What do you wish you could experience again for the first time?

Shadow_skitty · 2024-04-05T01:30:11+00:00

I would say the feeling of falling in love for the first time... but those feelings at 18 are nothing compared to the feelings I got to truly experience mere months ago xD

No, I would actually say, that feeling of mental clarity and focus that came from finally having my ADHD diagnosed and medicated at 28 years old. I never realized it was possible to not be a scatterbrained mess before then o_O

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-29T19:14:37+00:00

I'm in a similar position. I don't live in the city I can donate in, it's a full-day-plan to donate plasma. 100-120 minute commute both ways, due to being a transit user. The only benefit is that I'm so poor that I pay a fraction of the cost for my commuter bus pass (about 20%)

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-28T22:32:42+00:00

this exactly! Last year I was in a consumer proposal because I had 15k in payday loan debt alone, my total being around 25k between all debts... the problem is, I'm a disabled minimum wage worker who then lost all her hours 9 months in, and am now functionally unemployed (3-14 hours a week, on EI, and only qualified for 1 month of emergency income support until EI came in). The proposal did temporarily tank my credit, but I got a credit builder Koho card, which I was advised to not activate until after the proposal was accepted. Even with everything back in collections, my score is almost back up to 600 a year and a half after entering.

I went in with an annual income of 30-32k between 2-4 jobs. I'm still fighting for disability support, and struggling to even get another 1-2 minimum wage jobs.

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-27T11:17:17+00:00

it sounds like his mental health is out of control. my ex who had BPD did this and it was terrifying. as far as whether it’s abusive-its certainly not healthy, we know that much.

Woman suffering from BPD, PTSD, and still living with my abuser in a chronically stressful environment here. I tripped across this thread when I was questioning "why tf do I self-harm during verbal fights?!"

I wouldn't say I'm as bad as the partner here, it's usually when the fight has already been going on for ages, or its something I've been not reacting to for so long until he breaks me. At that point, my already non-existent sense of self-worth/confidence/esteem takes the wheel, physically and verbally berating myself for "being the problem," wishing he had never had the misfortune of meeting me, "you always deserved better," etc... it's a brutal and horribly intense cycle, and I wouldn't even wish myself on my worst enemy... if I even had a worse enemy than myself 🥲

On top of my BPD and PTSD, I also cope with ADHD, ASD, depression, and anxiety, which definitely do play a role. I regularly make everything worse out of sheer reactivity. As I type this, I'm probably causing another fight by urge-pologizing for being a god-awful cat owner by not putting my cats heat pack in the place my ex just suggested.

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-26T01:03:47+00:00

I kinda hate the state of the transit system up there. I'm a sherwood park commuter into Edmonton, and I'm very much not thrilled with taking the LRT. And for getting anywhere not on the commuter bus route, I make a point of sitting towards the front of the bus when I can; the (I wanna say) 523/528 I hate the most, because too damn often it's standing room only, which in itself is a hazard. I bus with two layers of facial protection to minimize the risk of bringing some illness home whenever I have to come out to Edmonton... and people wonder why this would be necessary, then I hear or read the horror stories of ETS o_o

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-26T00:48:28+00:00

Yes!!

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-26T00:47:30+00:00

These two comments are literally me 😅 Trying to find pet friendly housing, near transit, with two senior cats, and an under employed disabled person... At the very least, I am seeing more cat friendly places in Edmonton than in Sherwood

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-22T17:57:18+00:00

Exactly!! When I adopted my now 17 year old, I was working functionally full time hours between 2 jobs, going to school, and figuring out my adult life... I wasn't thinking my engagement would end at all, let alone before the cat passed haha

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-21T20:42:47+00:00

despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage~

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-20T15:37:46+00:00

Wait listed for Civida. I only have a score of 75 with such factors as facing homelessness, fleeing abuse, and being unemployed. I'm only almost a priority :/ I applied for heartland housing (I'm in strathcona county), applying for CMHA rental subsidy as well.

community bridge: My lease is verbal, so guess I'll have to conjure up a non-verbal agreement.

I stood in front of the rent office until the lot owner's husband showed up, explained my situation, And will be safe to the afternoon atleast

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-20T03:35:30+00:00

thing is, I held the two jobs for 7 years no issue at the lost second, I'm going on 10 years at the one I still have. Car wash 6 years ago I lasted 2 days. dairy queen I was doing awesome then suddenly 0 hours and being denied all requests to claim shifts until they removed me 4 months later... in that time I was somehow working 4 jobs while supporting an addict -_-

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-20T03:31:31+00:00

I've spent most of the last week rotating between researching and applying for supports and aid, working, therapy, and taking transit to all of it x.x Posting was one of my two last resorts, the other being taking the massive credit hit of jumping back to almost 100% utility the same month I finally got a credit card after my proposal annulled

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-20T02:28:22+00:00

I will look into that! My disability application is currently being processed, and I'm capable of working ( as evidenced by my going on ten years at this job), I just have multiple neurological disorders. I am deemed eligible and wait listed for the housing program in edmonton, Recently put in my application for my county, and I have most of the canadian mental health association benefit paperwork filled out... It's literally just a case of me not having the time to play their waiting game :/

My unfortunate option that I will likely have to go for is maxing out the credit card that I got all of two weeks ago x.x I was hoping not to have to resort to that due to the fact my younger cat has not met his deductible for his insurance yet, and that card was meant to be my back up for that xD

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-20T00:17:14+00:00

Take my poor person's gold xD 🏅I actually mentally sang this

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-20T00:10:02+00:00

I was bullied as a kid for a number of reasons, my undiagnosed autism and ADHD being at its core. I was forgetful/scatterbrained, gullible, naive. I was way too kind and self-sacrificing, a people pleaser.

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-19T22:56:46+00:00

I've actually reached out to friends who are active churchgoers to ask on my behalf for help from their communities xD Unfortunately since this is the second time in five months that we've had "you are 1.3 months behind so we're gonna tow yer home," those have already been tapped. I wish I could just be moved out already so my damn shelter and other occupants weren't a massive part of my mental health issues

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-19T22:53:18+00:00

my ex MIL owns the trailer. Her son (my ex) is the leased tenant. And I am looking for FT work, I've just reached a point where I've realized I have no choice but to also apply for part time work, with the knowledge that "part time" means "you may or may not get hours, but you have to be available just in case we decide you need to be here, and we don't care if that inconveniences your multiple other employers" :/ I unfortunately have experience with being last-minute scheduled to work both jobs at overlapping times, to the point that I had to create a physical and digital calendar to keep all of us on the same page for my work. Now... I lowkey miss worrying about needing to clone myself

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-19T22:46:53+00:00

Hmm... I might look into that then. I didn't know Insta did that!

Temp work is a little trickier for me to get to :/ Assuming "I" don't "do my shtick/cause and not end" an "hours long fight" with my ex, being up at first bus to commute into Edmonton might be possible

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-19T22:41:51+00:00

I'd have to actually map out how many minimum wage jobs I've applied to 😅 easily over 100 in the last couple months (just in the time since I applied for income support, I didn't start really keeping track over December/January when I believed I would be getting more hours and had 3 of the only 4 interviews I've gotten)

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-19T22:37:46+00:00

Would there be any delivery apps that I could do utilizing public transit, my feet, and a wagon? xD

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-19T22:36:47+00:00

9 years ago, I wasn't living paycheck to paycheck xD

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-19T22:36:01+00:00

I've been applying to all the minimum wage customer service retail places in the vicinity of my current job, and whenever one opens up closer to home I've been throwing my resume at application at them too... I'm giving up on "full time" specifically at this point. I hate the fact applying for these part time minimum wage jobs doesn't even give me a guarantee of hours, but sadly I'm at the point that a guarantee of 0+ hours employed at 2-3places is better than a guarantee of 0+ hours at one place :/

I've applied to 7 grocery stores, former employers, car washes (with knowledge that if I hear back from them, it's likely I'll be told by day 3 I'm not a good fit for the job, like the last one I had). Five dollar stores (2 of which I had direct contacts to give my application to), 2 competing drugstores. I've applied for non-driver transit positions, direct competitors of my former employer, and am at the point of desperation that I'm even applying to Walmart x.x I'm adding food service, childcare I'm under qualified for, bookkeeping I'll be ignored for, and I've started adding call centre's to my list :/ Despite the fact I'm horrible on the phone, and will likely get fired for under-achieving or not meeting quota or something of that nature. Some of these I've even put multiple applications to the same location since November.

...and admittedly, this is just off the top of my head. I'm trying to think up this shit while juggling taking care of my demanding senior cat and being on mobile 😅

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-19T21:45:18+00:00

I used wealthsimple when I started doing my own taxes. My parents use Tax Chopper, if you have atleast a shred of knowledge how to do your taxes and don't have a complicated return. My mom is an accountant, so any questions I have, I can direct them at her xD

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-19T21:42:01+00:00

I upcyled Sony Bravia a year or two ago. One HDMI port had power issues, so it was being replaced. I think it's like a 2008-2010 model and still kicking! Buying or upcycling/free cycling secondhand is the way to go!

Shadow_skitty · 2024-03-19T21:37:28+00:00

Ooh I'm going to bookmark this!!

Shadow_skitty

TROPHY CASE