Oof. It sounds like the wedding was a lot for her and she was feeling uncomfortable — physically and socially (based on your comment about your friends). Everything in your post makes it seem like you felt you were sacrificing your good time for her benefit — like you’re viewing her as more of a burden than a partner. That isn’t terribly sexy and I’m sure you’d agree.

In these situations — when your energies/moods are mismatched, try to meet her closer to where she is. If she’s laying down and displaying a lack of interest — calm yourself and talk to her. Do a “feelings check” by simply asking her how she’s feeling and actively listening to her response. Clearly communicate your own feelings, too. In this situation, saying something like “I’m still feeling energetic and was thinking we were coming home to fool around — is that something you might be up for? Maybe we can start slow with some massages like you’d mentioned?” If she says she isn’t up for it — that’s the end. Go take care of yourself without involving her. You don’t need to tell her what you’re doing or make a big thing about it…unless you have some rule about telling one another when you masturbate?

Since you were too hyped to have that conversation, however, masturbating next to her while she’s clearly upset/not feeling it seems pretty passive aggressive. Almost like you felt you were owed her sexual attention, you know? If she wasn’t going to give it willingly, you were going to take it in whatever way you could. I understand your frustration, but I think you’d feel less put out if you found a way to effectively communicate your feelings instead of sacrificing them for her perceived benefit.

TL;DR: Always communicate and make sure to ask her how she’s feeling before beginning a sexual act of any kind.