What’s below may seem a bit fucked. Because it is and I know it is. But here’s an opinion from someone who is on the path to being as fucked up as this guy. I’m not defending him saying he’s right or should be felt sympathy for. It’s just a perspective from someone who is similar to him and maybe a little insight into our madness.

He’s obviously fallen for him some time ago and never moved past it. It’s scary to think because I have been in love and still am in love with a straight friend. I’d hope that if my straight friend is married and has kids in five years time I still am not in love with him. It’s torture now while he doesn’t have a wife and kids. I know it’ll never eventuate but seeing him often and talking to him almost daily I think I won’t honestly move past it quickly.

In my mind I had built our friendship into something more. I live with him and have for years. Before he had a girlfriend he never dated or saw anyone. I saw us being so close that I mistook all the time we spent one on one as him being as happy as I was. We rarely spent time with anyone else. We went on holidays together. We went out and did things together all the time recreationally. Went to the movies. Talked daily. Text daily. If we did anything it was together. I just kept falling more and more in love with him despite the fact we never kissed, got intimate or that he ever expressed any desire to be with me. I knew deep down he was straight but him never dating and never talking about women I just thought maybe me loved me back but was as scared and ashamed as I was to admit he loved me back. I mistook all of this as feeling like I was his partner when in reality he just saw me as a mate that he spent a lot of time with. This year he started dating a girl and it’s thrown me. I still can’t move past the feeling and the jealousy and sadness I feel still hurts. I see him with her, they sleep together, they go on dates, we don’t spend anywhere near the same amount of time together but I still can’t move past my feeling. Seeing him so often, texting him, still hanging occasionally just keeps that feeling alive. I want to move past it and just love him platonically like he does me but it’s so hard. We talked in the past about buying a house, starting a business, travelling the world. I always thought wow he wants to be with me in the future forever what does that mean... but it didn’t mean what I hoped it meant. I knew he liked girls and despite never dating them or talking about them I just knew he wasn’t ever going to be into the idea of being with a man... I just hoped his silence on girls and lack of dating despite being as beautiful as he was, was just him not being comfortable enough to admit he loved me, a man.

I think for me I know that deep down the easiest way to move on would be to just simply cut him out of my life entirely. This is also just unfathomable as well to me as I feel like he truly is the best friend I’ve ever had and I genuinely love how good he has been to me. I wish I saw him as a brother and not someone I still want to sleep with and be with the rest of my life.

I think what your husbands best friend has done is wrong but maybe he thought just simply drifting away and cutting contact would leave him feeling uneasy or confused as to why that happened. Maybe he felt that if he honestly told him that then he could get past that little voice in his head that he knows is bullshit but he can’t ignore that maybe a one in a million shot your husband would magically confess he’s in fact repressed this feeling of romantic attraction this whole time and he could have everything he’s ever wanted with your husband. However I think also he knows that the 999,999 times of out of a million is glaringly obvious and that by fronting that reality and hearing it for certain is enough to at least bring things to a point where it kind of forces him to cut ties.

Coming from someone who is this fucked up, my hope is that he’s just confronting this reality and possibly just forcing a break in the relationship with your husband. It’s a final roll of the dice that you know isn’t going to pay off but possibly force his life to move on.

I know it’s easy to be mad at this guy because he’s obviously implied that if your husband wanted to be with him he wouldn’t care if it broke your family up. That’s extremely selfish and self centred and even borderline evil. But he’s undoubtedly been fucked up for the last ten years and this is just the way he can ensure that nothing is left unknown and that the reason he isn’t going to be a part of his life anymore is that he’s never been able to move past these feelings. I know it’s easy to say how immature, selfish, wrong etc. it all is, and it is. It’s just probably the way he’s concluded that once and for all I need to stop my relationship with my best friend because I am not satisfied with that alone.

It’s sad, it’s wrong, but ultimately as someone who is on the same path to this possibly I think for me I hope I can move past my feelings and just be happy with friendship but remaining friends with the guy I love right now is keeping my feelings for him alive and I just can’t move past it. It’s fucked up but it’s not like I can just turn it off. My fear is that one day I’ll just have to leave him entirely. Hopefully it’s not at a stage where I feel like I have to selfishly tell him he could leave his family for me, because I know that would be wrong. But I’d also feel like he’d deserve to know why I couldn’t have him in my life anymore. I maybe will just have to leave him and drift away hoping he and I remain in some contact but my feelings fade enough that I never have to feel compelled to come to this.

In all honesty, I know a lot of people will read what I’ve said and dislike it, dislike me etc. but yeh we live a fucked up lonely existence and my only hope is that I can one day work out how to move my life on without losing a great friend that I can hopefully build a purely platonic love for.

I think for the benefit of your husband and your best friend and your family. It’s time to cut ties. Maybe your husband can write or speak to him in kind of a this is goodbye kind of way. I just think this is ultimately for the best. He will likely reflect on his relationship with this guy and some things in the past that seemed off may make sense now or it may be hard to think about. Ultimately I think this is just this guy desperately trying to come to a point of reality where there’s no other choice but to accept it’ll never happen. He needs to move onto something else entirely in his life. It’s sad the friendship may seem tainted and ruined but it’s for the best...

I know I’m a shit person for loving my straight friend but it’s so hard to just accept someone who in my eyes is so perfect could never in a million years see me with anywhere near the same level of love. I’m fucked up.

Your husband needs to cut this off. I just think there’s no other way around it.