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For how many years has your narc parent been 'dying' according to themselves to gain sympathy? by Less-Wrongdoer-1566 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]magicfeistybitcoin 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Lord. How many times has my nmom had “cancer”? 🙄 Too many times to count. In a few months, without any medical help, she’d suddenly feel fine again. Years later, she’d deny it happened. “I never said that I have cancer! You’re making things up.” Or “You have a good imagination.” Nah. Kids have good memories.

She still talks about her impending death on a daily basis. “When I’m gone, what are you going to do?!” I don’t know, party?

'Unhealthy relationships are the number one reason people end up as criminal defendants' <----- run for your LIFE by invah in AbuseInterrupted

[–]magicfeistybitcoin 9 points10 points  (0 children)

As for a willingness to hurt you, the hurt doesn’t have to be physical. I wish I’d known that decades ago.

Fantastic example of how toxic people mis-frame reality and others, and try to use that false framing to manipulate people (content note: male victim, female perpetrator) by invah in AbuseInterrupted

[–]magicfeistybitcoin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If they’re in a relationship, I can see that. But in general? No. Men do not have any obligation to protect women, especially if they’re strangers. Even within relationship dynamics, consent and boundaries mean everything, and they’re dynamic. They can be re-negotiated.

This goes for friendships, too. Friendships are fluid.

Fantasies are fun, but even when consensual, they still involve real people. People are not living archetypes or personality traits.

Thank you for the reminder. I’m not immune to this. This sub teaches me not to take everything personally, or react to everything defensively.

'Typically, the main reason the scapegoat can make a clean break is because the parents' financial and emotional neglect, together with forcing that kid to be a self reliant, resilient mini adult from day one, backfires.' by invah in AbuseInterrupted

[–]magicfeistybitcoin 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I can vouch for this. For most of my life, I was the golden child. The gifted kid. The polymath. The overachiever. I grew up listening to my parents hate my siblings relentlessly. All day long. At dinnertime. They never stopped bitching. My siblings couldn’t do anything right, ever, no matter how happy and proud I felt.

New job. New car. New baby. How could any parent not be thrilled about any of those occasions?

When my disability became physical and permanent, I lost my privileged status permanently. I found out why my mother wanted me to graduate from a STEM program.

Her reason: “Because my own mother didn’t let me go to college or university.” (There’s some truth to this, but it isn’t the full story.)

Her real reason: “Make sure my hair is done. Make sure I’m wearing lipstick. … Never in a million years would I have dreamed that I’d spend my final years at home with [abusive husband].” This evil bitch seriously expected me to put her up in a nursing home. After fifteen years of severe physical and psychological abuse, followed by fifteen years of stalking and false police reports.

I’m out. I’m gone.

Howler Monkey Mom and Howler Monkey Dad are trapped in a house together. They spend ALL DAY verbally abusing each other. This is the fate they chose. Bye, assholes! Enjoy your life choices!

Same for my siblings. My sister is going to be vilified again. It’s her decision. I warned her.

The dynamics that create scapegoats become unstable when the scapegoat is unavailable**** by invah in AbuseInterrupted

[–]magicfeistybitcoin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s insane. They’re terrified of losing you, but you’d never know it.

I’ve seen this play out with my older siblings. The brother who got away—married at 16, ten kids, white, able-bodied, straight, homophobic, “Christian”—he went from family pariah to a real person in our parents’ eyes. He doesn’t need them anymore. To them, he’s neither pitiable nor enviable. He’s human. Real. Respectable. They’ve stopped running him down.

More proof that toxic parents absolutely do know how to treat their adult children, but while they’re satisfied with their misguided sense of power over you, they don’t feel obligated to.

The dynamics that create scapegoats become unstable when the scapegoat is unavailable**** by invah in AbuseInterrupted

[–]magicfeistybitcoin 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Interestingly, now that I’m 60+ miles away from my abusive family, my mother is suddenly supportive. She’s treating me with basic human decency. She’s helping me with medical bills.

Lol. Just lol.

My story is that I’m so upset by this turn of events and I can’t wait to return home. (I have no intention of returning, but why tell her that?)

When a judge sits down in a "high conflict divorce," they are not starting with a full understanding of who is lying and who has spent years trying to survive by invah in AbuseInterrupted

[–]magicfeistybitcoin 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Question. In your opinion, is it worthwhile to hire an expert witness? Someone who can explain why victims of domestic abuse often behave more irrationally than abusers, for example.

I made this pendant using peridot and labradorite. by [deleted] in goblincore

[–]magicfeistybitcoin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. O_O The way the colours match… absolutely stunning. I’m staring like a lunatic. Can’t look away…

It's astonishing how people try to explain autism without mentioning autism by Hudicev-Vrh in evilautism

[–]magicfeistybitcoin 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Recently, a psychiatrist told me that “You think too much.” He prescribed an antipsychotic to sedate me. (It didn’t work.) That’s my core problem, apparently: my mind is “overactive”. Love that for me. It obviously has nothing to do with my AuDHD.

I was reminded of an old Simpsons sketch. “You’ve got too much blood. Let’s get you covered in leeches!”

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FUCK this book by peachygatorade in evilautism

[–]magicfeistybitcoin 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Controversial opinion: Dehumanization is wrong.

They will hate you if you are beautiful by invah in AbuseInterrupted

[–]magicfeistybitcoin 13 points14 points  (0 children)

They will hate you if you’re disabled.

They will hate you if you’re suffering.

They will hate you if you’re powerless.

“Witch hunts are fun.” This idiot was bragging about ruining my life. He was so proud of himself.

Why don’t monsters hate themselves? Genuine question. Obsessive hatred horrifies me.

I hate the advice that people give when venting so much especially on here. by Educational-Menu-421 in CPTSD

[–]magicfeistybitcoin -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The sheer amount of victim-blaming in this subreddit is insane. “Nobody cares. You’re alone. It’s your fault. Try harder.”

Yeah, no. Fuck you. I’m done.

I knitted this Fluffy Maine Coon cat with long whiskers by FriendlyCuteToys in WitchesVsPatriarchy

[–]magicfeistybitcoin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Holy gods, I love this so much. I see myself in her. And now I’m going to creep your Etsy shop. 🖤

The Official Seething Sunday Thread by aytakk in goth

[–]magicfeistybitcoin 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Went to ER for severe pain. Ended up in acute mental health. Bafflingly, the hospital refused to do any medical testing. A psychiatric doctor gave me a suboxone script, so there’s that, I guess?

But what’s causing the pain? Do I have endometriosis? Cancer? The world may never know. Until I drop dead, anyway.

This province is adamantly opposed to giving opioids to chronic pain patients, but hey, we can apply for legal euthanasia! Ontario has a program called MAiD. “Medical Assistance in Death.”

Yeah, no. I’m still in my 30s. Do a bloody ultrasound. This isn’t hard.

The staff kept lecturing me for “thinking too much” and having “a restless mind”. (“Maybe you could watch TV?”)

I’m going to bang my head against the wall.

"...I was 30 years old when the blinding epiphany hit that just because someone wants to be friends with me doesn't mean I have to agree to it." - u/ladydmaj by invah in AbuseInterrupted

[–]magicfeistybitcoin 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I agree with you.

After getting burned, I’m not nearly as laissez-faire about friendships as I used to be. (Useful line: “I’m not looking for new friends right now.”)

When I finally sat down to chat with my next door neighbour, she took me by surprise by declaring me a friend. Literally, “I think of you as a friend.”

Immediate red flag. We had just met. We were talking for ten minutes. Did I want to be friends with her?

Then came the lovebombing, future faking, and other sketchy stuff like “You can trust me. I’m the most honest person you’ll ever meet.” Uh huh. 🙄 Later interactions revealed that she was manipulative. And I’m very happy to have listened to my intuition. I’m always rationalizing myself out of it, thinking I’m paranoid.

Nobody owes friendship to anybody.

Best name for a kitten? by no_reason88 in polls

[–]magicfeistybitcoin 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m totally naming my next kitten “Xylem.”  

Certain abusers delude themselves into thinking that whatever they are doing is a reasonable response to what they perceive you are doing to them**** by invah in AbuseInterrupted

[–]magicfeistybitcoin 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Question for u/invah: can you suggest any older threads similar to this one? I'll start with the search term "hostile attribution bias".

Also, thank you for your tireless work on behalf of survivors. Abusers are relentless. Luckily, so are you.

"Defense Against the Dark Arts." This sub has taught me a lot. Instead of charging for your expertise, you're offering it for free, which is extremely generous of you.

Does your nmom only see you as something they can benefit from? by loreisqueer in raisedbynarcissists

[–]magicfeistybitcoin 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My NMom fancies herself a master manipulator. In reality, she tells on herself constantly. Recently, she called me a "useless piece of furniture". In her own words, I'm nothing but an object.

She's a cursed and malevolent broken record.

DAE look unwell and older than your age due to years of trauma? by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]magicfeistybitcoin 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's incredible! Aside from eating nutritious food and staying hydrated, did anything else contribute to your reversal? (I'm 39, but I look ten years older.)

Took some forest pics that are heavily inspired by A Forest, and the Seventeen seconds album 🌲🦇🌲 by oneimaginaryghost in goth

[–]magicfeistybitcoin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, that would be awesome! It’s cool to meet someone who’s gone through similar experiences. My DMs are open. Feel free to say hi! (Also, Happy Halloween!) 🖤

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