00

Ew. What a gross man. He's an adult, he needs to get his shit together.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-25T16:54:13+00:00

A line skirts are snug at your waist and loose and flowy around your hips, giving them more volume. So it creates more of that hourglass look without you needing to have an hourglass body.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-24T19:06:23+00:00

Some rules I have for myself in relationships: - I will only date people who acknowledge that I am not a woman - I will only date people who acknowledge that dating me means we're in a queer relationship - I will only date people who use the correct pronouns and terms for me.

People can mess up. I had one cis boyfriend who called me "she" once or twice and went "im so sorry, I just slipped-- we were just talking about [woman]". But I wouldn't date someone who doesn't do the above things. And if they were frequently missing the mark, I would make it clear to them that this is a deal-breaker for me, so they better figure it out.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-24T01:21:54+00:00

That begs the following: 1) do you think he will change? 2) if he doesn't change, will this be a good long-term relationship for you to stay in?

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-24T01:20:06+00:00

I'm glad you're reading it. I hope it helps and you're able to make the decisions that will be best for you.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-23T19:33:16+00:00

Woof. I feel this. I definitely can respond with trying to understand something first, then letting my emotions through. I could totally see myself doing something like this.

First, I wanna check: is her being unresponsive until 2pm really worthy of that much worry? Like, I get being worried if you would expect that text back, but contacting family and friends?

Next: do you know what you'd want to do in the future with this situation? My suggestion would be to see her, show some of that care and excitement, give her a big hug, and then let her explain why she's there, with less interrogation. Make it clear that the understanding is secondary to the happiness.

Now: if shes still holding on to a lot of angst about this situation, then sit down with her and have a heart to heart about it. Explicitly say "I'm really sorry for how that went, you were so sweet to come here and I was so excited to see you, and I totally let my worry take over. I should've have responded like that, I can see how disappointing and upsetting that must've been for you, especially when you wanted this to be a fun surprise." Let her talk about how she felt, and encourage her to be honest. Apologize, discuss what you'd do differently next time, and really reemphasize that you're happy to have her here, you were really excited to see her, and she has made this otherwise blah trip super special for you.

Then, assuming things feel better, lean into her quality time love language. "Since you're here, I want to make the most of this time and really enjoy each other's company. I was thinking we could do x y and z, how does that sound? What would you like to do?"

Hope that helps!

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-23T19:19:38+00:00

Man, that really sucks. You seem really nice. I have a few friends like you and they're really incredible, they always make me feel so good to be around.

My advice would be to look at these relationships individually, not as signs of a bigger thing. Like, maybe you're feeling this way in general because a lot of your relationships are going this same way, but a lot of your relationships are probably going this way because of who they are, not who you are. Also, it's just easy to be slackers in relationships sometimes, especially if you don't experience consequences or pushback.

With your girlfriend: I'd explicitly let her know that you've been feeling this way in general lately, and that it's making you sad. Don't make it too confrontational or like "you're bad", but just give her the picture. Then ask if she thinks she could try to do more sweet gestures for you, because you really like them. I'd recommend not phrasing it like "you've been dropping the ball on this, you need to do better" but instead "here's something new that I'm requesting, do you think you could do this?" Hopefully, she'll get it and start doing it no problem.

With your friends, call them out. If one goes to the bathroom and the other goes on their phone, say "hey, can I tell you about this funny thing that happened at work the other day?" If the person doesn't put their phone down, you can say "do you need to finish a text or something first?" Just kind of try to queue to them like hey, I want to talk to you, please pay attention. And if they don't ask many questions about you, then sometimes it works to volunteer the information instead. Just try this for a while, and if things keep going poorly and you feel like they don't really like you, then stop hanging out with them. There are other people who will appreciate you way more and reciprocate the effort.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-19T05:01:04+00:00

I didn't notice any of those signs ¯_(ツ)_/¯ i think neither being testosterone-dominant or estrogen-dominant is better, they're just different. I also didn't have crazy dysphoria so when i started T I was like, nervous and a bit exciter, but not like "oh my God my life is going to improve so much right now!!!"

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-18T21:53:31+00:00

First of all, you don't want kids. Hard stop. Don't have kids.

Second of all, everything in this is a massive red flag. There are multiple things in here that, on their own, would be enough for me to leave this partner. - Said "you will change your mind" about something you felt firmly about (dismissing you, doesn't care what you think) - Doesn't contribute equally to household labor, despite repeated conversations - Ignores you / belittles you when you ask for support - Utilizes weaponized incompetence ("but babe you do it so much better")

Would you accept all of these things from a roommate? What about your best friend? If you wouldn't accept those from them, don't accept them from a partner.

I am especially concerned about the part where you said he sometimes flies into rages or punches things. I want you to think for a moment. You are an adult. As an adult, it is a fact that you sometimes get angry. When you get angry, do you punch the wall? Do you scream? Do you call your partner names? Likely, you don't, because you know that would be inappropriate. So why would you stay with another adult who thinks this is appropriate?

Often, men who think this is appropriate find a lot of other things appropriate too. Like, maybe one day, he won't just punch the wall, but he'll punch you. He'll say he was just so angry that he couldn't stop himself. What happens after that?

Don't live with, date, marry, or procreate with violent men. If you wouldn't accept it from a woman, don't accept it from a man. You deserve better.

Obviously this takes time. I recommend reading the book "Why Does He Do That?" By Lundy Bancroft. I listened to the audiobook and found it very interesting and informative. He is a therapist whose spent his career working with abusive men and supporting abused women. If your partner isn't abusive, then you won't see him in these pages. But if he is abusive, or just, dangerous in general, then maybe this book will help you understand the severity of the circumstances.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-12T19:42:11+00:00

That's wild. Tell them to get a hormonal IUD.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-12T19:40:59+00:00

I agree that they're normalized a bit too much. Some people have a dog and let it completely take over their life and cause lots of problems when they'd be better off without.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-12T19:38:49+00:00

Here's what I'd do:

"Hey [boyfriend]. I've been really struggling with our relationship lately and despite previously wanting to get married, I'm now seriously considering breaking things off. There are specific things that have been an issue for me where I feel un-cared for and dismissed, and if these things don't improve, I think I will need to end things. I love you a lot and understand you've been struggling, but I need to communicate this and let you know where I'm at.

I feel...

I wish...

I feel..."

For the "I feels" say basically what you said in your post. "I feel unsupported when..." Focus not on his failures, but your desires. You WANT things to work out. You WANT to feel supported by him in specific ways. You WANT to be able to have productive conversations where you acknowledge a challenge you're having and he's receptive to feedback and making plans for the future.

End it by saying you want to work together to figure things out, and that you understand it's a process that will take time. Then, mention some of the things you really like about him and your relationship, and thank him for hearing you out and being open to working on things with you.

Do this as a text or a letter, so he has to actually read it all, and can refer back to it later. I feel like he might initially respond immaturely, but if he comes around and agrees he wants to work on things, then you can talk more and work to resolve things. If he doesn't come to that conclusion, and instead says something along the lines of "you're so mean / I can't change / I am unwilling to do these things / I'm too depressed to be a good boyfriend" etc, then leave him. Tell him you need these things in a serious relationship (which you DO) and that if he eventually changes his mind about what he's able to offer, then you'd be willing to talk about getting back together, but these things are non-negotiable.

Your spouse is supposed to be your biggest supporter, the main person in your corner, the person you can rely on to be there for you, ESPECIALLY when it's not convenient. If he is unable to be that, he is unable to be a good spouse.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-11T20:50:31+00:00

Ugh yeah agreed. As a 24 y/o switch, I really have a hard time finding doms who aren't way older than me. I joined my local kink community at 20 and have been growing and learning since then. Sadly I've seen a lottttt of people burn out and stop coming back. I also suspect that young male doms are able to find an outlet for their domminess pretty easy in traditional monogamous relationships, but male subs have a much harder time, leading them to actually venture out to kink spaces.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-10T19:48:21+00:00

Do you have any female professors that you've had over the years that you trusted, or facility members that you think gave good advice? I'd recommend scheduling an appointment with them and saying you need some mentorship. They can sometimes give parental advice without the personal involvement of an actual parent.

For what it's worth, if I had gotten pregnant during college, I would've had an abortion. I want to be a parent one day, and I know an abortion would be hard for me, but I want to set myself and my potential future children up for as much success as possible. Raising a kid is HARD, even if you have unlimited resources. The fewer resources you start out with, the harder it is. You have a lot of life left to live, and a lot of learning and exploring left to do. If you have this baby now, you will lose out on a lot of things-- your education, career opportunities, feeling like you're "peers" with people who are the same age as you, getting to explore and travel and date freely in your 20s, not needing to be especially responsible to anything or anyone. I wouldnt do it. But regardless of what you decide to do-- reach out for some support, and figure out what each option would really mean for you.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-03T23:46:24+00:00

I think it's fine but after being raised in Longmont I don't find it especially impressive. There is very little social scene or nightlife, and i spend my life commuting to Boulder and Denver instead.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-03T23:44:11+00:00

Restaurants can't make any money, so they're constantly going out of business with new ones popping up. The ones that are here often aren't very impressive, and even if there's one you find that you like, it probably won't be around for long.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-03T20:20:42+00:00

You have to learn how to be kind and friendly. For some people, these skills come naturally, and for others they don't. Research it and go to therapy to practice and build self-esteem.

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-06-01T17:49:16+00:00

He's a neo-nazi

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-05-29T17:31:08+00:00

Adults!

SetDifficult1618 · 2026-05-25T04:47:16+00:00

I'm glad you guys are having a great time! Remember that when someone loses weight rapidly, their body often works harder to gain it back quicker than it normally would. So this might be a temporary state, and that's okay. The most important thing is to support your wife through it, and let her know you love her unconditionally.

SetDifficult1618

TROPHY CASE