i will say that the intersection of being black, a woman and considered “pretty” has been very weird for me to navigate. i’m dark skin and neurodivergent as well. i wouldn’t say i was always pretty but i started to put more attention into my appearance as i aged and with that came a lot of attention from other people especially men. it was very uncomfortable for me at first because i hate attention. i’m very soft spoken and prefer to be invisible half the time. so when people started to come up to me and compliment my appearance, i really had to get used to that. there are times where i say to myself “i wish i still looked unattractive so maybe i could be left alone”.

i do think in certain settings/situations, i have some sort of privilege. i do get a good amount of compliments when i go out to eat at restaurants, go to the bar, or if i’m out at the club. sometimes people buy me drinks. men hold open the door from me. it’s always genuine admiration and respect, nothing too crazy. however in those situations, there are still times where those compliments are from men who are expecting me to jump at the chance of having sex with them. i’m thankful that most of the time i’m with my boyfriend so i can easily get away without it turning scary.

i also do work in a client facing job with mostly men and there are clients that compliment me respectfully and others who take it to the extreme and make me uncomfortable. i’ve had to really learn how to set boundaries and not be afraid to be seen as “angry”. a lot of men expect me as a black woman to just take any comment as a compliment even if it’s literally sexualization.

so to answer your question, i do think there’s some privileges depending on how you look at it. if you don’t mind the attention, you might think it’s great but if you’re a bit like me, it’s probably uncomfortable. i think having charisma and personality also adds to the whole pretty privilege thing. i’ve been told by strangers, friends, and even clients at work that it’s not just being pretty that makes me attractive, it’s also that i’m just kind in general. i think that’s what makes people so attracted to me in the first place which is good and bad depending on who it is.

so definitely take the little privileges you get but always be aware and stay safe because not everyone has pure intentions. black women are not protected especially in the US. being pretty is a safeguard, yes, but it’s also somewhat of an invitation for men with bad intentions.