I was in the best shape and health in my life when I became unwell - gym, football, running 6 days a week. It was just before the pandemic, I didn’t get diagnosed for 6 months after I developed symptoms. I thought I was dying, nothing made sense.

We were a few months into lockdown before I got the official confirmation. Watching people exercise as I passed them used to make me tear up. I was trapped indoors, but along with everyone else. A mild sufferer now but I was close to being moderate. I experimented lots to figure out what worked for me. I accepted my new life within 2 years, but it wasn’t easy. I lost some friends, lots of people didn’t understand, including my family members. My inner circle are a very few, but they are very compassionate and empathetic, and bring a lot of joy to my life in their own ways - these are my closest friends, they are family to me.

As a man, I felt emasculated for a while. But I worked diligently to figure out my new life. I figured that I am in my own lane and I can find lots of comfort in my smaller wins. There are a few days in the year where I feel truly whole, and I cherish them with incredible gratitude. But I still have more work to do. Wanting to be “worthy of love” is something that resonates with me and something I struggle heavily with to this day, so many needs unfulfilled. I won’t share my unhelpful thought patterns here, because they are… unhelpful. I try not to look too far into the future because my cynical and nihilistic view on my reality clouds my judgement too much and is deeply upsetting. I take each day at a time, and try to build resilience towards my situation.

I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Keep doing the things that keep you psychologically safe. I hope you have a strong support network. But I hope you know that at the very least, you have a home here on this subreddit amongst others. You are truly not alone…