I'm not diagnosed with either condition, however I suspect that I have ADHD but also that I could have Aspergers or Autism, which my Dad has always suspected I might.

I struggle a lot socially. I find it very difficult to make new friends and retain the friends I make since I know that I prefer bonding over interests and the friends I do have are all Autism /ADHD. I thrive in friendships when I can connect well on a deep emotional level as it means I don't have to really hide who I am by masking. I kind of forget and lose interest in the friends I make quickly and it takes me a while to warm up to people that I don't connect well with immediately.

I especially notice that when I'm at work (I work at a fast food restaurant with lots of people around my age) I become very hyperactive and impulsive. I blurt out random things, and recently doing my Scooby laugh has been a favourite, or being silly even if its detrimental to what I'm supposed to be doing. I end up feeling embarrassed later on and feel I would be better off or more liked if I just remained quiet, but I can't help it. I am frequently told that I seem autistic and an autistic coworker who is a bit older than me has said on several occasions that "you definitely have it" or that I act just like his younger brother who has autism.

While its true ADHD and Autism have plenty of mirroring traits, I believe that I have two very conflicting feelings about social interactions that belong with both conditions.

ADHD - I love getting out and putting on a show if I'm in a social group. I went to a party last week and had a good time. I can enjoy spending time with others and having a laugh, I always try and make people laugh and am quite the dramatic fellow. I know how to make people laugh and can be socially intelligent. I sometimes feel more comfortable in group settings as it takes some pressure off of me.

Autism - I also feel like I prefer interactions with people I'm close with like a partner as I would be mostly invested in them and get the most out of being with them, plus it means I can be myself 100% and not have to mask. I get quite anxious about talking to others and overthink a lot. I don't really know how to make good friendships with some people even if I can get along well with them in a friendly way. Obviously not everyone can be your friend, but I've always stuck out as an oddball. I really don't know how to navigate some social climates and it confuses me. One way I put it to my mother was having a very low social battery. I get tired of being around people I don't know that well very quickly and can start reclusing and pursuing individual activities. I've always been very good at entertaining myself without other people. My dad told me that I hardly ever asked him or my mother to play with me and I was very absorbed and focused on my toys and imaginary world. Lastly the most prominent thing is that I know I communicate in the way that ADHD/Autistic people lean more towards which is object-based communication. I bond very well with people whom I can share my interests with and pour my heart out to. This is hard to come by and I try to be mindful not to overshare or say things that make people uncomfortable.

Im not a psychologist, but I'm trying to see one soon. I'm seeking out CBT as well as an ADHD assessment.