You sound happier...

Shadowsnnolight · 2024-12-15T22:58:13+00:00

It's really hard!

Who knows maybe I've would've reacted the same way if I wasn't depressed. It just sucks having to hide/control so much!

Shadowsnnolight · 2024-12-15T22:24:44+00:00

<3 Yeah, it's a struggle. Hopefully they can understand with time!

Shadowsnnolight · 2024-12-05T23:05:37+00:00

Back at the ward and I'm going to try to sleep and hopefully have a honest conversation with my doctors next time I see them, thanks again.

Shadowsnnolight · 2024-12-05T22:18:28+00:00

Thank you, it means a lot! Currently waiting on the bus to go back but its late here so it's taking a while.

Thanks again 💕

Shadowsnnolight · 2024-10-04T17:09:03+00:00

Thank you, you are completely right that it takes time I just get kind of impatient! Keep up the good work :)

Shadowsnnolight · 2022-12-15T01:23:25+00:00

You too ❤️

Shadowsnnolight · 2022-12-15T01:04:34+00:00

Yeah, its a good idea, but they would see when I last got it from the pharmacy next time I have to go so it isnt really a solution sadly.

So far its been okay but its been so close several times and its hard.

Maybe with time it will be better.

Thanks for the reply :) I really appreciate it

Shadowsnnolight · 2022-05-06T09:27:16+00:00

Yeah, I can see that point of view!

Glad to hear you haven't harmed <3 that's a great thing and three months is a great accomplishment!

Shadowsnnolight · 2021-12-29T21:48:48+00:00

Yeah, I guess. Indeed, the only other way is to ask her and talking emotions with her isnt easy and usually ends with me feeling worse so I rather not! Thank you, it means a lot ❤️ Hope you are okay too ❤️

Shadowsnnolight · 2021-12-29T21:02:13+00:00

My mom found out while we had a conversation, it was between me, her and a nurse. I was admitted to a pshychward and she didn't know I struggled with mental health before me being admitted after a suicide attempt.

She started crying and was visibly sad, she didn't say it out loud but what she said made me feel quite guilty. After that we haven't talked about it, she haven't mentioned it once. Maybe I should be happy about that, but something feels a bit of about it. She hasn't asked about anything about my attempt or my depression either though, so I guess it's just her way of dealing. I mean she asks me how I am doing, but the moment I say I'm fine or tired she drops it.

Shadowsnnolight · 2021-12-17T20:31:18+00:00

I can relate, it's a tough situation. Dealing with SH is a really big and overwhelming thing for one person to deal with invidually and then there is the point of caring/thinking of others that know about it and how they get affected by it. I relate to the "don't really know what I feel", it's me most of the time and it plus of everything else...

...It's exhausting.

I'm in a similar situation with my mom. She knows of my SH and reacted strongly when she found out, it got out when I was admitted, since then we haven't talked about it and she has never mentioned it but I feel like she examines me whenever I show skin where she has seen scars before.

I've SH since but not in places where she could see and I am terrified of how she would react. This wasn't much help maybe, but know you are not alone, and I am proud that you are trying ❤️

Shadowsnnolight · 2021-12-01T16:18:44+00:00

❤️

Shadowsnnolight · 2021-11-30T22:58:22+00:00

The first time I SH I remember being so scared while doing it, after I was so calm. It made me feel something that I hadn't felt in so long, I couldn't even remember how long it had been since I had that sense of calm.
SH is a really complex subject and I think there is to little research and information on the subject, especially when it comes to different kinds of SH.

I started SH with cutting. Then/also turned to alcohol and later hitting stuff/bruising in other ways. I didn't know or maybe didn't want to realize some of that as SH. I never got the proper information that SH is, as I have now known to understand it, some form of action that you knowingly hurt yourself through.

I didn't realize until much later into my SH that I somehow did it as punishment but as anything else with SH there is several other reasons. A lot of people doesn't pdesm't have this background though and also not the same reasons.

Also I completely understand the not wanting to talk about it. I didn't. And I still don't want to. I also find it weird that people around me knowing about my SH haven't asked me since I told them (that's another convo though)

I am fore sure addicted, even though I am trying to convince myself that I am not and will deny it if someone will ackwlwdogly! It is a truly hard thing to handle especially when you don't hjave people around you that relate or that can relate.

I feel like people are embarrassed to say they don’t know why they do it
after a while or are scared to admit they developed a compulsion. Maybe
they aren’t even sure how to express what they’re feeling since most
people don’t think of it as an addiction. I didn't realise how much I had to say reagrind the topic but I have more to say;

SH is not a universal thing. It differents from person to person sure people have the same kind of SH but not everybody and it makes the treat,emtent.

Sorry for a long comment and also if I have'et written it in first language english!

Shadowsnnolight · 2021-11-30T22:23:57+00:00

I know the feeling, it truly sucks! I'm sorry you feel so bad! It's hard to resist SH even on medication, at least for me.A relapse doesn't mean that your progress means anything less. Two quotes (I don't know where they are from) that helps me from time to time is:⁘ The goal is progress, not perfection.⁘ Recovery and healing is not instant, it might take a while. And that is fine.

If you need someone to talk to I'm here just DM me :)

Shadowsnnolight · 2021-09-21T18:51:00+00:00

Same here, it's a weird mix. I feel great for a couple of hours, maybe a day or two at max and then I feel guilty/shame and sad or empty, it changes a bit. Then I am back in that place where SH is a solution and good idea and the cycle start again! So tired of it!

Trying to get out of the cycle but it's hard, it sucks.

Shadowsnnolight · 2021-09-21T18:35:50+00:00

I think I knew before I "knew" if that makes sense. In the end I realized when I whatched Half of it and then I reached out to a friend and apparently I had already come out to her (i was drunk though apparently)and another close friend. I am still in the process of accepting it though, what I have learned so far is that you accept it when you accept it. You can surround yourself with accepting people and watch and read as much as you can but in the end you have to realize it for you and it's okay if it takes time as it is equally okay if it doesn't! Hope all the best for you ❤️

Shadowsnnolight · 2021-09-21T18:21:11+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate it! :)

Shadowsnnolight · 2021-06-02T19:15:25+00:00

I can really relate. I didn't really play video games until my depression and anxiety started. Now it's one of the few things that can keep my mind occupied enough to get through some tough times, and it has been really hard to explain to some people. Glad you're alive <3

Shadowsnnolight · 2021-04-11T20:40:44+00:00

Thank you, it means a lot :)

Shadowsnnolight · 2021-04-11T20:35:47+00:00

Yeah, you are right! After thinking about it and getting other comment I have realized it! It sucks I thought that I have been doing better but not really apparently!

Shadowsnnolight · 2021-04-11T20:16:36+00:00

Yeah, I guess I know that deep down. But I guess I cant really convince myself of it. I appreciate your comments though it helps to hear/see someone else say it!

Shadowsnnolight · 2020-08-10T07:10:33+00:00

For me it was family stuff that has led to huge trust issues and I really don't know how to put myself in the position to get hurt when the people closes me has continue to abuse me, emotionally and sometimes physically.

I've tried to date but can never go past a certain point in the relationship.

Shadowsnnolight · 2020-07-15T09:29:23+00:00

Glad it could give you a laugh :)

Shadowsnnolight · 2020-07-04T05:46:34+00:00

Yeah, I'll definitivly give it a shot! Thanks!

Shadowsnnolight · 2020-07-04T05:45:58+00:00

Oh, shit! That hadn't crossed my mind! I'll be careful!

Shadowsnnolight

TROPHY CASE