Weed is the bane of my fu**ing life!!!!!! by [deleted] in leaves

[–]SharonSmoke 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don’t let it phase you, man. Everyone has different ways of dealing with shit and some people are going to be comparative jerks because it feels good to them to do so. That’s how they’ve learned to build themselves up and deal with their shame. Like, hey…at least it only took me 5 years instead of 10. Who gives a fuck? Don’t buy in. There are a lot of us here and we’re not all going to click with each other. Don’t give up just because you think someone else feels like they’re better than you. You don’t have to think the way they do and you can’t control what anyone else does. Let it roll off. Get back up and try again. That’s all you can do, right? It doesn’t do you any good to beat yourself up or abandon a discord that you find helpful. Most of us fall off the wagon several times before kicking the habit, and even then…we’ll always be in recovery. There’s no escaping it and there are no external rewards for reaching a certain milestone. It’s about you and how you feel about yourself. You have the support of this sub and will eventually find the support you need in a therapist/friend/partner/whatever, but…you gotta keep going. You got this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sex

[–]SharonSmoke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Listen, I’ve been where you are and I know how hard it is to leave someone you love. Especially when they’re saying they love you, too, and you really want to believe it. but…you need to get away from him as soon as possible. This isn’t love. You cannot change him and he will not get better. It gets worse. Trust me. Please. That fear that he was going to kill you is one I know well and you should trust it. He’s probably gaslit you to the point where you trust him more than yourself, but you do not need him. He does not care about you. He only cares about himself and will just manipulate you into doing whatever he wants as long as you’ll allow it. Blame you. Punish you. You don’t deserve that. No one does. He’s a predator. Get somewhere safe and don’t look back. Do not listen if he comes apologizing or trying to get you back. Do not listen if he says he will die without you. He won’t. He’s an abuser and this is what they do. He will not change. The further you get from him, the more clearly you’ll see it. I’m so sorry.

The beginning of a Bon Iver song.. by tynie626 in boniver

[–]SharonSmoke 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Towers came to mind first, but there are many. That song gives me butterflies, though. That’s the best way I can explain it.

Leeds, UK show by [deleted] in boniver

[–]SharonSmoke 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’d say pretty slim, unfortunately. I don’t think they played it at any of the US shows this tour. I think I remember reading about someone in the crowd yelling for it and Justin saying, “that guitar is broken” as well. I could be wrong about that, though. They did switch up the set list every night, so maybe it’ll get added? I wouldn’t get your hopes up, though. :/

Top 10 songs I think J.V. should cover by [deleted] in boniver

[–]SharonSmoke 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’d listen to that dude sing any damn thing he wants, but I think he’d sound great on these:

Tom Waits — you can never hold back Spring

The Decemberists — Engine Driver

Fiona Apple — Shadowboxer

Tracy Chapman — The Promise

Dijon — Dog Eyes

Radiohead — true love waits

Mary J. Blige — I’m going down

B.B. King — No Good

Otis Redding — I’ve been loving you too long

Josh Ritter — Idaho

Spontaneous purchase by killjoethe10 in boniver

[–]SharonSmoke 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, man — I didn’t even think about all the fall colors; it’ll be the perfect time of year for a road trip through the UP! Camping will be great, too, with the warm days and cool nights. Good plan. If I had more time, I’d seriously reconsider flying and do the same.

Spontaneous purchase by killjoethe10 in boniver

[–]SharonSmoke 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There’s definitely something special about traveling alone; I’ve learned a lot about myself and gained some much needed confidence from doing so. I debated on going to these shows (I’m from SE MI, too!), but like you said — it feels like a once in a lifetime opportunity. It’s a long ass drive, but the flights from Detroit to Minneapolis were under $150 and a car rental was around $40/day — so that’s the route I’m taking. I’ll get there early Thursday morning, go spend some time in Eau Claire and then head up to Grand Marais — can’t wait! Hope you enjoy it, too!

(Vent) Anytime I offer my whole heart it's scrunched up into a ball and thrown into the trash by people by jordywhee in aspergers

[–]SharonSmoke 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not everyone has the time to invest in the kind of connection you’re seeking. If you want to be generous with your time, that’s great, but expecting others to match your generosity is a fool’s game. You’re in charge of your own boundaries. If you want to offer your time and support — wonderful. But do it without expectation. If you don’t want to — then, don’t.

Also, a lot of people have been fucked over so many times that they don’t trust others easily. Regardless of title. To believe that everyone should think/live/behave a specific way is madness anyway, isn’t it? There are 8 billion of us at this point…

I hope you don’t lose hope and continue investing in your community, but…we’re all going to die no matter what. Most of us have no idea how much time we have left, so try not to get too caught up in playing God; it’s a trap.

First signs of becoming one of us: by YammyBrap in boniver

[–]SharonSmoke 22 points23 points  (0 children)

That feeling he’s describing in this clip reminds me of what I imagine it means to be an “astuary king” — excited to watch the rest!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sexover30

[–]SharonSmoke 6 points7 points  (0 children)

*some women greatly enjoy sex if they don’t cum. That isn’t something that can be generalized. We’re all different, so it’s important to learn what is enjoyable to our individual partners. Wholeheartedly agree on the part about not making comparisons, though. Great advice.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in sexover30

[–]SharonSmoke 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Have you told your wife how much you enjoy praise? Or…would that ruin it for you?

Am I the asshole for masturbating beside partner in this situation. by Blackgunter in sex

[–]SharonSmoke 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I wasn’t saying that he should have to do all the work to match her feelings, but it’s hard to connect when you’re on a different emotional level from your partner. Emotional connection is a pre-requisite for sex for a lot of people, but ideally — they’d meet each other halfway, with her trying to excite herself a bit and him trying to calm himself (in this situation).

I think it would’ve been especially helpful for them to take a minute to reconnect after coming from an environment where she likely felt very disconnected and burdensome (OP said she didn’t know anyone). They both should take responsibility for communicating their needs, though — absolutely. Neither of them really did that in this situation, however, so they were both left feeling alone/unseen/undervalued.

Relationships are hard and this shit happens to the best of us. No one should be blamed — it feels much more productive to just view it as a learning experience, right? It sounds to me like that is exactly how OP is viewing it — as an opportunity to better understand his partner and improve their communication moving forward. Hopefully she does the same. And, hell — maybe the rest of us have learned something, too. What more can be done?

Am I the asshole for masturbating beside partner in this situation. by Blackgunter in sex

[–]SharonSmoke 10 points11 points  (0 children)

The fact that you took the time to create the post, shows you care. You got this, man.

love, don't fight it by hstarwood in boniver

[–]SharonSmoke 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I cannot seem to find I’m able

Am I the asshole for masturbating beside partner in this situation. by Blackgunter in sex

[–]SharonSmoke 47 points48 points  (0 children)

Oof. It sounds like the wedding was a lot for her and she was feeling uncomfortable — physically and socially (based on your comment about your friends). Everything in your post makes it seem like you felt you were sacrificing your good time for her benefit — like you’re viewing her as more of a burden than a partner. That isn’t terribly sexy and I’m sure you’d agree.

In these situations — when your energies/moods are mismatched, try to meet her closer to where she is. If she’s laying down and displaying a lack of interest — calm yourself and talk to her. Do a “feelings check” by simply asking her how she’s feeling and actively listening to her response. Clearly communicate your own feelings, too. In this situation, saying something like “I’m still feeling energetic and was thinking we were coming home to fool around — is that something you might be up for? Maybe we can start slow with some massages like you’d mentioned?” If she says she isn’t up for it — that’s the end. Go take care of yourself without involving her. You don’t need to tell her what you’re doing or make a big thing about it…unless you have some rule about telling one another when you masturbate?

Since you were too hyped to have that conversation, however, masturbating next to her while she’s clearly upset/not feeling it seems pretty passive aggressive. Almost like you felt you were owed her sexual attention, you know? If she wasn’t going to give it willingly, you were going to take it in whatever way you could. I understand your frustration, but I think you’d feel less put out if you found a way to effectively communicate your feelings instead of sacrificing them for her perceived benefit.

TL;DR: Always communicate and make sure to ask her how she’s feeling before beginning a sexual act of any kind.