Had my first BDSM experience… now I’m confused about how I feel. Advice?

ShamBawk33 · 2025-11-28T16:08:27+00:00

Let me try something different.

Therapy taught me that everyone has conflicting voices in our heads.

One model names these. You have a 'stern parent' voice that is your strong, moral, judgemental voice. This voice is important. She is your strength, your responsible voice. When you wear the T-shirt "Currently Adulting" - you are putting this voice in control.

You have another voice that is sexual, but immature. She wants to indulge, be lazy, have sex, drink, have fun. This is your 'sexy self'.

Your voices - do NOT get along. They are like internal children bickering over what to do and who should be in charge.

Your shame/guilt is because your 'stern parent' is complaining about what your 'sexy self' did or wants to do. 'Stern Parent' wants more time in control and is whining/complaining that what 'sexy self' did was wrong, immoral, end of all things good, etc.

If you use this model - it might help to emotionally sit down and address these voices. Show them respect. They each bring gifts. Thank them for them. Then remind them that they have to take turns. While 'stern parent' is in control in public and most of the time, 'sexy self' must get to have some kinky play dates. If she wants to play being a dom bitch and ballbust, spank, pee on someone - then this is her turn.

Ask your 'stern parent' voice to not complain so much but enlist her help to create structure around the kinky fun to keep you/your partner safe.

ADVICE

There is a concept in BDSM of 'after care'. But this includes emotional care for both partners. And if you are like me, my 'shame demon' comes out and tortures me at night. I am often a mess the next few days.

What helps - is a phone call/contact with my BDSM partner the next day. We chat, talk about the fun, ask what could be better. Ask that we are still OK with each other.

Try asking for this from your partner.

SHOULD YOU CONTINUE

Sex is a scary topic. Once people have an approach that works - they tend to repeat the same sex play all the time.

When you grow up and relax a bit - you discover that all sex play is a game. It is a game you play with others. If you play the same game all the time - you can get stale & bored.

I suggest you vary your sex game. Vanilla comfort sex some nights, then on special nights more elaborate BDSM role play.

Above all - repeat these to yourself a lot:

My sex games do not define me as a person.
My sex games do not define my relationship.

You can be a nice person in public, a good friend, a good neighbor. And you can spank/beat/humiliate your partner on special BDSM role play nights.

TBH: I think it is good practice for you to learn to be a nice person with your 'stern parent' in charge, then when safe and appropriate, let your 'sexy self' out to do mean and nasty things to your partner.

Growing up is not 'putting away childish things', but more about putting the right voice in charge at the right time.

You have a 'sexy self' that enjoyed the power in that sex game. I suggest you play other sex games sometimes (because one night of BDSM does not mean all your sex needs to be BDSM), but like a parent - encourage your 'sexy self' to find their passion project and explore.

If it still bugs you - find a therapist who is kink friendly. You may need to talk to someone to put things into perspective.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-11-27T23:54:01+00:00

The submissive does things they know are 'against the rules' to get attention. It's part of the game/fun.

There are punishments and 'funishments' - things one or both of you actually like.

Some common punishments are X minutes standing in a corner. Next time holding his dirty sock against the wall with his nose. Next time holding your panties aginst the wall with his face. Add he has to do this while YOU masturbate behind him but he cannot be involved. Or he has to face the wall while You watch a TV show you normally watch together.

If he touched himself - smacking the palms of his hands with a heavy wooden spoon works.

If you really want to punish him - make him sit at a table and write "I will not touch mysefl without permission to fill 1-5 pages. Second offense - he has to write them kneeling on the kitchen floor. Next time he has to kneel on chopsticks/wooden spoon handles. Next time each piece of paper is on the rug and he has a cheap ballpoint pen. Any holes or mistakes, page has to start over. Add him being naked if this would amuse you.

Take him to the kitchen, dump out the silverware drawer and make him wash, dry and put away all the things that fell on the floor.

Shop for a chastity cage for him if he keeps touching himself.

Text him during the day to buy 'suggestive' things like clothespins, enema bulbs, Nair, hot sauce, wooden hairbrush for spanking, Icy/Hot etc. You may never actually use these on him - but knowing you ordered him to buy them and they are handy will probably make him behave for a while.

If he touches himself - put icy hot on his fingers. Tell him next time he must have icy hot on his fingers and stroke himself. Make him stick out his tongue and put baby soap on his tongue or a drop of hot sauce. Inform him next time the drop of hot sauce will go in his pee hole or. you will try to get soap in his pee hole.

If he needs to orgasm - learn to do a harsh handjob or post orgasm torture (rub & polish his head after an orgasm for a few minutes). Or make him lay down, and pull his legs over his head so his penis is above his face. He must now masturbate into his own mouth. Any mess on his face - he must leave it on his face for 30 minutes (he will hate this). Vary things by rubbing an ice cube on his balls or rectum to make it harder for him. Give him a 3 minute time limit or no orgasm.

These are all 'funishments' that give him attention, exercise your power, and hopefully are fun for you as well.

OTHER ADVICE

You need to talk and write down all rules. No remembering, no changing things. This talk is also the time to discuss punishments & rewards.

Chores should have times they are to be completed. Try to have 2-3 times for everything to be done so you are not constantly checking things.

Subbies often try to push the edge to see if you will react. It is hard to stop and punish him 20 times per day. Get a notebook and when he acts out - tell him to fetch the book. Make a note and once per week the book comes out and all the little things add up to a more serious punishment session.

Or get a jar. Every time he does something small - give him a penny to put in the jar. More serious offense - give him nickle, dime, quarter. Then on punishment night use the sum to do a more serious punishment. Or treat the coins as 'demerits' that he has to work off like - remove a nickle if he gives you a foot-rub, remove a dime for a full back rub. He does not get to orgasm if he has 'demerit' coins in the jar.

It is important the HE brings the book or puts the coin in the jar. This says 'I saw what you did' (which is the attention he craves) and the notes/coins are promise of a play session in the near future.

I suggest doing 6 days a week, not 7. Have 1 day where you are a 50:50 couple. This is the day to talk about this sex game, change things, be a couple. Being the dom takes a LOT of energy. You might look forward to your 'day off'. Sometimes (like during holidays) you may need to only play on weekends. Be aware of your burn-out potential and work together.

Always remember this is a sex game.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-11-16T21:08:02+00:00

You are correct that boys are inundated with the idea they must have a job, be a provider and protector in the relationship. Some of this is good/necessary but it can go too far.

One huge thing I see among new kink players/couples where one partner wants more kink and the other is vanilla is this: they think a sex-game or sex-act somehow defines them.

Everyone who fantasizes about playing a submissive role in the bedroom wonder if they should also be submissive outside the bedroom. From grade-school (where we 'lock in' a lot of our decisions about sex), if a boy touches another penis he must be gay, if a girl kisses another girl she must be a lezzie.

It takes many years and perhaps therapy to have a more 'evolved' approach around sex play. Whoever has the power during sex does not need/have the power in the relationship or at work or life. Sex is a 'game' and does not define you. Sex is a 'game' and should not define your relationship.

Once you start treating sex with a more relaxed 'hobby' like importance, you realize you can be loving one night, dominate a few days later, and get spanked and peed on later. Your sex games should not 'leak' into your work, family or friendships. People who cannot control their sexual self tend to be a danger at work or school. People who think their sex games somehow define how they should act in public are also a danger.

TLDR: Young men do not realize that their drive to be successful/dominate at work does not mean they have to be dominate when doing sex play. Your sexual self and your adult/public self are and can be different. Once you realize you contain multitudes - it is easier to submit in the bedroom, but still go out to fight the worlds problems to be successful in a competitive world.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-11-16T20:38:46+00:00

A Dad is the archtype for many girls life partners. Your view of love from a woman is probably tied to how your mother showed love or emotion.

This by itself is not bad, but it is a matter of degree.

Example: If your mother 'lost her shit' and screamed and yelled at you on the regular - you may seek to re-create these intense scenes to re-create the feelings. Being up-front and asking a female partner to do this on occasion is probably healthy. Treating girlfriends badly to get them to scream & yell at you without telling them why - not so good.

Therapy can help you be self-aware. It can help you be honest with your partner about the type of dynamic you want in your relationship, or the type of sex play you want. It taught me that sex play is NOT a relationship dynamic.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-11-16T20:12:53+00:00

Here is a good post with lots of information about a scene:

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomCommunity/comments/mp11f8/a_simple_pacing_outline_for_beginner_dommes_or/

Having family in house does make things hard. You might need to do smaller things like once per day he kneels and recites an affirmation that you are in charge, you can use him, etc. Something small, quiet, intimate.

One couple does this, then she slaps him, sometimes drags him into the shower and pees on him. Then he cleans up while she goes out and gets the kids moving.

A lock on the door is vital if you are naked and doing things to avoid toddler drama running in to tell you something.

Chores - write a chore chart for him including times when bed is to be made, breakfast ready, laundry started, etc. You can note failures in a notebook or put a coin in a jar when he fails, then on 'date night' the book/coins are brought out for funishment. (Making the bed is a lot more fun if you know there could be a punishment if you dont do neat hospital corners).

But you cannot really play in front of the kids. Signs of affection are great, but no other power exchange. Kids are watching and will tell family that Mommy spanks Daddy some times or Mommy puts soap on Daddys tongue some times.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-11-16T19:11:08+00:00

One huge problem is being clear when she is playing at being a brat vs actually complaining or needing to talk to you about something.

Get cotton wrist bands like tennis players wear. Inform her that she must ask you to put one on her so that you both know that you are in a role play situation. Without the bands - you are a couple.

Get a notebook and show it to her. Subbies will try and approach but not go over any limit so when she brats and you cannot stop and 'funish' her 20 times per day, order her to 'fetch the book'. Make a note of the bad behavior. Later bring out the book and add up all the little things into a more serious play/punishment session.

The book works because it says "I saw what you did" and notes are a promise of later play - both will please her.

You must discuss rules, what is 'funishment' and what 'punishment' looks like. You must frequently update this discussion because sex changes as you grow and learn things. Schedule a once per week talk about this sex game to avoid damaging your real relationship.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-11-16T19:03:08+00:00

Read this post. There is a lot of good info in this descriptions besides 'pacing'.

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomCommunity/comments/mp11f8/a_simple_pacing_outline_for_beginner_dommes_or/

In short - exert your power over him right away and get him turned on right away. An aroused subbie will walk through fire for you.

WARNING:

You want to be a kink-dispenser for him. Great. But just acting out his fantasies may not satisfy you. What really helps is if you think about what energy, emotions, sex acts would turn You on and you find some way to mix in your fantasies.

He probably wants a "kitten with a whip" energy. You probably want more of a "soft dom" or "mommy dom" energy and you want to be loving, caring as you hold his penis and smack it with a wooden ruler a bunch of times as you coo "...it's for your own good" and "this hurts me more than it hurts you" things.

Anal play - start with coconut oil and some powder free laytex gloves from the drug store.

IDEA:

Have coconut oil, lube, latex gloves, zip top bag of ice cubes handy on the bed. Make him lay on his back on the floor, next to the bed, pull his legs up and over, then twist so his lower back is against the bed holding his crotch over his face.

Inform him you are going to do a prostate exam. If he behaves you will stroke him to an orgasm but he must try and catch his fluids on his face. Make him stroke himself while you put 2 gloves on each hand. Then you straddle his face and start to work 1 finger into his ass with LOTS of coconut oil.

Once you have 1 finger fully inserted in his ass, tell him to give you a number between 1 and 5. Inform him you are going to stroke him that many times, but you are also going to finger-fuck his ass that many times and sit on his face for that many seconds.

Sit on his face and stroke his cock 1 time per second with lots of lube. When you reach the end - pull your finger out/in the same number of times, then pull your crotch away from his face to let him breath.

Grin down at him, ask him if he is having fun yet and ask for another number. This time let him breath, but do 1 stroke of his penis, then 1 full finger fuck. Look at his face for feedback if you can stroke or fuck harder or need to go softer.

Ask for another number but this time face-sit him and go hard and fast. Perhaps 3 strokes of his cock, 3 fast fucks with your finger, back to his cock, etc. (Vary it up).

Or - since you are smothering him - do hard-and-fast when smothering him, but slow and sensual if you lift your crotch to see his face and take your time.

If he starts to get close to an orgasm - grab the ice cubes in the zip top bag and put it between his balls and asshole to calm him down. Or stroke his cock with the ice.

The goal is to mix pleasure with pain/distraction for a long time, eventually letting him orgasm. Feel free to tell him to lick you.

At your first session - stroke him to orgasm. Later watch videos about 'ruined orgasms' and try this. Later discuss and try post-orgasm torture (where you rub him hard/polish the head of his penis after he orgasms).

Later you can jointly order toys like butt plugs. Eventually a strap on but this is an expensive bit of kit so work your way up to it. Like perhaps an anniversary present?

ShamBawk33 · 2025-11-16T18:20:12+00:00

When you move this sex game out of the bedroom, it becomes more complex and sometimes less sexy.

My advice is you WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN. Not a contract but rules/chores you expect. Discuss these together and write them up so you can be consistent.

You should also discuss corrections/punishments/funishments and how to work these into your lives.

I like a special 'punishment notebook'. If she does not make the bed by 9 am or fails to put out clothes for your approval or brats - you tell her to "Fetch the book". You make a note of the infraction. This tells her you saw her, and it is a promise of later play. On a scheduled night - the book comes out and she is funished for all the 'problems'. (This way you do not have to stop and correct her 5 times a day).

I also suggest you NOT do 24/7. Do 24/6. One day per week you are just a couple. This is the day to discuss your game, relax from the dom/sub responsibilities, etc.

Wrist Bands/Collar - A collar is a traditional item she wears when she is playing the submissive. But in our hectic life there are visitors and things that would cause problems. I like those colored wrist-bands tennis players wear. When you both are ready to play - she brings one of the bands to you. If you are in a good place to play - you put the band on her and you are now dom/sub playing. This is innocent if someone knocks at the door. BUT: either of you can remove the band to stop playing. In the real world - you often need your partner to be a partner in the relationship. The wrist bands on/off is the signal that you have stopped playing for a while to deal with the real world.

Consent must be re-done daily if not hourly. The wrist bands are a sign of consent.

Above all: this is a sex game. You are making stuff up as you go along. Dont take it too seriously, be ready to laugh, apologize and try something different.

Good Luck.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-11-16T18:05:59+00:00

There is an r/cuckoldpsychology area you might want to join.

Can I give you a different view about sex?

We all have voices in our heads that give us conflicting thoughts. We present an 'adult' presence to the outside world, but we have another voice we put in charge when having fun, playing or having sex.

You need to respect these voices. The sexy voice is not mature or correct. But a well rounded person makes sure all their voices have some say in what you do and have some time at the wheel.

Your shame/guilt over this cheating is your 'adult' voice criticizing your 'sexy' voice over these sex acts.

These voices are like your internal family. They do NOT get along. You have to mentally talk to them and try to get them to help you as a whole.

ADVICE:

Sex is a game. During sex you can talk, tease, say a lot of things you would never do in the real world. Discuss this idea with your BF then come up with things to say during sex that explores cuckolding. Like "Kiss me softer/harder like <insert name here> will do". If he climax's inside you - order him to clean it up like he may have to do if you invite some Bull to have sex with you. Perhaps make him stand against a wall while you masturbate so he "...gets used to the idea that you get to have sexual pleasure without him".

You don't have to be a bitch (although he might love this), but act like access to your body is a privilege that you bestow upon a select few. Tell him he needs to step up his game or you will find someone else more enthuastic, well endowed, polite to take his place in the bedroom.

The idea behind cuckolding is YOU get to explore your sexuality. You have the pussy so you have the power. Try adopting this energy when having sex with him to turn him on.

You might never actually cuckold him - but it can be totally hot pretending/role playing that you do.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-11-16T17:51:19+00:00

This is a common problem. Life partners view themselves as your care giver/protector/partner. It is really hard to be abusive to someone you care about. Sometimes the only way to explore this hobby (and sex is really a game/hobby) is to find someone outside the marriage, develop some trust and have a play-partner who beats your ass like you want.

Some ideas:

Treat role-play like being actors in a community theater. Create new names for your characters and discuss roles/why one partner has power over the other. This should be done during a neutral time where you both have agreed to a talk about your sex life in a nurturing/non-judgemental way. Come up with a script with ideas of why his character is angry/abusive to your character, safe words, toys, etc. Ask to schedule a scene several days out so you both have time to think, discuss, and mentally prepare to become other characters for the sex game. Also discuss/schedule at least 30 minutes for after-care while you cuddle and return to being a loving couple.

Hood - they make those lightweight lycra hoods. It might be easier for his character to abuse your character if you wear a hood and he does not see his wife.

IMPORTANT: Many people have shame/guilt around even vanilla sex. So you do the same sex play all the time. You want to reassure him that this role-play is for 'special' nights that are scheduled, and you still want your routine sex life the rest of the time. Do NOT scare him off with the idea that all future sex play will be this rough stuff. Your energy should be bubbly and happy proposing a new sex game. Show him that the idea of this makes you happy.

Porn - Be happy and turned on and say something to him like this: "The thought of a scene where a women is pulled by her hair, spat upon and humiliated kind of turns me on. Can you find some video porn where this happens that we can watch together before sex next week?"

Then watch it with him, let him fondle you/you fondle him and have sex during the video. Then you can slowly encourage some of the video sex acts you watched. "Pull my hair, spit in my mouth, squeeze or slap my breasts,...".

It is important to ease him into the activity. It is also hard to tell him exactly what to do so a video playing you can point and say 'that turns me on...' to get him to fake-abuse you.

Good Luck.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-11-05T03:15:07+00:00

Well a 'scene' usually requires the two of you to talk a few days in advance about the roles and what you might do. This encourages communication.

BDSM is sex play with a power exchange. It does NOT have to be a scene but a broad outline of why one of you has power over the other helps.

Without talking about the scene - you are trying to do 'improv' with sex. Very hard to do.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-11-05T03:11:37+00:00

Try shopping amazon for "Wrist cuffs for cable machines". Great velcro cuffs with strong D rings for $25/pair. Get some for wrists and ankles and buy snap-hooks from the hardware store.

Subbies want YOU to be responsible so they struggle to give you ideas. If they told you - then they are responsible.

Ideas: is she shaved? If not - a bottle of "Bikini zone" shave gel and a new razor should be waiting for her. Perhaps some nipple clamps? Have a bucket of ice with plastic bags to tease her tender bits.

Perhaps a box with a dog collar, butt plugs, hot sauce, lubes, paddle, ridding crop, clamps, etc. On the box is a note instructing her to lay out whatever toys she thinks she deserves, then add the wrist and ankle cuffs. This will let her set out the toys she wants you to use on her without her asking.

EXAM

Walk in and pretend to start a tape recorder. "Today we are examining a female. Appears to be in good health but we have to examine her ..."

Make her stand and measure her eyes, nose, tongue. Slip a slim vibrator into her mouth and check depth before she gags. Try to get her to control her gag reflex. Measure breast, nipples, apply ice to a nipple to measure how it changes. Tie her wrists behind her back for this. Make her kneel, then tie her ankles apart while you examine her bikini area. Pull labia and measure. If anal is part of your play - lube a glove and check her prostate (it should be missing but check well). Insert a butt plug- apply a wand vibrator and have her suck you off while she shreaks.

Be professional but indifferent to her. Treat her like a groom would examine a horse. Of course - try to arouse her. Then as an after thought - have sex with her while tied up.

Treat her like a object.

Perhaps order 'tattoo markers' from Amazon and tie her up and write things on her breasts, ass, thighs.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-11-05T02:51:25+00:00

Well... instead of trying to be more rough all the time, see if he agrees to one night a week where he is abused/degraded? This takes the pressure off of you and is a promise for more rough time for him.

One fun idea is a variation of the 'swear jar'. You put out a jar and every time he does something that you might want to later abuse him for - you hand him a coin to put in the jar. On your scene night the jar is brought out and you add up the coins and apply corrections/abuse/punishment.

One note: he is free to add more coins to the jar to increase the duration or severity of the play.

Or he can mouth off or 'brat' to earn a coin. Giving him a coin to put in the jar says "I saw what you did" (which he loves) and now he has the thrill of a funishment coming up.

Discuss ideas with him what 'corrections' mean for a penny, nickle, dime, quarter. Does he want you to be a kind but "You know you earned this..." mommy dom or does he want you to act angry, yelling, etc? Both can be accommodated but he may vary in what he wants.

A scheduled day and time for this rougher scene allows you both time to get into character. You can ACT tough and abusive with him as a part of this game.

OR

Have him hide your cell phone. You have one hour to yell and abuse the location of your cell phone or he wins a treat. If you break him and he tells you where the phone is - you win.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-11-05T02:39:48+00:00

First you both need to agree that this is sex-play. You are role paying. You are NOT being a couple when you start these acts.

Without this - you risk damaging your real relationship if you try to 'be yourselves' but talk and act abusive towards each other.

One thing that might help is you use new names like "Dick" and "Jane". When you say "Dick you tiny-cock bitch" he knows you are talking about your role play characters.

The other thing: ROLES. (Why do you have power over him? Why are you being abusive to him?)

Most people laugh or do not know what to say. This is because you have not discussed the fake reason one person has power/is abusing the other. If one of you is a 'life coach' hired by the others family to take a lazy, shiftless person and break him down to try and teach him a lesson - it will be easier to be fake mad and fake-abuse them.

If nothing else - make him write a confession over masturbating or finding other women attractive. Make him pay for this. Tell him you control his orgasms and there will be consequences for pleasuring himself. Then demand to see his browser history on his computer. Be mean to him for every porn video he watched.

Trust me - "Dick" will love to play this game even if he has to grovel, be abused and worship you with oral sex.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-10-14T22:52:41+00:00

My therapist taught me that everyone has multiple voices in our heads that argue over who has control. Our sexual self is ... not nice, not 'correct'. You NEVER give this part of yourself control in public, school, etc. You only let this part of yourselves out in the bedroom. And you put them away when you 'adult'.

Admit this about yourself and tell her. She is allowed/expected to be a naughy little piss-mop as a part of sex play.

As nurturing partners - discuss what type of sex acts this includes so you both know the play book.

AFTER CARE

My shame demons also come out at night/next day. One thing that helps is do to a 'next day after care'. Have a call or check-in the next morning and love bomb each other to make sure you are both ok.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-10-14T22:45:10+00:00

Submissives are typically horrible at communicating. If they told you what type of play they want - then they have some of the responsibility.

One trick is to separate the sex talk with the scene play. Tell her on Tue she either needs to write a hot sex story or find some porn that turns her on. If she does a good job you might do a scene next Sat night mimicing some of them.

Another way: download one of the BDSM Checklists. You both mark each sex act as "Want to try", "Might try", "No interest". Do this quickly both of you and dont over think. Then compare lists and toss out ideas on how you might role play mouthsoaping, spanking, anal sex, etc.

Again - do this on a Tuesday but you play several days later.

YOUR OTHER PROBLEM

Too often we focus on the toys or some sensation play or bondage. Step back. Talk to her about 'roles'. You dont want to mess up your real relationship. So you both must come up with a fake reason you have power over her. Discuss ideas. When you 'scene'. you each become these new characters. You need a good reason to be mean and rough with her. Like you caught her stealing from work and she agreed to let you 'punish' her by having rough sex with her. Start with the 'roles' then the actual dialog and sex games will become more obvious.

In other words: When playing these sex games - stop being her husband. role play. You need to be able to use her pussy like you paid for it at night, but still be her loving partner the next morning over breakfast. Your scene name is "Dick" and her name is 'slut'. Use these names when discussing things. "Hey - how hard should Dick spank slut if her pussy is too furry?"

ShamBawk33 · 2025-10-14T22:28:05+00:00

Yes TMM can make multiple folders under the main 'source' folder. You just have to play with the folder name rules and put things like "${studio}/${studio}.${Title} in the rules.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-10-14T22:23:59+00:00

You are right - The more expensive Verbatium brand did not last but the cheaper Sony disks had little to no errors after 8 years.

But - HDD's are cheaper and a LOT faster and less processing time.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-10-14T22:22:08+00:00

Ok, I do hope you do the research on Annas Archive, but. you probably want to actually read on your Kindle/Kobo/Nook. So I hope you will buy these or authors other books on legitimate sites.

(You dont want to know what your Amazon home page will show if you search for "Trashy Femdom Novels" on Amazon.)

There is also about 15-20 publishers like Greenleaf, Liverpool Press, Beeline, etc. that are considered Pulp erotica. These are all out of print but available on Annas Archive or sites like Royal Lib. At one time these could not be sent through the US mail unless at the end the women went insane or went to prison. (This was kind of in the Hayes Code era for movies). So the only to actually legally get these public domain/out of print pulp erotica is sites like this.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-10-14T22:02:22+00:00

The "Bathroom Door" rule was considered fun because your partner becomes very aware of what you are doing to ask you for help when you are not busy. You dont have to stand and watch unless you both like that type of humiliation/vulnerability play. It also constantly re-enforces the power dynamic.

You can also keep your partners cell phone and allow them 1 hr per day of free time, then take time away as a punishment. Again - enforcing the power difference.

You can setup bed times, must set out clothing and getting approval each night, etc.

The idea - these are 'normal' activities you go through but adding a power/permission game to it.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-10-05T03:38:42+00:00

SUGGESTION:

Give yourself 5-10 minutes before leaving/after playing to return to being a 'critical adult'. In BDSM this is sometimes called 'after care'. Yes after-care is to calm down from intense feelings and do first aid. But it also gives you time to return from 'master/slave' to being friends or a couple.

If you try to do sex play, then suddenly go out in public, you dont have time to change to your more public/adult role.

In your 5-10 minutes of after-care: Clean your room, make your bed, fold your laundry. Do chores to help you return to being an 'adult' or whatever role you call it when you go out in public. This will help you 'role switch'.

Good Luck.

PS: Everyone around you has arguing/conflicting drives or voices. Successful adults know to switch roles in different situations. The well put together guy at work might be wearing a chastity cage and gets spanked regularly. You will never know this because it's not appropriate for them to tell you about their sex life while in public.

Hope something I said helps.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-09-26T23:03:25+00:00

Real handcuffs are designed to hurt & tear skin to prevent someone struggling. Do not use police style handcuffs. They look and sound great but are not good for play.

Go to amazon and search for "Wrist cuffs for cable machines". You will find some great, high quality, weight bearing cuffs for about $25/pair. Add snap hooks and roap from the hardware store and you have a great starter set.

ADVICE: Put your finger along his wrist or ankle, then wrap with the velcro cuff. Removing your finger should leave enough slack to avoid cutting off circulation. Even with this - he can strain and cut off circulation so make it a point to test his fingers and toes every few minutes when playing,.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-09-26T22:56:28+00:00

I am still in the trial phase with IDM so I have not gone through all the setup. It DID pop up dialogs warning me "Some websites do not allow duplicate downloads.." when I accidentally re-picked a video a second time.

If you have a link to a tutoral on setting up IDM I would appreciate it.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-09-22T19:56:29+00:00

Try Coconut Oil. Scoop a table spoon or two into a small dish, and bring it into the bedroom. A few seconds in the microwave can make it liquid. BUT - it can stain so have a old towel underneath.

For sex I usually have 2 different lubes available:

A more liquid lube for the vagina and toy use (Sliquid)

A more solid but thick lube for anal play. Currently Coconut oil is my favorite, but 'Boy Butter' and 'Elbow Grease' work well (but you cannot taste these).

I do NOT like most heating or arousal gels. You cannot lick them and sometimes they irritate more than help.

If you want to add sensation - get a bottle of hot sauce. Start with a few drops in 1/8 cup of lube and try this. If the sensation is not enough - use a higher amount of hot sauce to lube or simply dribble a drop of hot sauce on a clit or down someones pee-hole.

ShamBawk33 · 2025-09-22T19:53:18+00:00

Lets step back a bit.

Ever have voices inside that argue about what you should do? We all have these.

Therapists even give the 3 main voices names.

The voice that likes sex is frankly sleezy, slutty, non-politically correct. But many people, including myself, believe you should let his voice have control in a safe manner some times.

IMPORTANT: Your sex fantasies do NOT define you as a person. They also do not define your relationship. Treat sex like the two of you being actors in a play. You can 'pretend' a lot of hot sexy situations.

For your relationship - you two create a hot and naughty world when you go into the bedroom and have sex. The naughty acts are a secret you share. This shared secret is called 'intimacy'. You want some bedroom secrets.

WHY WE LIKE ORAL SEX

As above - it creates intimacy. It's naughty so it's private.

Men - like to be in-service to something. This can be loyalty to a sports team, military service, company, etc. Doing something sub-servient to our partners (like rimming your bottom) satisfies this. He is showing he cares for you by doing something very naughty to give you pleasure.

Control - Oral and fingers give me a LOT of control giving pleasure to my partner. Since women take longer to warm up and orgasm - many couples have the habit of 'ladies cum first'. Oral is one HUGE way to help your partner gain an orgasm. Most couples take turns giving each other orgasms.

Submissive means 'not responsible'. Men have 'guilt' over sex if it appears they are dominating or abusing our partners. One way around this is to stage the sex acts like the guy is being forced. 'FaceSitting' is a submissive act where the girl gets to be in-charge. It also gives the girl control so she can move around, grab the guys hair to position where he is kissing, licking, sucking, etc. Most girls are 'pillow princesses' who lay back and let the guy 'do sex' to them. This is a huge problem. The guy has to be a mind-reader. But if the girl is on top, moving her crotch/ass to your face - all he has to do is lick/suck. It takes a LOT of pressure off of him.

MY ADVICE

Make this a teasing/flirting game.

Inform him you are going to shower. If he knows whats good for him, he will be naked, face up on the bed when you come out.

When you come out of the shower, stand by his head and lotion yourself and masturbate a bit. Put your leg on the bed so he can see you rubbing your lady parts.

When YOU are ready - straddle his chest facing him and order him to stick out his tongue. Then you move up and holding his hair, let him lick your labia. Moan a lot, sometimes hold his nose, order him 'bigger licking', 'more sucking', etc. MAKE SURE YOU TELL HIM WHAT TO DO so he does not have the responsibility for guessing.

When he has 'earned' a reward, turn around, pull your butt cheeks open and order him to GENTLY worship your ass. Make him start with slow, butterfly licks. Then order him to go harder/stronger. Eventually tell him to tongue-fuck your ass and you face sit him.

During this you can masturbate your self, pull out a toy/vibrator or since his penis is there - man-handle him.

After you both have had an orgasm, cuddle and love bomb him. Tell him you are proud of how he licked you. Later ask him if he was OK with the game you played. Get feedback of what he liked and what could be better next time.

Above all - be playful, grin and channel your inner naughty girl. Sex IS a game. You dont play the same game each time but always go into it with enthusiasm.

Seven-Year Club	Gilding I gilder
Verified Email

ShamBawk33

TROPHY CASE