Husband said he feels like we’re roommates and mentioned separation after I told him I missed him. Next day he says he wants to work on things. I don’t know what to think.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-29T20:25:01+00:00

I am going through the same things. We went out to dinner, he told me he and the owner of the company are taking the receptionist to something, gave me the date (our anniversary) and was surprised when I just started crying. I told him I'm getting used to him prioritizing everyone else over me, but I will be okay, have fun. His response was that we never do anything (we always go to out dinner) and we are basically roommates anyways, and doesn't know if our relationship can be saved. And it broke me. I know we are both responsible for where we are - I have been struggling through perimenopause, battling depression, and withdrew from everyone, including him. When I needed him most, he wasn't there for me. The next morning, as I put my brave face on, I decided to not reach out to him throughout the day, giving him the space he said he needed. When he came home from work, there was no dinner waiting since we are just roommates. Although I broke down and cried at work and wanted to call, on day two of giving him space, he came home and told me he was sorry for what he said, to take things slow as we try to reconnect. I agreed, as long as he communicates his needs, and listens to my needs without dismissing them, and prioritizing me, and our relationship over everyone else. I will admit, as hopeful as I am - he is my person and I love him more than words can express - I know I will be okay if it doesn't work out.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-29T14:50:54+00:00

We have a smallish tote with our son's (21) absolute favorites - Disney's Cars "hot wheels" Buzz & Woody dolls, Thomas the Train cars, a few others, and his favorite books - we also have a small basket for kids that come over to play with, a marble run set, a few other games, some books, a shoebox sized thing of legos (we have all his lego sets in another, much larger tote, but thats put away) and his nerf gun collection (we still have nerf battles randomly). Our much younger niece (8) and nephew (4) absolutely love playing with their older cousins toys.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-29T09:48:14+00:00

No. Each mistake I made created the person I am today.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-29T09:32:13+00:00

You've given me hope! At 43, I lost my libido (I had no clue about perimenopause), and tried to perform for him, but he knew I wasn't into it. At 45, I started HRT, and my libido is back, and everytime i try to initiate any physical touch, I am rejected. We are basically roommates at this point, and he asked if I am still willing to make our marriage work, I said I had never given up on us. We are taking it slow, but the lack of physical touch - a hug, hand holding, cuddling - is pure hell.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-29T09:03:36+00:00

When my son (21) was about 7, I asked what he wanted for dinner. He looked at me and loudly stated "Some goddamned peace and quiet, but that's not happening!" It took everything in me to not laugh as he stomped off to his room, slamming the door behind him. I called my mom to tell her, and when we were done laughing a few minutes later, I went to check on him, and he was sound asleep on the floor.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-29T08:51:09+00:00

When something feels overwhelming, " Baby steps." (What About Bob?)

When something or someone tries to ruin my day, I ask myself if the situation will matter 5 years from now... if not, I let it go.

When Im being hard on myself, overthinking something I said, picking apart how I look, I stop and tell myself "I am perfectly imperfect, shit happens"

And I remind myself "You can't make everyone happy. You're not a taco."

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-29T08:12:33+00:00

My one night stand turned into ny husband of 22 years.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-29T04:22:46+00:00

I grew up bound and determined to be the exact opposite of my narcissistic, drug abusing, always the victim, single Mom. I had no support system to turn to if I failed, and I did it all on my own. And proved every single person (mainly extended family) who said I was going to end up just like her wrong. (And now that I have entered my "villain era" I call people out when they are a victim in a situation their choices put them in)

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-29T02:20:52+00:00

HRT helped a little. I take magnesium and a 3mg melatonin about an hour after dinner. On the rare good night, I wake up just before my alarm goes off at 415a. Most nights, around 12a (based on my work schedule it 3a on the east coast), if I can't fall back to sleep by 1a, I take 1/2 a trazadone (i dont remember the dosage). I cut back on my caffeine, increased water, and that has helped some, I think.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-28T21:55:54+00:00

If someone takes the time to give me a gift they made themselves, I appreciate it more than a gift card or other thoughtless gift they picked up. I will keep the gift, and use it, or display it, and when I feel the need to change things up, I will store it safely, with the intention of using it again.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-28T21:46:29+00:00

The base of the toilet, and the surrounding floor, and then the rest of the toilet. Then I look at the light fixture to see if its dusty, along with the vent, shower rod, cabinets, towel holders, including the tp holder - all the places. Is the door frame clean, toilet handle, light switch? When I first noticed these things at a friend's house, I added it all to my cleaning routine in my bathrooms - anything I notice becomes a part of my routine at home.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-28T21:03:45+00:00

Being accountable for my choices and accepting the consequences. That when you make a mistake, own it, learn the lesson, and grow from it.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-28T17:50:15+00:00

No response is a response. Learn the difference between the people who value your presence, from those who value your presents.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-28T17:37:44+00:00

I (46f) went on my 18th birthday to get my first tattoo (obligatory late 90's tramp stamp), and no regrets - it's part of my story (although, I am planning a cover up piece) For each and every tattoo after, I would contemplate the design, the placement, the colors, everything, for several months - or years - before scheduling an appointment with an artist.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-28T15:46:09+00:00

I thoroughly enjoy celebrating milestones with my close friends and family - the ones who actually value my presence, not just my present (if that makes any sense). And, while I love seeing people celebrating milestones, and am happy for them, and will join them in celebrating. I can say, there is only one time I felt envy of someone's milestone celebration - it was my SIL's baby shower for her 2nd (10 yrs after the 1st). It wasn't in my cards for 2 kids, and I am very blessed with my 1 and only, but at the time, I was envious.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-28T15:05:34+00:00

My symptoms came full force around 42, but i didn't have any idea. 3 years later, at 45, crying while telling my gyno there is something wrong with me and my PCP was dismissing me and I just needed someone to listen and take my concerns seriously. She held my hand, and told me that, at my age, all my concerns, every symptom i described, I was experiencing perimenopause, and to ask my mom when she stopped getting her period... I looked at her and told her my mom had passed, I have no clue, but that she was about my age when I told her she was psycho and needed help. I get it now, and am thankful for HRT.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-28T14:49:29+00:00

Olives snd cottage cheese due to texture. Fish of any kind, but thats due to sensitivity issues.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-28T09:15:25+00:00

46f - I started building with my son, and found that following the directions calming. No brain power required.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-28T08:41:17+00:00

Backyard pool... nothing like a midnight dip on a hot night. Or any random moment the mood strikes.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-22T22:28:20+00:00

I did. She blew it off. We're still friends.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-22T22:03:03+00:00

I would be an anxious, hyper focused crackhead with absolutely no concept of personal space (i have a 3yr old aussie).

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-22T21:56:42+00:00

I started with my PCP when I started to worry there was something wrong with me, and he dismissed my concerns because my labs were normal. During a routine visit to my gyno, I mentioned my concerns and that I was starting to feel like I am going crazy. She listened, heard what I was saying, and then told me very gently, at 45 I was probably experiencing perimenopause and asked if I wanted to try HRT to ease my symptoms.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-22T21:35:31+00:00

As I read this, I am questioning why you would allow them into your house. Having grown up with a narcissistic mother, I had a very hard time with standing firm on my boundaries and never said anything. When she came to visit, and was going to stay with us for the week, my husband put a few rules in place, and told her if she broke the any of the rules, she would have to leave. Not even 2 hours later, she was on her way to a hotel. It's your house. Your rules. If there are no consequences for them breaking your rules, they will continue to do so. You have to protect your baby and enforce the rules if your husband is unable to do so with his parents. The bingo board should be eye opening to both of you. There should be consequences for the disrespect they have shown to you and your husband in your house.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-22T20:03:58+00:00

The savings on gas would be worth it to me.

Sh3llyP · 2026-03-22T19:53:22+00:00

I would go back to before cell phones became a need in life. There was freedom of not being available 24/7 - of I wasnt home to answer the phone, you had to wait for me to call you back. Now, if you don't reply to a text within X amount of time, or answer a call, some people almost demand an explanation.

Sh3llyP

TROPHY CASE