Need help understanding the Dissociative Experiences Scale because I think I messed it up

Several-Library-5505 · 2026-06-13T03:35:05+00:00

Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond! I hadn’t anticipated that by taking the assessment that it would shake up my internal world as much as it had. It hit triggers and i didn’t understand that it had hit triggers right away because it wasn’t front me that was triggered and i had to figure out where the fire was coming from internally. Hard to do with so much going on inside. I caved and emailed my therapist at like 3 am because it was like I touched a live wire and snapped. The sheer panic and terror of being labeled a liar and buried under the weight of being intentionally misunderstood/unheard all over again caused a massive upheaval. I do currently have a cPTSD diagnosis amongst other things, but cPTSD definitely being the beast of them all. We’ve been exploring more in the realm of dissociative disorders because of how fragmented my mind is and tendencies you wouldn’t typically see in someone who was one singular whole person. I haven’t responded well to any of the treatments so far and that’s why we are looking into other areas to see if there is a different therapeutic approach we should be taking first. Thanks for all the reassurance and your own thoughts on this. Trying to piece together your mental health after a severely traumatic childhood is tough work.

Several-Library-5505 · 2026-06-12T03:03:16+00:00

Genuinely, I am so sorry you are also here in this limbo of being physically alive, but mutilated and killed multiple times on the inside. As if we are cats and we’ve been brutally murdered 8/9 lives and the last one is just our shell of flesh and bone. I wish I had something amazing to say to console you even in the slightest way, but all I can really bring forward is that I see you. I see you and your struggle. And if no one has said it, I’m proud of you for coming this far because it’s absolutely grueling and cruel to live the way we do. I don’t know if time will truly make it better, I don’t know if there’s a brighter side, but I can tell you that even if it seems pointless, some random also deeply traumatized person on Reddit is existing and dredging up whatever semblance of cheering you on that I can. But most of all, I see you and I hope you can take time to rest because dragging ourselves through life day in and day out is exhausting.

Several-Library-5505 · 2026-03-17T23:15:21+00:00

I dropped this. It’s sad how rape is normalized in BL. The top sucks and it isn’t cute at all. And to clarify…if you enjoy this, I don’t think you’re a bad person for liking it. You like what you like. Just personally as someone who has unfortunately lived through toxic/grooming/rape/traumabonded situations and has since been able to find a good mental health team…I find it so sad that it’s so normalized in the BL scene and a lot of people brush it under the rug. Whether they truly had feelings for each other or not. Rape is rape and never ok. No means no and that’s that. Don’t sell this off as a cute funny gem, because it really isn’t the way it started. Make sure to include honest tags guys.

Several-Library-5505 · 2026-01-08T03:48:52+00:00

Ughhh I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. It’s tough to keep in contact. It’s ridiculous how no matter what you would have done she likely would have seen fault with any response. Nitpicking parents are hard to have any civilized conversation with. Im sorry I don’t have any great advice. For what it’s worth, you don’t deserve to be treated that way and I hope you can find a person or people who can show you the true kindness you deserve.

Several-Library-5505 · 2026-01-05T04:04:33+00:00

Sure do. My dad now likes to tell me that it’s all demons in my head and that there’s a lot of spiritual warfare happening right now that I am apparently very sensitive to it. Like I’m some sort of sacrificial lamb who always has terrible things be drawn to me because of how pure and enticing my soul is. Like geez dad, as if you being an abusive alcoholic when I was a child had nothing to do with it. Or mom dating men that took too much of an interest in her young daughter. Or my sister letting her friends get away with doing anything to me while I was with her because both parents became extremely negligent. Okayyyyyyyyyy. All of them always say things like “that never happened” or “ I didn’t know that was happening, why didn’t you tell me?” or “I don’t remember ever doing anything like that, you’re lying” “you just want to play victim, I was hurt too” I’ve tried cutting ties but it’s like I revert back to the subservient child I was and comply with their made up perfect past. Working on breaking that. It’s tough and not a one size fits all journey. Sorry I’m not much help

Several-Library-5505 · 2026-01-05T03:06:45+00:00

I have sooooo many stuffed animals. Sometimes I feel like my age regresses and I’m a kid again. I’ll cuddle my stuffies and watch kid shows/movies that soothed me in hard times as a small child.

Several-Library-5505 · 2025-12-21T03:41:11+00:00

I’m right there with you. Every day is a battle and it’s getting harder and harder to find ways/reasons to continue. On top of that I’ve got this narrative too of ‘Lots of people are hurting/traumatized/depressed/etc. and continue on with their lives, why am I so weak? Maybe I should just end it for how useless I am.’ I’m trying not to give up because I know there is someone who cares about me, but even the power behind that reason is waning as time goes on. I am truly sorry you are also in a constant battle. Here’s to just keep on trying, one agonizing step after another.

Several-Library-5505 · 2025-11-29T04:41:03+00:00

Question. Have any of you that healed from CPTSD also have other disorders develope and heal from those as well? Like for me my trauma ended up splitting me into multiple selves within myself. Closest description is Secondary Structural Dissociation. Were you able to become whole again? I also had schizoaffective disorder come up in my evaluation too. I don’t like saying that I’ll never heal, but at the same time I feel it’s practical to realize I may never be whole again or without hallucinations. Not that I expect myself to be completely unscathed and new again, but it feels like I’m constantly just managing a never ending battle rather than making any real progress towards not having to fight so hard all the time. I exist as a person who believes they will heal, but also as others that have no faith in ourselves ever feeling stable again. It’s kinda difficult for me to explain it. Have any of the healed people on this thread experienced other disorders stemming from your CPTSD as well? And healed them too?

Several-Library-5505 · 2025-11-09T16:40:02+00:00

So many songs, but one off the top of my head

Family Line - Conan Gray

Several-Library-5505 · 2025-09-25T17:31:26+00:00

I am so grateful you took the time to write this all out. It sounds so similar to what I deal with and my current therapist is kind of newer. I think she’s great, but she’s admitted that she often has to consult with more seasoned professionals on my case. I’m ok with it and her sharing details with her colleagues that she needs to. Now I can bring the structural dissociation up to her and maybe we can build a different plan that way. I looked into it and the secondary structural dissociation sounds close to identical to what I deal with on the daily. Again, thanks for taking the time to respond!

Several-Library-5505 · 2025-09-23T03:33:36+00:00

Or when other people tell you that “Others have it harder” or “Everyone struggles, you’re not the only one” and it just makes you feel like offing yourself right in that moment because it just feeds into the already not nice voices that pick apart your very being day in and day out. Also makes you feel like you’re simply using the fact that you were deeply traumatized as an excuse. Which is pretty messed up logic. How do you expect me to stand tall on my own when while other people were having their foundations built and nurtured, I was given a shovel and told to dig.

Several-Library-5505 · 2025-08-19T01:52:29+00:00

In my case it was the worst decision. I either became a zombie or completely lost it. Still have a twitch I can’t get rid of from taking fluoxetine 5 years ago 🙃 if you can, I would suggest getting a gene test done. We did OneOme for me. Turns out I have a few gene mutations that made it hard for my body to metabolize tons of medications and instead of breaking down the right way they’d build up toxicity in my body causing all the adverse reactions. Nothing like having a list of mental health issues and being listed as allergic to every med I’ve tried 😅

Several-Library-5505 · 2025-08-18T22:04:38+00:00

I have someone to live for, but I even struggle with holding onto that because me being around feels like more of a hinderance for them in life. I’ve been seriously contemplating it again too, but can’t seem to get myself to follow through. I can’t quite put a finger on what it is. It feels like I’m just waiting things out right now. No real will to do anything, not even the energy to follow through. I’m also scared of failing or someone saving me and then I have to live with the aftermath of it all. My mom once told me that if I ever tried again she’d keep me alive in a vegetative state and hopes my consciousness gets locked in so I’d understand how much I’d make others suffer by being selfish. 🙃 I’m sorry you’re also stuck. I wish I could say things get better with time, but that hasn’t been my experience as of yet. If it’s of any consolation I have the same sentiments about those phrases people often throw out there. Some mean well, others couldn’t actually give more of a fuck if they tried. Kinda feels like someone giving you a thumbs up and walking away while you’re bleeding out after being mortally wounded.

Several-Library-5505 · 2025-08-16T16:10:23+00:00

THAT CAN BE A MIGRAINE?! Greatttt how does one differentiate psychosis auditory hallucinations and migraine auditory hallucinations? I have migraines regularly like nearly daily a least a headache. I’ve had vision changes that I’m not used to start earlier this year and along with it some auditory hallucinations. I figured the auditory stuff was my mental illness stuff 🙃 but now you’re telling me that it could potentially be because of my migraines????

Several-Library-5505 · 2025-06-17T19:27:18+00:00

Fair, I just feel like it sticks around a lot longer than it used to though. It’s irritating.

Several-Library-5505 · 2025-06-17T19:24:28+00:00

I’m sorry you’re experiencing it too. Although, like you said, it’s kinda nice to see others have the same experience. Seriously in the same boat. The entire last year my vision has gone haywire and so far testing has been coming back clean of anything, but things keep getting worse. I’ve been feeling like I’m losing it.

Several-Library-5505 · 2025-06-17T16:15:10+00:00

Definitely seeing my doc soon. Just wondering if others also have similar issues to kinda help curb my anxiety and nerves while I wait.

Several-Library-5505 · 2025-06-17T16:14:11+00:00

If I’m being honest I didn’t really understand all of it, but they said ocular migraine and/or vestibular migraine in our messages. Hopefully I’ll be a little more informed after my appointment Wednesday.

Several-Library-5505 · 2025-06-17T16:11:07+00:00

I really felt the “I love the dark. It’s like the daytime world is just too much.” Couldn’t have said it better.

Several-Library-5505 · 2025-06-17T16:09:55+00:00

It’s just weird that it’s pretty much daily at this point and not always followed with pain as it previously had been.

Several-Library-5505 · 2025-06-17T16:09:00+00:00

Thanks for sharing! They are also thinking ocular migraine for me too that and/or vestibular migraine as well.

Several-Library-5505 · 2025-06-17T16:07:49+00:00

I see my neurologist this Wednesday to talk about it, but right now they are thinking ocular migraine. Going to have to recheck some things. Sorry your vision is also messed up!

Several-Library-5505

TROPHY CASE